So, divorce

413x said:
I tend to measure things in holidays. If a wedding isn't cheap it's waaaay over the cost of a holiday.
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That’s kinda meaningless. A holiday can cost a little or a lot. So can a wedding. My last holiday cost more than my wedding… so was my wedding cheap, or was my holiday expensive? Both? Neither? How meaningful is it to compare a wedding for 120 people with a holiday for 4 anyway?
 
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Vonhelmet said:
That’s kinda meaningless. A holiday can cost a little or a lot. So can a wedding. My last holiday cost more than my wedding… so was my wedding cheap, or was my holiday expensive? Both? Neither? How meaningful is it to compare a wedding for 120 people with a holiday for 4 anyway?
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It is neither cheap nor expensive. It exists in a fuzzy quantum uncertainty field until it's observed by a tree clapping in the forest.

In other news, sorry about the divorce(s) everyone.
 
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pastymuncher said:
I was married for 14 years and divorced in less than three months. I was in the RAF and injured my spine while serving in Germany. We were posted back to the UK in 1999 and in 2000 I was sent down to Headley Court on a 3 week rehabilitation course but halfway through my seecond week they told me they could do nothing for me because I was in agony all of the time. I found out that the career that I enjoyed so much was over and my wife was leaving me for someone else both on the same day. I got home and she had sold my beautiful Samoyed dogs, emptied the bank account, took my boys and left. I was left with £22k of debt and nothing else. I was heartbroken, 720 miles from home and had nobody to talk to and seriously considered ending it. Things got worse very quickly because I had the CSA treating me like something you wipe off your shoe and taking a third of my pay each month. I then had nasty letters and phone calls from credit card companies including hers and nobody cared about me, they just wanted their money. Eventually I was awarded a generous RAF invalidity pension and decent lump sum along with a war pension. I used the lump sum to clear the worst debts and once out of the RAF got a job with a small engineering firm and eventually cleared the rest so for the first time in 20 years I was debt free. The downside is that job made my spine even worse and I now had problems with my neck. I met a wonderful Scottish woman in October 2001 and after 11 years together we tied the knot in 2012. Out of the blue a couple of years ago my ex contacted me asking if I could let her have copies of our divorce papers. After the lightning divorce she threw at me she lost the papers and wanted me to help her out!! You can guess what the answer was!! I have just learnt that her latest relationship has fallen apart and she is back home at her mothers. What a shame!!
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Thats rough!

This is a clear example of society doesn't give a toss about men and their struggles.

Even with your job, you are just seen as disposable.
 
alchal said:
Yeah hookers get pretty expensive !

That's why I keep the count down as well....
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a friend of mine has a saying... if it floats flies or................ cant remember the last F ;) you should rent it not buy it ....... :D

For the record i do not subscribe to this.................................. (I always fancied a small fishing boat of my own)
 
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I got divorced from my first wife nearly 20 years ago, in my mid-30s. We'd married at 22 and had a kid.

Throughout, I focused on our child's best interests and put my personal feelings to one side. We agreed everything in a conversation before going to solicitors, as I wanted it to resolve quickly and with as little rancour as possible.

I took a huge financial hit- she got two thirds of the house equity, despite never having paid into the mortgage. That was because I wanted him to have somewhere to live.

I paid off her (previously unknown) debts, so she was able to afford necessities.

She agreed a relatively small maintenance payment, in view of the above. she never tried to up that.

She agreed I'd have custody Friday to Sunday, and that worked well.

While it wasn't a great time, it went as well as it could, with little arguing and pain.

Twenty years on, we've both moved on. She knows she can (and does) call on me when she wants help dealing with issues with our son's life. We bump into each other occasionally (small town life) and are reasonably friendly.

That all came from us both agreeing to be reasonable at the start, and putting the anger to one side.
 
Vonhelmet said:
That’s kinda meaningless. A holiday can cost a little or a lot. So can a wedding. My last holiday cost more than my wedding… so was my wedding cheap, or was my holiday expensive? Both? Neither? How meaningful is it to compare a wedding for 120 people with a holiday for 4 anyway?
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OK, so for me a holiday costs usually 1-3k a week. Less per week if it's a month or more though.

Most weddings that are proper events cost more than this.

If it's going to be under 1k it's going to be a registry office type of thing.

But the real expense is the divorce. Now that is pricey!
 
413x said:
OK, so for me a holiday costs usually 1-3k a week. Less per week if it's a month or more though.

Most weddings that are proper events cost more than this.

If it's going to be under 1k it's going to be a registry office type of thing.

But the real expense is the divorce. Now that is pricey!
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Studies have found that couples who spend more on their wedding are more likely to get divorced, so go figure. It’s almost like there’s more to a successful marriage than just having a big fancy party.
 
In the US, divorce rate is 56% (from that video), if you think about it. That is actually the number that is divorced, but how many are not happy and staying together because of financial constraint, or for the children, or even for some legal status.

It might not be a long shot to say that 75% of people are unhappy in their marriage and 56% divorced. So statistically the chances of a successful one is not in your favour.

When my mate asked me how I am doing a few months ago, I told him that one of the feelings i had, between depressed, saddness and disappointment was a feeling of failure, a failure not able to even get it over the line of sort. Like society expects me to be married to be "normal" But on reflection, that is not how I should be thinking. It's just life and move on we must.
 
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Raymond Lin said:
In the US divorce rate is 56% (from that video), if you think about it. That is actually the number that is divorced, but how many are not happy and staying together because of financial constraint, or for the children, or even for some legal status.

It might not be a long shot to say that 75% of people are unhappy in their marriage and 56% divorced. So statistically the chances of a successful one is not in your favour.

When my mate asked me how I am doing a few months ago, I told him that one of the feelings i had, between depressed, saddness and disappointment was a feeling of failure, a failure not able to even get it over the line or sort. But on reflection there is not how I should be thinking. It's just life and move on we must.
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I have always thought this too. I am not married but we have been together 19 years. A lot of people who I have worked with or friend circles are all divorced or separated.

My brother in law is about the only one I know from when I met my partner who is still together with his other half.

A figure of 25-33% does seem a lot more realistic.
 
Raymond Lin said:
In the US, divorce rate is 56% (from that video), if you think about it. That is actually the number that is divorced, but how many are not happy and staying together because of financial constraint, or for the children, or even for some legal status.

It might not be a long shot to say that 75% of people are unhappy in their marriage and 56% divorced. So statistically the chances of a successful one is not in your favour.

When my mate asked me how I am doing a few months ago, I told him that one of the feelings i had, between depressed, saddness and disappointment was a feeling of failure, a failure not able to even get it over the line of sort. But on reflection, that is not how I should be thinking. It's just life and move on we must.
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I bet there are a lot of people.
I know many many people. Heck, I even question it about myself.

Kids, mortgage, fear of being alone, the hassle of unwinding everything. There's a lot of forces acting to keep you together.
 
Some times you can win the battle but loose the fight,

My marriage was short, three years, no children. I had a calm friendly solicitor, but my ex-partner’s was extremely combative. We both dug in our heels, and what should have been resolved quickly turned into ten years in court. Between us, we probably spent around £400,000 on legal fees.
Technically, I “won” and jot a costs order. But in truth, I lost far more: a decade of career stagnation, lots and lots of sleepless nights, and years of stress.

If I could go back, I’d have paid a little more just to walk away sooner. Peace of mind is worth far more than being “right” or a little extra money.
 
Quartz said:
I have read about Americans divorcing to avoid bankrupting the other from medical costs; how common is that?
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Must admit that's a new one on me. It's the US, so it could be true I suppose. There are certainly cases of people opting not to undergo expensive medical treatment for (say) cancer and effectively choosing death over bankrupting their family.
 
Raymond Lin said:
It might not be a long shot to say that 75% of people are unhappy in their marriage and 56% divorced. So statistically the chances of a successful one is not in your favour.
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what would be interesting is to see the age groups and which is most likely to divorce and which is least likely. i feel like as you get older you're more likely to have a succesful marriage, but then at the same time, perhaps as you get older and have more money, you're more tempted to go enjoy a single life that you couldn't while younger and with less money.
 
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