so..i've been stupid again

secretspy · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:45

so to try and cut a long story short..

i meet a guy online 7 years ago. We're just friends nothings happening.
We always seemed to be - me with someone him single or vice versa.

Finally I'm 24, we're both single. We discuss meeting up. Then he gets sick I mean really sick so we hold off.
Then he recovers and i approach the subject of meeting again. He's interested but cant get time off work just yet because of him being off sick
Then last week i mentioned about a date to meet as something was being arranged with friends anyway so tonight i bring it up to find out if he can get time off. He's all "i dont know theyre not very leniant"

thats when i start to think hold on he's been distant for a while now whats wrong so I ask "are you honestly interested in meeting"
then he ignores me for half an hour, finally it turns out he does want to meet but a girl at work has shown interest in him.
Which is why he has been distant with me recently. I thought he was busy at work but no he's obviously trying to slowly push me away. Although if that was his plan why keep saying "yeah i want to meet"

i know you're probably think i'm being really pathetic but i've been good friends with him for 7 years, he's never hurt me before he's always been the one I went to talk to, i dont think i used him (i asked and he said i didnt) throughout the years of course we flirted, we get on well even sometimes did this thing where we'd go to bed with our cams on so we "wake up with each other"

I know nothing could come of meeting him but it would be nice to meet after all these years than i can move on say "yup i know what it was like to meet X" and now i find out after being given false hope so many times that its not likely to happen

im so stupid. why did i get my hopes up. I knew a relationship wouldnt come of it but i really really liked him, still do.

im just so angry with myself for not seeing the signs earlier and for wearing my heart on my sleeve too much. probably sounds really pathetic and theres probably going to be comments having a go at me for being an idiot, i dont care im just so upset right now, ive got family problems going on so the hope of meeting him was what was keeping a smile on my face, now thats gone.

i dont know why im posting, i guess i need to rant, whatever, and i dont really have any friends for that

rant over, sorry

iamdjdz · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:48

Are you a girl?

secretspy · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:48

how did you guess?

Tefal · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:49

secretspy said:
im so stupid. why did i get my hopes up. I knew a relationship wouldnt come of it but i really really liked him, still do.

maybe he felt the same at some point but you where with someone else so he felt like you do now and moved on to someone closer and more available.

Morba · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:49

rant away, we are all listening :]

Marky · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:49

Tefal said:
maybe he felt the same at some point but you where with someone else so he felt like you do now and moved on to someone closer and more available.

Probably sounds about right...

-westy- · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:50

If you met, would you have both felt there was some other reason other than just wanting to meet?

Maybe some people are left a certain way, too much can ruin who they are to you.

Gustov · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:50

A woman asking for relationship advice on a forum that is 99% male

Good luck love

branddaly · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:50

I see nothing to suggest you've been stupid at all, a bit of a romantic maybe. My normal reaction to a bit of a let down like that would be to meet up with friends, down a few beers, and go out dancing.

iamdjdz · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:50

Maybe he just has wanted something for part of the time you've known him but then ended up seeing you as friends and now he's afraid to have anything else than that...

That's how I'd probably feel.

crunchman · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:51

secretspy said:
did this thing where we'd go to bed with our cams on so we "wake up with each other"

Urrgh

Burnsy2023 · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:51

Morba said:
rant away, we are all listening :]

Indeed

Tefal · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:52

Gustov said:
A woman asking for relationship advice on a forum that is 99% male

Good luck love

well it's better than asking other women isn't it :/

If you want advice abo0ut men on the internet where better to ask then a forum full of men...

Kristoph · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:52

Morba said:
rant away, we are all listening :]

Really?

I find it pretty unlikely you'd give the same response had it been a male posting.

Morba · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:53

its kinda like me an a distant ex. we spent years of being randomly with other people, then i got married and she had a kid with a bloke.
she left her bloke before they got married (left it a week before calling it all off), i had an affair (not with her) and left the wife.
after 8 years of not showing each other too much interest there was still something there, she even told me a few suprising things which could have kick started a relationship.
It didnt happen though.

Somethings arent meant to happen, we are meant to be good friends which is what we are and always will be :]

somethings arent meant to be :]

Morba · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:54

Kristoph said:
Really?

I find it pretty unlikely you'd give the same response had it been a male posting.

if a bloke would have posted the same thing, i wouldnt have given the same response no.
Is that really an odd thing?

secretspy · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:55

iamdjdz said:
Maybe he just has wanted something for part of the time you've known him but then ended up seeing you as friends and now he's afraid to have anything else than that...

That's how I'd probably feel.

well if he saw me as a friend why flirt with me and i dont mean gentle flirting i mean saying about how he'd love to cuddle up with me and other stuff

he's always said how he'd want more than friends but cos of the distance its not possible

ive waited 7 years and the thing i really long for is to just hug him. I feel more for him but just to have a really good hug would mean so much.

when i got upset just a minute ago the first person i thought of to talk to was him but obviously it was about him so i couldnt

Kristoph · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:57

Morba said:
if a bloke would have posted the same thing, i wouldnt have given the same response no.
Is that really an odd thing?

Nah I spose it's not, the responses go like clockwork.

And to the OP, as blunt as it sounds, he mighta just been keeping you around as a 'failsafe'... Harsh, but he might have been holding out for someone else, but keeping you on the sideline incase it didn't work out.

And man up...! Oh wait...

Sime · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:57

Forget him and see me instead!

Im in the Surrey area too

Tefal · 30 Mar 2009 at 23:57

secretspy said:
well if he saw me as a friend why flirt with me and i dont mean gentle flirting i mean saying about how he'd love to cuddle up with me and other stuff

he's always said how he'd want more than friends but cos of the distance its not possible

How come when you're not wanting to get together it;s no problem, yet when he doesn't want to he's done something wrong?

You've already said you've both had relationships while talking, so why's this time any different?

I'm betting if the situation was reversed you wouldn't be so upset about it.

edit:

ive waited 7 years and the thing i really long for is to just hug him. I feel more for him but just to have a really good hug would mean so much.

Sounds like you expect him to be available for you but not vis versa.