So... We are considering fostering...

[Transform_IT]

Hi guys,

So, this Christmas me and the wife sat down and discussed the potential of increasing our family size. We currently have two biological daughters aged 6 & 7. We have a good size 4-bed detached house and would like to extend this home and the love within it, to less fortunate children who need that stability and support. We spoke about having a baby and adoption, but when reading into fostering, we believe we would get more out of it by helping others. My wife grandparents fostered for 30 years and they would often share stories of their experiences and the many children that past through their doors. I know it's not a simple and quick process and there is a lot to think about. But, its still early days and we are only in the enquiry stages.

We are waiting to hear back from our local agency/foster group and will see how that goes. In the meantime, I was wondering if anybody could share any information surrounding the process and what we are to expect - or any relevant and useful information.

Many thanks,

T_IT.

 

[CaptainRAVE]

I’d be interested in experiences from anyone here, my wife and I have often discussed it. From what I know it doesn’t sound like an easy process, even if your the perfect fit for the process.

 

[Transform_IT]

I’d be interested in experiences from anyone here, my wife and I have often discussed it. From what I know it doesn’t sound like an easy process, even if your the perfect fit for the process.

it's quite sad, really. You want to better a child life, albeit sometimes short term and there are very few foster carers these days, yet a lot of applicants get declined for silly reasons based on little facts.

 

[Dis86]

I'd be very cautious, largely for any negative impacts to your two children. Foster children will unfortunately always come with some form of baggage, its a sad fact resulting from them having entered the system in the first place. This can manifest in horrible ways for them and those around them.

 

[firstborn]

I'd be very cautious, largely for any negative impacts to your two children. Foster children will unfortunately always come with some form of baggage, its a sad fact resulting from them having entered the system in the first place. This can manifest in horrible ways for them and those around them.

This, you really need to think carefully about the impact on your children - but it can work well.

It took 18 months for me to be approved for emergency and respite. There's a fair commitment in terms of ongoing training as well that you need to factor in.

 

[montymint]

My brother fosters, it’s hard work as you mostly get problem children. He’s had to be extremely accommodating, for example the three girls he’s looked after the past 6 months (they’re now home) were Muslim. He needed to make sure that everything in the house was suitable , especially food.

he can’t have children and really enjoys giving children a chance, even if it is hard work.

 

[Yas786]

My brother fosters, it’s hard work as you mostly get problem children. He’s had to be extremely accommodating, for example the three girls he’s looked after the past 6 months (they’re now home) were Muslim. He needed to make sure that everything in the house was suitable , especially food.

he can’t have children and really enjoys giving children a chance, even if it is hard work.

Sounds like a good man your brother.
Unfortunately me and the missus can’t have kids naturally. We have looked into IVF but even that isn’t guaranteed and is quite costly.
One thing we are looking into is adoption, we were planning to go back to Pakistan this year but Covid put a stop to that sadly. But we were looking at adopting an orphan ie a baby. My missus has a cousin who has done this so we were planning to speak to him to see what sort of hurdles we would come up against.

 

[montymint]

Sounds like a good man your brother.
Unfortunately me and the missus can’t have kids naturally. We have looked into IVF but even that isn’t guaranteed and is quite costly.
One thing we are looking into is adoption, we were planning to go back to Pakistan this year but Covid put a stop to that sadly. But we were looking at adopting an orphan ie a baby. My missus has a cousin who has done this so we were planning to speak to him to see what sort of hurdles we would come up against.

he really is tbh

adoption I believe is a little harder than fostering due to the permanency of it.

 

[B@Th*nG]

I don't really have anything useful to add, just to say that good for you and I hope it goes well

 

[Transform_IT]

Thanks for the comments and advice, guys. When it comes to safeguarding and ensuring my children aren't wildly affected by fostering, it is my understanding that you don't have to accept placement requests, as not all will be suitable for your lifestyle etc. For example, I've heard stories of people accepting placements for children who go to school over an hour from the family home. This resulted in 4 hours driving every day for a school run, when they had their own children who also attended school.

We've taken the first step and I'll keep you all updated.

 

[OpenToSuggestions]

it's quite sad, really. You want to better a child life, albeit sometimes short term and there are very few foster carers these days, yet a lot of applicants get declined for silly reasons based on little facts.

It is sad that there are many regulations to foster a child, yet absolutely no requirements to meet before you are allowed to make one.

Best of luck OP!

 

[Dis86]

It is sad that there are many regulations to foster a child, yet absolutely no requirements to meet before you are allowed to make one.

Completely agree. I've mentioned before how my partner teaches several siblings. Their mother has 6 kids, all to different men, every one of the kids is in a home or Foster care.
Shes currently pregnant again.

 

[OpenToSuggestions]

Completely agree. I've mentioned before how my partner teaches several siblings. Their mother has 6 kids, all to different men, every one of the kids is in a home or Foster care.
Shes currently pregnant again.

Far more cost efficient to stop the problem at the source, however I won't say anymore as the thread is about the OP fostering .

 

[firstborn]

Thanks for the comments and advice, guys. When it comes to safeguarding and ensuring my children aren't wildly affected by fostering, it is my understanding that you don't have to accept placement requests, as not all will be suitable for your lifestyle etc. For example, I've heard stories of people accepting placements for children who go to school over an hour from the family home. This resulted in 4 hours driving every day for a school run, when they had their own children who also attended school.

We've taken the first step and I'll keep you all updated.

Indeed you don't and it won't be looked upon negatively if you say no. Good luck with it. I'm not one for typing essays on here, but happy to answer any specifics.

 

[Psycho Sonny]

Hi guys,

So, this Christmas me and the wife sat down and discussed the potential of increasing our family size. We currently have two biological daughters aged 6 & 7. We have a good size 4-bed detached house and would like to extend this home and the love within it, to less fortunate children who need that stability and support. We spoke about having a baby and adoption, but when reading into fostering, we believe we would get more out of it by helping others. My wife grandparents fostered for 30 years and they would often share stories of their experiences and the many children that past through their doors. I know it's not a simple and quick process and there is a lot to think about. But, its still early days and we are only in the enquiry stages.

We are waiting to hear back from our local agency/foster group and will see how that goes. In the meantime, I was wondering if anybody could share any information surrounding the process and what we are to expect - or any relevant and useful information.

Many thanks,

T_IT.

I believe foster carers get paid decent sums of money to be one.

None of that income counts towards the threshold for tax credits.

So a lot of foster carers get the full amount of working tax credits and child tax credits on top of everything else.

It's quite a lucrative income if you house several children at a time.

 

[pc-guy]

Aside from the income (which is a good income)

the children usually would have needs etc.

but also be mindful that placement is not long term. So you will likely have lots of kids coming in and out. But you need to speak to your own children about it and make sure they are part of the process all the way. Being 6&7 only I feel it may be difficult for them to comprehend what a change fostering is and also may prevent them effectively communicate any issues they have to you.

I don’t know if there is an age group of kids you can foster. But you certainly don’t want some kids come in and bringing habits or behaviour that your kids end up picking up.

I know a few people foster, they tend to have either kids in the teens or their kids are all grown up and left the nest.

 

[Transform_IT]

Aside from the income (which is a good income)

the children usually would have needs etc.

but also be mindful that placement is not long term. So you will likely have lots of kids coming in and out. But you need to speak to your own children about it and make sure they are part of the process all the way. Being 6&7 only I feel it may be difficult for them to comprehend what a change fostering is and also may prevent them effectively communicate any issues they have to you.

I don’t know if there is an age group of kids you can foster. But you certainly don’t want some kids come in and bringing habits or behaviour that your kids end up picking up.

I know a few people foster, they tend to have either kids in the teens or their kids are all grown up and left the nest.

I hear exactly what you're saying as a lot of it is similar to what we have discussed. I've been on various forums and read similar stories of foster carers with with children a similar age to mine. I suppose it all comes down to the situation the fostered child is in, what they have been exposed to and the ability of our parenting towards them and our own children. Under no circumstances would we want our own children being exposed to behaviours and situations that make their life difficult. However, it can come with the territory and is something we need to learnt to adapt and cope with. It's early days still, but we have a family member who adopted for 30 years and the stories they share, albeit some are distressing and sad, most are positive and of happy memories.

 

[Feef]

There are certainly age groups - you'd be approved for a number of children in a particular age range.

I don't have anything in particular to add at this point, except to say good on you, and that I work for a local government fostering service. I do admin stuff (specifically Kinship, although I've covered all sorts), so my day to day is basically facilitating the whole process - which in practice mostly means sending lots of letters, doing child protection checks, and chasing carers/assessors/GPs/referees to get things back in time for panel/court.

Happy to answer any particular questions, though aware it's not an entirely standardised process across different LAs/agencies

 

[Diddums]

This sounds fantastic, I applaud you OP. Like others have said it'll complicate things in your household but as long as you're aware of that fact and are prepared to deal with the complications there's no reason it shouldn't work out fine.

Good luck with it, please keep us posted with your progress, I'd love to see first hand what it all involves.

it's quite sad, really. You want to better a child life, albeit sometimes short term and there are very few foster carers these days, yet a lot of applicants get declined for silly reasons based on little facts.

You can understand why though, with a planet full of dicks and scumbags every precaution needs to be taken to ensure that the child doesn't end up with a family who don't give him/her the care he needs. I'd rather an overzealous system than have kids end up in families who don't treat them well tbh.

 

[ashrobbo]

I work with a fantastic charity - https://www.thecft.org.uk

they are a foster caring charity and have specialised staff to help guide you through the process and support you along the way - we also like you considered it before we had our children but its not something i will totally rule out in the future.

Honestly, its awe imspiring what they do - I go above and beyond for them!