Soppy relationship advice

AfterEffect

AfterEffect

AfterEffect

Associate
Joined
23 Mar 2009
Posts
348
Location
Midlands
Hey all,

I haven't been on here for a while, but it's the only place I know my GF doesn't know I browse. I'll try and keep it short.

Last year I started a relationship with the most amazing girl I've ever met. We moved in together a couple of weeks ago (a bit early for some, but london rent... It makes sense and feels right for both of us).

Anyway, we've been very happy, got holidays planned this year, etc etc.

The situation is though that she has it in her mind that I "have a relationship with a (female) best friend that is more than friendship".
I do not in anyway have more than friends feelings for this other girl.
The other girl has been my closest friend for more than 10 years and we both know we have no weird feelings for each other.

However I can't find a way to prove this. And I know, I shouldn't have to. But I really don't want to lose this girl other this problem.
On the other hand, I don't want to lose one of my closest friends to keep the relationship going - that's not right or fair.

Any ideas? :(
 
I suspect you'll need them become good friends for your girlfriend to trust your mate. That's not something you'll be able to force but you could try to encourage it. Otherwise you may well end up having to chose.
 
Why doesn't your GF trust you when you explain the situation to her? Fundamentally, she either doesn't believe you, or you have acted in some way which gives her concern. How physically close are you to this friend - do you act in affectionate ways towards her perhaps?
 
MooMoo444 said:
Spend more time with your GF. If you're with your friend for a lot of time then questions will be asked
Click to expand...

The friend lives the other side of the country. I've seen her twice since I met my girlfriend last year, and we talk maybe 2-3 times a week max.

I spend every non-work moment with my gf.
 
If your girlfriend genuinely doesn't trust you, then I'm afraid there is nothing you can do to change her mind, it's likely something she will have to figure out herself. Just keep reassuring her there is nothing going on, and make no compromises that you're really not willing to make.

Basically just hold fast, there isn't much you can do when a girl doesn't trust you for no reason.
 
Just don't do what I did with my ex and cut contact with female friend to appease the gf you'll live to regret it.

It's tricky but friends will always be there. She sounds a bit paranoid.
 
Are you a bit gay? My wife's best mate (who has also been a very good friend of mine for more than 20 years) is a bit of gaybo. If you are a bit gay it shouldn't be a problem, just tell your girlfriend. If you are a proper man it will all go horribly wrong.
 
Skidder said:
Are you a bit gay? My wife's best mate (who has also been a very good friend of mine for more than 20 years) is a bit of gaybo. If you are a bit gay it shouldn't be a problem, just tell your girlfriend. If you are a proper man it will all go horribly wrong.
Click to expand...

No interest in men lol
 
Remember that it's your girlfriend's issues that are causing this problem, not your conduct.

She's insecure, paranoid even, that you will dump her for your friend. You should reassure her, but don't overdo it. And don't agree to make changes with your friendship - that's almost signposting that you agree there's a problem.

Ultimately, she has to learn to live with it, or you need to learn to live with the hassle, or you dump one of them. And you should think very carefully before dumping a friend for a partner; is that how you want a long-term relationship to operate?
 
do not pander to her insecurity. be firm, tell her to grow up and stop being jealous.
i've found in situations like this you have to firmly and quickly nip it in the bud and not give in. If you try and change your behaviour towards your mate then it will never be enough until she is out of your life completely.
 
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