STD tests.

Unless you have syphilis, I don't think you will be getting anything up your peehole. Urine sample checks for chlymidia and gonorrhea.
 
The thing the nurse sticks up the hole is like a cotton bud, but without the cotton - i.e. a long, thin wooden stick. The front face of the stick isn't chamfered or rounded either so you can feel the sharp circumferential edge! It can't be lubricated because it will mess with the results.

It doesn't hurt on the way in, but it stings on the way out and the pain will increase over the following few hours.

Enjoy.
 
skaylesh said:
The thing the nurse sticks up the hole is like a cotton bud, but without the cotton - i.e. a long, thin wooden stick. The front face of the stick isn't chamfered or rounded either so you can feel the sharp circumferential edge! It can't be lubricated because it will mess with the results.

It doesn't hurt on the way in, but it stings on the way out and the pain will increase over the following few hours.

Enjoy.
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Oh my god, what the ****! :eek:
 
skaylesh said:
The thing the nurse sticks up the hole is like a cotton bud, but without the cotton - i.e. a long, thin wooden stick. The front face of the stick isn't chamfered or rounded either so you can feel the sharp circumferential edge! It can't be lubricated because it will mess with the results.

It doesn't hurt on the way in, but it stings on the way out and the pain will increase over the following few hours.

Enjoy.
Click to expand...

Think i'd rather stick with aids than have this done to me!

Also i was rather amused to find out you could get facial herpes.
 
MagicMalkin said:
Think i'd rather stick with aids than have this done to me!

Also i was rather amused to find out you could get facial herpes.
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This would only be done if the GU doctor thinks you might have syphillis. Other tests (urine, blood, visual) check for the presence of other diseases (HIV, gonorrhea, chlymidia etc.)

I've heard of prostitues getting facial herpes from their clients, but I suppose it makes sense - the herpes virus causes cold sores i think?
 
skaylesh said:
This would only be done if the GU doctor thinks you might have syphillis. Other tests (urine, blood, visual) check for the presence of other diseases (HIV, gonorrhea, chlymidia etc.)

I've heard of prostitues getting facial herpes from their clients, but I suppose it makes sense - the herpes virus causes cold sores i think?
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Pretty much, a guy from the local rugby club has it. :/
 
I take it the same thing happens with the ladies?

Damn the que outside the clinic must be huge :eek:

Pftt women, always get it the easy less painful way (apart from giving birth)
 
I used to get checked out every few months or so when I worked for Butlins (everyone did really!) and here is some advice:

You'll probably not be allowed to pee for a few hours before the tests, and after the old bottle brush in the jap eye is over (which will bring a tear to your eye) you'll be massively relieved to hear you can now pee in a pot. This is fine until your relief is cut short as your pee reaches the scratch from the test and it feels like someone has poured boiling hot water inside your helmet.
Don't do what I did and get absolutely steaming mashed the night before, as you'll end up spraying like a pressure washer on your shoes/hands/the wall/everything while sounding like some sort of psychotic ape having a fit. It is not pleasant! :(
 
Queasy topic, but somehow interesting.

Can we poll what you've got?

When I was young you could get free condoms from your local clinic. Don't know if that's still the case but worth asking. I got 72, which was a six months supply. I was 19 :eek: Weeks supply more like.
 
Gonzo0 said:
I take it the same thing happens with the ladies?

Damn the que outside the clinic must be huge :eek:

Pftt women, always get it the easy less painful way (apart from giving birth)
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they get a nice big plastic member shoved up them, which then has protruding things that stick out and scrape their insides actually. also extremely painful you will find, they also need to get these kind of checks for cervical cancer too i think.


Swab can be insisted upon just for the craic by some doctors, if you'v never been before, or for a long time, and had multiple partners unprotected within a short space of time. Or if you are deemed high risk.

Its not a case of going all the way down the hole anymore, just a swab against the inside of your peehole at the top, but christ it stings afterwards, it could be worse. You could have thrush and be oozing yeasty rubbish, peeing fire, and then hav a swab which burns even more.
 
From my wild and younger days...

You don't have to give your real name and address at the clinic, they give you a number which they shout out instead of your name so it's all pretty anonymous if you wish it to be.

They will examine you, they will ask for a blood test but you don't have to give one if you do not want to, they will swab you by forcing a very long cotton-bud thing up inside your penis, yes, this does sting! It is not an umbrella and it is not agony it's just a stinging sensation and may leave things slightly tender for a while.

You'll be asked your sexual habits etc. Again tell them what you need to tell them.

Lastly and by far the worst bit is probably having to tell all your sexual partners they need to go for a check-up, or have the clinic send them letters.

It's probably nothing at all to worry about but some things can affect women badly and not show any real signs for them.

You need to wait for an all clear before commencing any further sexual contacts, you'll probably get a course of anti-biotics straight away to take too and some cream to use.

Have fun! :D
 
you only need to contact them if you're dirty! you'v just fessed up to having a rotten ****! hahah jk.
yea you get a nice big dose of antibiotics to take straight up, then asked to go back for a checkup in a week or 2 or something.
 
RuMp3l4$k1n said:
The swab doesn't hurt, its more of a dull scratch so don't worry about that part of it. Imagine a long cotton bud and thats the fella heading down your chinaman. ;)
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+ It tingles for a while afterwards, nothing thats awfully painfull,

Imagine it this way, people make it out to be like your top gums being injected/deadened, whereas its more like your bottom gum. (EG. a lot of pain - more like not much pain)
 
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