Strategies for bringing up children

[gEd]

The important life skill that kids need to learn is that (quite simply) hard work and commitment makes a difference to your life.

If super bright Jonny simply gets a pat on the head every time he gets an A*', he will think "live is easy, I can do this" and not appreciate that in order to truely realise his potential, he needs to dedicate himself.

My youngest is not a naturally gifted swimmer (legs too long) but by sheer determination and commitment over the last 7 years, he is now in the local Platinum squad, competing in the london championships and working his arse off to try and get a county time. He has learnt the association between effort and results and this is why he is working his butt off for his exams in May/June because he can see that working hard makes a difference.

 

[deuse]

Worst thing you can do - take people's advice at face value.

Everyone's child is different and will have different needs day to day.

 

[Richie]

Have you got children?

Ahhh.... I was wondering how long it would take for this question to come up. This is a lose-lose question for the person being asked and is normally used as such:


Person 1 - Do you have kids?
Person 2 - No
Person 1 - Well you wouldnt know then

OR

Person 1 - Do you have kids?
Person 2 - Yes
Person 1 - Well you should know better (or words to that effect)

 

[fretted]

How can one know what it is like to have cancer unless they suffer from it personally. Hmm, actually I am not sure this analogy works.

 

[RDM]

It's not a cliche at all.

It is the hardest job going. It spans for the rest of your existence or theirs. It's a commitment that you mould and shape for every single breath while you are on this planet.

You never get a minute off for the rest of your natural living life.

If you don't agree with that, then I hope you are not a parent.

But it isn't a job, it is a change to the way you live your life. Much like being married isn't a job. Most of the time it isn't even hard work, it's fun.

Have you got children?

Probably not. And I hope not.

Unless you are with them 24/7, the worry is tedious.

Yes, I have a fantastic daughter. And no, I don't constantly worry about her because I am not neurotic. Sure we do worry about her from time to time but generally we don't have to because she is happy, well adjusted, knows that she is loved, confident and intelligent with a strong sense of self identity.

 

[wesimmo]

Totally agree with the whole praising effort thing, if our daughter does something special we make a point of celebrating the fact she did it AND the amount of effort / practise she had to put in.

But all kids are different and to say one blanket approach will work for all is dangerous. Seeing my daughter and niece grow up being very close and 5 months apart has really highlighted that for me. Our daughter hates being told off and always wants to please so you have to treat her differently to my niece who is much more strong willed and less concerned about how her behaviour makes her parents feel.

 

[Sencha]

Who knows if we're doing a good job - early signs are positive with our eldest (age 5), who's flying at school .

LOL read that as "who's at flying school"

 

[LordSplodge]

One thing I don't like is when parents praise every little thing their kids does. Save that praise for when they actually deserve it, lest they get spoiled and not ready for adult life when they're older.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

The funniest thing about parenting is that we pretend to know what we're doing. If we're lucky enough and diligent enough our kids might not be on the news too many times, or they might discover something we don't understand, or they might work in a shoe shop, or they might own that shop, or they might get into *NSYNC, or they might choose bad music instead, or maybe they blow anything we've achieved out of the water, or they might lead uneventful but happy and fulfilling lives, or ...

My advice to any parent - and I say this as a parent of two young ones - is to ignore my advice. It's garbage to you, useless to you, and is only given because I want the warm echo chamber to praise my guess work of how raising a small person might work. It helps us think we know what we're doing, we're in control. We're developing 'strategies', to the OP's point, but they're basically ways of hope.

You do your best, you try your hardest, you hope to know when to empathise and relate and when to be a bit tougher, you hope that you're doing the right thing even when it feels not so right, and you hope that they will succeed in their lives by whatever definition of success they eventually end up going with.

And to whoever said it's the hardest job in the world - you're wrong. It's the best job in the world which has times which can be hard, and there can be a lot of them.

There's a difference