Stupid reason to break up?

[TW]Fox;20726234 said:
Personally I find the notion that people cannot and should not be friends with ex's a bit odd really.
Click to expand...

It's the law of the playground, once you have a new best friend you can't talk to your old best friend.
 
I'd like to think of myself as a reasonably mature adult sometimes and I am also in a long term relationship.

If this was my GF after 6 months I wouldn't stand for it. So what if he knows her "more"? She is with you and can tell you everything, surely?

Relying on an X for emotional support is too far and it needs to be discussed and resolved ASAP. Don't be a mug, put the foot down.
 
Tell her how you feel, then punch her in the face.

Sorry, CBA to write anything sensible. Had a highly boring day.

Actually, do tell her how you feel. If she goes off crying to her ex, then deffo get rid. You can't stop someone from seeing their ex if they're on good terms, it makes you look jealous and controlling. Give her a chance.
 
Hedge said:
I think you are naive if you don't think keeping personal contact with exs isnt a recipe for disaster. All contact I ever kept with exes came round to sex. Even People who divorce after many years and with kids mostly have sense to keep contact down to a minimum.
Click to expand...

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

I live with my ex, it doesn't mean we have sex all the time. We're close friends but we know we're not right for one another and that's that. My current gf found it weird at first but is kinda accepting of it now. She still goes for coffee with her ex and is friends with him.
 
[TW]Fox;20726234 said:
Personally I find the notion that people cannot and should not be friends with ex's a bit odd really. She clearly liked the guy for several years - they decided they were not right together so ended it but why shouldnt he remain a friend? You dont have to sever all ties with somebody when you move on, you should have enough trust in her to not be worried about this.
Click to expand...

It's not the fact that they're still friends that is the issue, its the level of friendship. From what OP is saying, they're still so close they confide in each other (or at least her to him) when she doesn't feel that OP currently 'knows' her as well as her ex for her to confide in him.

I'm still friends with several of my ex's (although a not the ones with the messy endings!) but I don't tell them sweet f a.
 
Ahleckz said:
Totally depends on the situation, I know people that have remained friends (infact, it helped their friendship!) after divorcing and know plenty of people who broke up with people and remain friends.

The fact that you can't do it just scream immaturity.
Click to expand...

Most cases are people remaining friendly or civilised but not turning to the ex when feeling they need some advice, if my dad spoke to my mam about his marriage to my step mother both my mam, and particularly my step mam would NOT be pleased.

Turning to exes to discuss personal feelings that may involve current partners just comes across as disrespectful to me.
 
FishFluff said:
On the other hand it clearly bothers this dude, his girlfriend knows this yet does it anyway. If my girlfriend asked me not to do something that really wound her up I wouldn't do it.
Click to expand...

It's not really that simple is it?

Its his irrational thoughts that are the problem. You don't own a girlfriend - you are simply lucky enough to share your life with them. They are an individual and they have opinions and friends of their own.

Whilst I get the point that 'If you love somebody you should be prepared to do something if it stops the other person being unhappy' what about the other side of the coin - if you care about somebody why restrict what they can do to satisfy your own selfish paranoia?


Knubje said:
If this was my GF after 6 months I wouldn't stand for it. So what if he knows her "more"? She is with you and can tell you everything, surely?
Click to expand...

Read his post again - she does tell him. The issue is that she discusses things with somebody else AS WELL, not instead of.
 
At 6 months into the relationship I'd be seeing red flags here. Although I (semi) jokingly always scream "SEVER!" when these relationship threads come up, it's perfectly possible - as well as perfectly healthy - for ex's to remain friends once they're in a place where they can be friends and nothing more.

That's not the feeling I get from the OP.
 
Does she go to the ex first?

It's only 6 months in, there is probably a lot of things she hasn't shared yet. If there are critical pieces of the puzzle that he doesn't know then his advice isn't really of any benefit.
 
I see it this way:

EX: someone you REALLY liked both sexually and mentally.
So, if you broke up for sex reasons then its ok, nothing to fear about.
If you broke up for other issues then it's clear you still have sexual attraction to him/her and might someday do something with him/her.

I admit it. I still would like to get my ex to bed and show her once more how good it feels. But I would never get back with her, because we are on a different level in characters now.
So I try to see her once maybe twice a year, and a few texts now and then, in order to see how she is, if she needs some consulting, help with anything, but other than that, I do not keep any close contact, in respect to my current girlfriend. IF I was single however....;) :p
 
Keeping ex's around is a dangerous business. Once you've seen someone naked, you never forget :D

I dont have a problem with chatting, but being compared to an ex is a really insensitive and downright nasty thing to do.
 
[TW]Fox;20727276 said:
It's not really that simple is it?

Its his irrational thoughts that are the problem. You don't own a girlfriend - you are simply lucky enough to share your life with them. They are an individual and they have opinions and friends of their own.

Whilst I get the point that 'If you love somebody you should be prepared to do something if it stops the other person being unhappy' what about the other side of the coin - if you care about somebody why restrict what they can do to satisfy your own selfish paranoia?


Read his post again - she does tell him. The issue is that she discusses things with somebody else AS WELL, not instead of.
Click to expand...

Your missus is lucky to have you. :)

I'm still very friendly with a long term ex, both he and I have partners and our friendship has no bearing on our relationships with our partners. If you don't have a bad breakup then why wouldn't you continue to be good friends with someone. It comes down to the individuals involved at the end of the day.

If you're insecure about her being close to her ex then sit and talk to her about it. You may find she is more understanding than you think.
 
I don't see a problem with keeping ex's as friends.

Its not a usual situation so can't really fault the op in having mixed feelings about it, the feeling of dumping her because of it is a bit strong.

If she is talking to you about things and just chatting to him as a close friend then that's fine, if she is bypassing you and just talking to him that's a little odd but maybe they are things that she wants to keep from you because she is worried how you will think of her?

this would freak me out a little if the relationship was only recent, if ex was single and if i had not met him or seen them interact.

at the end of the day the relationship is built on trust (among other things) if you think she would hop into the sack with him then you should consider having some time alone to reflect on why this is wrong.


edit: for the most part, I think its wrong to restrict friends as it makes you controlling and is unfair on the partner as after you and her are broken up she has to pick up the pieces with her friend that was dumped because of the jealous now ex.
 
Why are people bringing up 'dont be too controlling' and all this other rubbish? She was clearly out of order when she says that her ex 'knows her better'. seriously.............getting rid was a good idea. You'll find that they will be getting very friendly with each other again now you've left. Mark my words
 
Last edited:
Its not unusual to be friends with ex's.

But some relationships with ex's are far too messy. You need to think if she properly likes him.

She has been with you for 6 months so i'd see that as a good sign

You clearly have trust issues with her and thats a tough road
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom