Sunday Joke
- Thread starter -|ScottFree|-
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Three women died in a car crash.
They all got to heaven and met St.Peter he said "Welcome to heaven ladies,but I must warn you before you enter,don't tread on any of the ducks."
They entered heaven and sure enough there were ducks absolutely everywhere,thousands of 'em.
The next day one of the women jumped out of bed straight onto
a duck.Within seconds St.Peter showed up with a very ugly man he chained the woman to the man and said "For treading on a duck you will be chained to this very ugly man for all eternity"
The next day the second woman accidentaly trod on one of the ducks,St.Peter appeared again with another very very ugly man.He admonished her the same as the first woman and chained her to the man.
The third woman thought "Sod this they're not going to catch me out" and she was very very careful to avoid the ducks.
After three months without slipping up St.Peter appeared with a gorgeous hunk of a man,bronzed and muscular.and very very attractive.
Without saying a word he chained the third woman to the young man and left.
She blushingly turned to the young man and said "My, what have I done to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?"
The handsome young man turned to her and said......
"Well I don't know about you,but I trod on a duck."
They all got to heaven and met St.Peter he said "Welcome to heaven ladies,but I must warn you before you enter,don't tread on any of the ducks."
They entered heaven and sure enough there were ducks absolutely everywhere,thousands of 'em.
The next day one of the women jumped out of bed straight onto
a duck.Within seconds St.Peter showed up with a very ugly man he chained the woman to the man and said "For treading on a duck you will be chained to this very ugly man for all eternity"
The next day the second woman accidentaly trod on one of the ducks,St.Peter appeared again with another very very ugly man.He admonished her the same as the first woman and chained her to the man.
The third woman thought "Sod this they're not going to catch me out" and she was very very careful to avoid the ducks.
After three months without slipping up St.Peter appeared with a gorgeous hunk of a man,bronzed and muscular.and very very attractive.
Without saying a word he chained the third woman to the young man and left.
She blushingly turned to the young man and said "My, what have I done to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?"
The handsome young man turned to her and said......
"Well I don't know about you,but I trod on a duck."
Consigliere
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The Pope has been visiting the USA, ending in New York. The trip is over and it's time to fly back to the Vatican.
Due to a bit of a mistake, the Pope is left alone with a chauffeur and a limousine. The rest of the entourage has already left.
The Pope has a quiet word with the chauffeur:
"Since I became Pope, I have been very heavily protected. I haven't been allowed to drive myself and I miss that. Would you mind if I drove us to the airport?"
The chauffeur is a little uncertain about this - it's his job to drive the Pope, not the other way around. However, he's a Catholic and the Pope himself has asked for a favour. He agrees politely and gets into the back, behind the dark windows.
The Pope gets into the driver's seat, where the chauffeur should be and smiles as he pulls away. All is well until they get to the freeway out of town, heading for the airport. It's the middle of the morning and the hugely wide road is fairly empty. There's a big grunty American engine in the limo and it's so tempting...very soon, the Pope is doing 110mph.
Unsurprisingly, they get pulled over by a copper on a bike, who gets the surprise of his life when he sees who's driving. Unsure of what to do, he radios back to base and speaks to the chief:
Copper: I've stopped a limo doing 110 on the freeway, but the passenger is very important and I'm not sure if I should book them. There might be repercussions.
Chief: Is it the Mayor?
Copper: No sir, more important than the Mayor.
Chief: The Governer's in town today. I'd like to book the Governer.
Copper: No sir, more important than the Governer.
Chief: Don't tell me it's the President. No-one told me the President was in town!
Copper: No sir, more important than the President,
Chief: Who the hell is more important than the President?
Copper: I think the passenger is God.
Chief: ...
Chief: Are you on drugs?
Copper: No, sir!
Chief: Then why are you telling me that God is a passenger in a limo on a freeway in New York?
Copper: Well, sir, whoever the passenger is, they have the Pope as their chauffeur.
Due to a bit of a mistake, the Pope is left alone with a chauffeur and a limousine. The rest of the entourage has already left.
The Pope has a quiet word with the chauffeur:
"Since I became Pope, I have been very heavily protected. I haven't been allowed to drive myself and I miss that. Would you mind if I drove us to the airport?"
The chauffeur is a little uncertain about this - it's his job to drive the Pope, not the other way around. However, he's a Catholic and the Pope himself has asked for a favour. He agrees politely and gets into the back, behind the dark windows.
The Pope gets into the driver's seat, where the chauffeur should be and smiles as he pulls away. All is well until they get to the freeway out of town, heading for the airport. It's the middle of the morning and the hugely wide road is fairly empty. There's a big grunty American engine in the limo and it's so tempting...very soon, the Pope is doing 110mph.
Unsurprisingly, they get pulled over by a copper on a bike, who gets the surprise of his life when he sees who's driving. Unsure of what to do, he radios back to base and speaks to the chief:
Copper: I've stopped a limo doing 110 on the freeway, but the passenger is very important and I'm not sure if I should book them. There might be repercussions.
Chief: Is it the Mayor?
Copper: No sir, more important than the Mayor.
Chief: The Governer's in town today. I'd like to book the Governer.
Copper: No sir, more important than the Governer.
Chief: Don't tell me it's the President. No-one told me the President was in town!
Copper: No sir, more important than the President,
Chief: Who the hell is more important than the President?
Copper: I think the passenger is God.
Chief: ...
Chief: Are you on drugs?
Copper: No, sir!
Chief: Then why are you telling me that God is a passenger in a limo on a freeway in New York?
Copper: Well, sir, whoever the passenger is, they have the Pope as their chauffeur.