TFIF

[Cosimo]

The new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They had spent the day discussing the progress the country had made with the Russians before kicking them out.

"They built us a power plant, an airport, and taught us how to drink vodka and play Russian roulette," the diplomat said.

The ambassador looked pained and said, "Russian roulette is a dangerous game."

"Right, that's why we invented African roulette; would you like to play?"

"I'm not sure, how does it work?"

The African clapped his hands and six gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in.

The diplomat explained, "Choose the one you want to give you oral sex."

The African clapped his hands and six gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in. The diplomat explained, "Choose the one you want to give you oral sex."

"That's a lot better and less risky than Russian roulette..."

"Not when one of them is a cannibal!"

 

[shauncr91]

<stuff>
The African clapped his hands and six gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in. The diplomat explained, "Choose the one you want to give you oral sex."

"That's a lot better and less risky than Russian roulette..."

"Not when one of them is a cannibal!"

Lol

 

[Bennie-Mac]

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'
'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
'Your turn,' says the man.
'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'




A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two *****."

 

[The Dread Pirate]

^^

Heh!

 

[Bennie-Mac]

Three sisters, Monica, Phoebe and Fanny are all invited to a party, so they go to buy new dancing shoes. Monica comes home with a new pair of size 7 stilettos, Phoebe buys a pair of size 8 strappy sandals but poor Fanny, who takes a manly size 14, is forced to go in men's brogues. At the party, Fanny sits alone in the corner, watching her sisters hoof it up on the dance floor.
While they're dancing, two men approach and point down at their feet: 'Wow, those are huge!' one of the men exclaims.
'If you think those are big,' replies Monica proudly, 'wait till you see our Fanny's!'





A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, then pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to leave, the manager shouts: "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager: "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
So the manager opens his dictionary and looks up the word 'panda'.
"What does it say?" asks a confused onlooker.
The boss reads: "Panda: A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."

 

[Mat]

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'
'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
'Your turn,' says the man.
'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

What a bitch!!

 

[The Dread Pirate]

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, then pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to leave, the manager shouts: "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager: "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
So the manager opens his dictionary and looks up the word 'panda'.
"What does it say?" asks a confused onlooker.
The boss reads: "Panda: A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Now this is why correct punctuation is important!