the author is laughing all the way to the bank.
sick of hearing about this on fb now. it's like all girls must read it because they want to fit in and feel they have to, so they have something to natter about on a night out/in. just goes to show they're all dirty mares who aren't aware they're reading a modern day mills and boon.
i hope they write more of 50 shades of chav that is doing the rounds
50 SHADES OF CHAV..though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women, As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight. It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Cr......ispy...... Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of am orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you. As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same!
there's a film in the pipeline too. joy.