*** The Definitive Nerdy Science Jokes Thread ***

Burnsy2023

Burnsy2023

Burnsy2023

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So I want to compile a thread full of the best jokes for science geeks. We all know the obvious ones, but I'm after some of the ones that perhaps aren't so popular and need a bit of love too. You know the ones that you laugh at but usually don't admit to it. Such as:

Two satellite antennae get married, the ceremony was so-so but the reception was great!

Also pictorial ones like here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/babymantis/20-spectacularly-nerdy-science-jokes-1opu

Any more suggestions?
 
:/

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. It's a hardware problem.
 
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2 guys on a very hot day walk into a bar.
The first guy says to the barman "I'm so thirsty, get me a glass of H20 please my good man"
The barman hands over a glass of water and asks the second guy what he wants.
The second guys agrees with the first and says "I'll have a glass of H20 too please".

The second guy died a horrible death.
 
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Gold walks into a bar, the barman spots him and shouts "Au, get outta here!"

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

Two atoms were walking down the hallway when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm absolutely positive."

I'd tell you a joke about cobalt, radium and yttrium but it's really CoRnY.

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks "Can I help you with your luggage?". The photon says "It's ok, I'm travelling light"
 
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A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

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Two bytes are in a bar. One says to the other, "I'm not feeling that well. I think I have a parity error". The other byte responds, "I thought you looked a bit off!"


A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond!
 
Did you hear about the man who got chilled to absolute zero? He's 0k now.

A statistician and 2 friends go hunting. The 1st friend shoots at a deer and misses, 5ft to the left. The 2nd friend misses 5ft to the right. The statistician shouts "We got him!"

Did you hear about the restaurant NASA is building on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.

How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil.
 
Why did the physicist disconnect his doorbell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position!
 
One of my physics lecturers told us this during a quantum mechanics course.

Why was Heisenberg a bad lover?
Because when he had the energy he never had the time, and when he had the time he never had the energy.
 
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