Soldato
- Joined
- 20 Feb 2004
- Posts
- 4,035
- Location
- Blyth, Northumberland
Knock, knock.
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter ThestigGT999
- Start date
- Joined
- 30 Aug 2009
- Posts
- 8,129
- Location
- one nation under sony
who's there?
Associate
- Joined
- 7 Mar 2015
- Posts
- 1,121
- Location
- London
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
Investigator.
Investigator.
- Joined
- 30 Aug 2009
- Posts
- 8,129
- Location
- one nation under sony
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
A: Their bats flew away.
Soldato
- Joined
- 5 Dec 2010
- Posts
- 3,318
- Location
- deep space nine
What do you call a three legged donkey with one eye?
A winkey wonkey
What do you call a three legged donkey with one eye and a cowboy hat on?
A honkey tonkey winkey wonkey
Soldato
- Joined
- 27 Jan 2012
- Posts
- 8,119
- Location
- The king of the north!
I really wish my jokes weren't absolutely inappropriate for any level of this forum
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,765
- Location
- Auckland
Latvian is rub lamp, find genie. Genie say, “What is three wishes?”
Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato!
Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian.
Genie ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Latvian say, “I wish potato!” Then, POOF! Potato!
Latvian so happy! “Oh! Is potato! Is potato!” say Latvian.
Genie ask, “What is next wish?” Latvian is say, “I wish you go away so can enjoy potato!” POOF! Too bad. Also, was only lamp.
Soldato
- Joined
- 5 Dec 2010
- Posts
- 3,318
- Location
- deep space nine
Not sure if rcst
- Joined
- 30 Aug 2009
- Posts
- 8,129
- Location
- one nation under sony
Associate
- Joined
- 6 May 2016
- Posts
- 693
Why did the baker have brown hands?
He kneaded a poo.
He kneaded a poo.
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look .... .. . And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could along the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... And then ...... He tripped and fell.
Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .........
Reaching towards him with its left paw ..... And raising the right paw to strike .....
At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped ...
The bear froze ......
The forest was silent .....
A bright light shone upon the man,
And a voice came out of the sky ...
"You deny my existence for all these years,
You teach others I don't exist
And even credit creation to cosmic accident ........
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light .....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...
But perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
... A pause ...
"Very well," said the voice ...
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed ....
The bear dropped his right arm ....
Brought both paws together ....
Bowed his head & spoke...
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive.
Amen."
'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.
Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look .... .. . And saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could along the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him ....
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... And then ...... He tripped and fell.
Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him .........
Reaching towards him with its left paw ..... And raising the right paw to strike .....
At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped ...
The bear froze ......
The forest was silent .....
A bright light shone upon the man,
And a voice came out of the sky ...
"You deny my existence for all these years,
You teach others I don't exist
And even credit creation to cosmic accident ........
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
"Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light .....
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ...
But perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
... A pause ...
"Very well," said the voice ...
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed ....
The bear dropped his right arm ....
Brought both paws together ....
Bowed his head & spoke...
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive.
Amen."
Associate
- Joined
- 22 Sep 2014
- Posts
- 754
- Location
- South somewhere
Prepare yourselves for an utterly dreadful joke.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
I'll go now...
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
I'll go now...
- Joined
- 30 Aug 2009
- Posts
- 8,129
- Location
- one nation under sony
United Kingdom more like Divided kingdom
Soldato
- Joined
- 25 Sep 2009
- Posts
- 10,208
- Location
- Billericay, UK
It's a sad day in my household you see its the mother-in-laws funeral. She cancelled it.
- Joined
- 30 Aug 2009
- Posts
- 8,129
- Location
- one nation under sony
Two peanuts were walking down the street...
One was assaulted.
One was assaulted.
Associate
- Joined
- 2 Dec 2009
- Posts
- 1,131
- Location
- barrow in furness cumbria
Guys driving along in a van and gets stopped by the police for a random search.
In the back of his van its full of penguins,
Where did you get these from! asks the copper.
Im not really sure I was drunk.... trails off the man
Well you have to take these to the zoo straight away!
OK OK, will do
The next day the man gets pulled over again, this time the penguins are all wearing sunglasses,
I thought I told you to take these to the zoo! yells the police man
I did replies the man Now we're going to the beach
In the back of his van its full of penguins,
Where did you get these from! asks the copper.
Im not really sure I was drunk.... trails off the man
Well you have to take these to the zoo straight away!
OK OK, will do
The next day the man gets pulled over again, this time the penguins are all wearing sunglasses,
I thought I told you to take these to the zoo! yells the police man
I did replies the man Now we're going to the beach