Things can and will get better

Greebo

Greebo

Greebo

Caporegime
Joined
20 Jan 2005
Posts
45,777
Location
Co Durham
4 years ago I was clinically depressed because of work and the thought of going to work made my physically sick. I was a mess, suicidal and had become an alcoholic.

I had an awful bullying employer who then tried to take me to a disciplinary for gross miconduct while I was off with depression.

Fortunately I had a very good gp who got me therapy plus I had good support from friends and family.

It took about a year to get me sorted out and face finding another job and working again.

Roll on three years and I'm still off the booze, working at a friendly family run firm who respect their staff and treat them well if you work hard and yesterday they promoted me to the board of directors (the only none family member on the board) and a 22% payrise.

Looking back I it could have gone so differently and my whole life could have been screwed up. I spent 12 years working my *** off for a boss who really doesn't deserve to have his own company and I pity anybody who works for him.

So anybody in a similar mess, all I will say, no matter how hopeless things look or feel, things can and will get better so long as you get help. I almost left it too late before I asked for help as didn't want to appear that I couldn't cope/handle it. Sometimes you can't cope or the things you are being asked to do is not right or fair.
 
Nothing worse than a bad boss - few years back we had a pretty bad one and had people off with depression including my immediate manager, etc. now we've got a much nicer person in charge and its a far more pleasant and friendly atmosphere and a lot less people taking days off "sick" or signed off long term.
 
Cool story bro.


And yes, that is actually a cool story. Thanks for sharing. If one person gets a bit of motivation out of it then it's worth it. Never suffer a bad boss. Ever. I had a boss who outright told me "dave if you want to go down that road, I'll make your life a living ******* hell". I was recording him as he had a history of bullying tactics and lying. he was a real piece of work. I got ACAS involved, HR, and they got shot of him sharpish. It's a long story, I'll explain at some point but it was a massive turning point in my life.
 
Greebo said:
because of work and the thought of going to work made my physically sick
Click to expand...

Can relate to this.

Every weekday I had this for nearly two years at a helpdesk for solicitors and coroners. Wasn't so much my boss (although he was the cause of it) it was more the **** staff I worked with.

I felt like I was being weak if I sought help (I was 24). However I got a final disciplinary (more made up BS) and told my GP who gave me a month off and the next day I started work at my old place. It quite literally felt the weight of the World had been lifted off my shoulders, I'm sure OP can relate.

I got my own back a little bit in the end. Not that I feel justice was served, but I got two pay packets that month, and my sick pay bought me a new PC :)
 
Been there hit rock bottom, however sometimes it's good to be there gives you a shake up of your life obviously at the time saying that i would have shot you, maybe a good few members on here need to take note of their attitudes towards things having it easy all their lives should try it out they will come back a different person i can assure you.
 
Good man and as a general point....NEVER put up with a bullying employer, all they offer is a job and most of them are good so go find another one and if it gets too much, go get legal assistance and crush their nuts.
 
jsmoke said:
What exactly was your boss like sounds like a nightmare.
Click to expand...

I have posted on this subject before but to bring it up to speed for those that missed it

1. Never give payrises until absolutely pushed and then they were small.
2. expected managers to be available to answer their mobiles evenings, weekends and holidays (I once kept track and on a fortnights holidays in Crete I spent 22 hours on the phone or email with him). He was the same when he was on holiday (he once rang me at 7am while i was at home eating my breakfast and he was still on the phone at 12.30 when I went to lunch. He says if he does that, then his employees should do the same.
3. Looked down on anybody who didnt work as long hours as him. He used to work 80 hours a week and if you weren't matching him, you werent working hard enough.
4. Monitored staff and how long they spent in the toilet.
5. Expected me to cancel my week off at Christmas and come into work as I quote "I'm having to work so don't see why my staff should get to be off"
6. He blamed employees for his mistakes with customers which just meant the customers had a low opinion of senior staff.
7. He was a vocal racist and sexist and the stuff he used to say used to make me cringe.
8. I was expected to eat my lunch (half an hour only anyway) at my desk and work through as "there is a lot to do"
9. Basically, in work and out of work he was right and expected everybody to agree with him.

That's just a few things, the actual final straw that pushed me over the edge I don't want to go through again here. I think its quite telling the the staff turnover rate when I worked there was 50% per annum.

Yes he has a successful company and makes millions but a lot of that comes out of bullying the staff and he could make a few million less and treat his staff properly.

I gave him 12 years of my life, 12 years too many and even now I am still the employee with the record for the longest years working there.
 
I can relate to this. My boss 23 years ago made my life a living hell. I ended up working 12 hour days, 6 days a week & taking paperwork home, that still wasn't enough. I was being summoned to his office almost every week 'why aren't you doing this' 'what did you do that for' 'I will have to take steps with regard to your future' mind games & intimidation were the order of the day back then. It all started when he started having an affair with one of the female staff members - I spoke to the wrong person about it & he took great offence. I couldn't sleep, was prone to outbursts of anger & depressed all the time.

I couldn't take holiday when I wanted so I took days off sick to get some peace & quiet. I considered suicide at one point. I was not alone, he made other staff members lives miserable too, Head Office suspected he was bullying the staff there & I was interviewed by their people a couple of times. I was frightened to say anything, I didn't want to be seen as a troublemaker. I left in the end & when I hurt my neck in my notice period, he said there was no need for me to work my notice.

The day I left, the duty manager threw the store keys at him & told him where he could stick his job. About a year later I heard that he left for a competitor & he got the sack from there. he drifted to company to company & his attitude AFAIK towards staff & staff morale, sales dropped & the shop closed as a result.

I still hate him to this day. I made a vow that I would never end up in that situation again. In this day & age & the attitude I have towards bullies in the workplace, now my mortgage is paid & I'm working to get a liveable pension for when I decide to retire or pack in work to take care of my folks, I'd've filed a grievance against him (I think someone else did)
 
I had a bully Boss when I was around 21-22 I was unemployed, living with parents and pretty fed up...I moved to Liverpool for a month to say with my cousin Ruth...Just to chill, take in the night life and visit family etc...

Anyway I applied for a job as a music technician at a college...at first it was great..for the first 9 months then my boss began to act very odd...she would talk to people I worked with like **** and shout and storm about the place...my supervisor was obviously crushed and this caused really low morale in the team...

Their was a guy with learning difficulties who worked there as part of a government scheme...and one morning I heard shouting in one of the classrooms....I walked in the guy was in tears...he had dropped his glasses and he was fumbling on the floor to find them...my boss was stood over him laughing to herself...

I confronted her and said you can't treat people like that...she stormed out the room....anyway few weeks passed and I started getting phone calls being summoned to her office...I was given all the crappy jobs and any creativity or ideas where quickly quashed and other people were being used to get at me....it was like psychological game playing...

I started to go home on a night and drink...out of frustration...I started to look for other jobs but I just couldn't find one....I was now living in a flat and had met my GF at the time so I was sort of trying to forge a new life in a new city...so was kind of trapped...over the months the bullying got progressively worse so I went to my GP and he signed me of with depression and stress anxiety for 8 weeks...after putting up with it for about 2.5 years I woke up on the morning of my return...walked into her office and quit....

It was a few months before sept...that day I went home to my flat...picked a degree course and moved from Liverpool to Manchester to study a BA honours degree...I was 24

I split with the GF , moved out of the flat and just went...

When I graduated...I promised myself I would never take any **** from anyone else again in the work place....

That situation and job drove me to persue something I wanted and from the moment I quit, I have never looked back.
 
I'm glad you managed to get your life back on track :). Good luck for the future :). Hopefully I'll be able to get my life back on track as well at some point.
 
On a similar vein of sharing turnaround stories, here's mine:

October 31st 2006 I was drunk, alone and stank of ****, puke and stale cigarettes. I wanted to die, but until that point had been too afraid to kill myself. Nothing had happened to get me there, I just happened to be an alcoholic and drug addict.

Fast forward to now, I'm sober, I start a new job on £32k next month (which I'm really excited about), and this Sunday I'm moving into an awesome 3 bed detached house with a garden. The best part is that I get to do it all with my fiance who is incredible and has sorted much of the move out while muggins here does the lifting, and my little girl who will be 1 in a few weeks and who is just the best thing in my life.

So no matter how bad things get, don't make permanent decisions to solve temporary problems, because things can change. It takes work, but you can get there. Even if you feel stuck.
 
Greebo said:
I have posted on this subject before but to bring it up to speed for those that missed it

1. Never give payrises until absolutely pushed and then they were small.
2. expected managers to be available to answer their mobiles evenings, weekends and holidays (I once kept track and on a fortnights holidays in Crete I spent 22 hours on the phone or email with him). He was the same when he was on holiday (he once rang me at 7am while i was at home eating my breakfast and he was still on the phone at 12.30 when I went to lunch. He says if he does that, then his employees should do the same.
3. Looked down on anybody who didnt work as long hours as him. He used to work 80 hours a week and if you weren't matching him, you werent working hard enough.
4. Monitored staff and how long they spent in the toilet.
5. Expected me to cancel my week off at Christmas and come into work as I quote "I'm having to work so don't see why my staff should get to be off"
6. He blamed employees for his mistakes with customers which just meant the customers had a low opinion of senior staff.
7. He was a vocal racist and sexist and the stuff he used to say used to make me cringe.
8. I was expected to eat my lunch (half an hour only anyway) at my desk and work through as "there is a lot to do"
9. Basically, in work and out of work he was right and expected everybody to agree with him.

That's just a few things, the actual final straw that pushed me over the edge I don't want to go through again here. I think its quite telling the the staff turnover rate when I worked there was 50% per annum.

Yes he has a successful company and makes millions but a lot of that comes out of bullying the staff and he could make a few million less and treat his staff properly.

I gave him 12 years of my life, 12 years too many and even now I am still the employee with the record for the longest years working there.
Click to expand...

Have I met him @Greebo ?
 
Massive congrats greebo seems your on the right tracks

Some inspiring stories on here make anything your personally going through seem insignificant.

Also sharing my part

Iv been bullied in the workplace especially as an apprentice to work every hour under the sun as I was cheap labor so they abused it. They used the apprenticeship route as mind games too telling you it's only the ones who put the time in who get kept on, which when I look back at it should have been a red flag to just get my papers and get out once I was out my time. But I allowed it to get to me I drank a lot of my wages away especially when I was working away, my life got so miserable at one point when I was also having a lot of troubles back with my family, work got on top of me about needing time to see family and sort stuff and I did attempt suicide as I saw no other way. It felt like no one would listen. Luckily and I still don't know how to this day except for luck someone came across me and magic performed by the NHS I'm here now to say never do it. There are other ways, find help do something today not tomorrow. I since have finished my apprenticeship, moved onto become a qualified electrician, got engaged and in process of building a life back.

If your reading this as it sounds similar to you please speak to someone, don't let work or life get on top of your level and sound mind
 
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