Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
Can you cry under water?
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press?
How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?
How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
What are imitation rhinestones?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
What do you call male ballerinas?
What is the speed of darkness?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Where's that extra penny going to?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass."
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their rear end when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your rear end?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why do we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a penny for your thoughts"?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why does "monosyllable" have five syllables in it?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God - I could be eating a slow learner."
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing those two songs?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why does your Obstetrician-Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?
Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it rain drops, but snow falls?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wakeup like every two hours?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why is what doctors do called "practice"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
You go to the ballet and you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don’t they just get taller girls?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
Can you cry under water?
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press?
How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?
How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
What are imitation rhinestones?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
What do you call male ballerinas?
What is the speed of darkness?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Where's that extra penny going to?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass."
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their rear end when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your rear end?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why do we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a penny for your thoughts"?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why does "monosyllable" have five syllables in it?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God - I could be eating a slow learner."
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing those two songs?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why does your Obstetrician-Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?
Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it rain drops, but snow falls?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wakeup like every two hours?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why is what doctors do called "practice"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
You go to the ballet and you see girls dancing on their tiptoes. Why don’t they just get taller girls?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
