This one's for you, Mason-

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Angsty teen post warning, if you don't want to be exposed to stupid feelings that mean nothing then leave now.

I wouldn't have done this since it seems too 'attention-seeky', but since you asked... it's complicated. So this isn't going to make any sense.

My long distance girlfriend of about two months just split up with me. It's not my first relationship, but it's the first where it's been anything like that. Where we've been anything as close as that. I think i feel a lot better now than i did yesterday, and this is where it gets complicated. You see, she's polyamorous. This was a new concept to me when we met, but it turned out that i was more comfortable with it than i would have expected. She was going out with someone else since before we met, they split up quite recently too. I was completely cool with her being interested in other people. I've even considered it myself. But if she suddenly tells you that she's made up with an ex who she'd clearly never got over, that they kissed but weren't sure where this left them and asks how you would feel if she broke up with you to try to make it work with him, since he's not comfortable with her being poly. Well i felt like... something i can't say here, and i felt jealous, but i couldn't disagree with her at all. She loved him more, she knew him more and he's there. The worst thing was not knowing. Still technically going out but knowing she could drop you at any minute. Maybe i should have split up with her then, but i couldn't bring myself to do it. Thankfully, i guess, this wasn't for too long and they decided they were going to try to make it work. So i wished them luck, and thanked her. I feel better, but i still feel. She opened me up to this world, one i'd pretty much given up on in high school, and i have no idea where this leaves me.

So there, i opened up to you OcUK in a terrible way that you won't understand at all and that i'm most certainly going to regret later. And that guy who knows my dad, if you're reading, please don't tell him about this

 

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Yeah, i get it, thanks guys. Two months may well be nothing when you've had years of experience and dozens of relationships. Well i haven't. And it still matters to me.

I never expected anybody to understand polyamory. But i will say that it's a lot more complex than you may think. Sometimes it's not a choice, sometimes you just are going to develop feelings for someone while you're in a relationship. Repressing them an not acting on them because you're told that they're wrong has a lot in common with being bi or gay. Sexuality is complicated. And you know, give me one good reason why not?

 

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So someone cheating could use polyamory as an excuse? Being a cheat is wrong and is nothing like being bi or gay.

Well, no, generally it's something you know about before you enter into a relationship with someone. Not too long ago it would be common to hear people say that being gay is wrong. Tell me, exactly, what makes it wrong?

So why did she choose to jack it in now she's back with her old fella just because it makes him jealous? If it really is akin to sexuality, i.e. you don't get to choose the way you are, how can she turn it on and off at the drop of a hat? If that was the lifestyle that she couldn't choose, she wouldn't have gone back to him because you were giving her that lifestyle of freedom.

I'm not trying to be antagonistic or anything pal, but it just sounds like a load of ******** to me. Maybe I've become cold and cynical over the last couple of years, maybe I'm totally wrong (and hey, I can admit when I am) and maybe I don't have all the facts, but from what I can see it just doesn't look kosher.

Either way and more importantly, I hope you're doing ok and feeling better about it all.

I get where you're coming from, and i can't adequately explain my point of view. Honestly? She can't just turn it on and off. She had a lot of issues with depression the last time she tried to be mono. But there's nothing i can do about that from here. There's nothing i could say that would make that better. And besides, of course she loves him more. They've known each other for longer, they dated for over a year and were into each other for longer than that. For that i'm jealous of him. He's there, i can't ask her to stay away from him for me when we'd see each other so infrequently.

 

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what makes murder , theft , sleeping with kids , animal abuse and cheating wrong? someone gets hurt

being gay isnt hurting anyone

...who does it hurt?

 

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You are best out of it op, she told you she is poly but dropped you to be in a mono with an ex? That's going to work well... as Magnolia said, the don't over analyse it.

Think of it as an experience, you've looked through a door to a world few people see or experience, give it a go if it interests you

Btw for clarification - swinging is about sex and jollies, poly is about love & feelings, sex doesn't even have to be a part of it.

You know, this comment has probably helped me the most. Maybe because you actually seem to understand polyamory, maybe because it's the first one I read since drinking whisky, I don't know. But she did what she did. It's easy to justify, because I love her, but she hurt me. That's the motivation I need to move on. I was questioning if we could ever go back to the way we were even before we split up. Of course I would have tried, but...

 

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Fine, thanks magnolia. No need to be a phallus about it. I'll just stop feeling then, shall i?