Thursday joke thread

**not sure how this will fare on this forum so if you're easily offended, or young, or dyed blonde, don't highlight below**

What do you call a dyed blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath

/hides

if you're a natural blonde, don't bother highlighting as you won't get it, if you're a dead blonde, werll, it can only be an improvement... (i have natural blonde streaks...:o )

/edit2 - not improvement in a racist let's kill all the blondes, i mean an improvement in intelligence
 
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Rincewind said:
**not sure how this will fare on this forum so if you're easily offended, or young, or died blonde, don't highlight below**

What do you call a dyed blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath

/hides
Click to expand...

what do you call a blonde that's dyed brunette? artificial intelligence.
 
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Why do women have legs?

Have you seen the mess snails make?
___

Why do women have little feet?

To get closer to the sink.
___

And to redress the balance...

Why did God invent men?

Dildos can't change a tyre.

*n
 
1.Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

They already have boyfriends.

2. Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:"So she would love you."
 
kitten_caboodle said:
2. Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:"So she would love you."
Click to expand...

I see the sense in this actually :)
Ant :cool:
 
kitten_caboodle said:
2. Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:"So she would love you."
Click to expand...

LOL :D
 
Ok, I have the winner:

There's this young guy who is absolutely crazy about tractors. He
collects toy tractors, he makes models of tractors, he reads about
tractors in books and magazines. In fact his whole life revolves around
tractors.

One day, while watching a TV program about tractors, he sees an
advert for an agricultural show in the city. He decides to go because
there will be HUNDREDS of tractors there.

Comes the day of the show, he's there in time for the gates to be
opened. He pays his money, goes in and heads for the tractor stands.
Sure enough, there are hundreds of them.

As he is looking around he spots the granddady of all tractors - a big,
beautiful, blue and chrome machine with 6 foot high rear wheels, a huge
air conditioned cab, stereo to entertain the driver. It is the ultimate in
tractors.

His love for tractors is such that he decides to climb aboard and pretend
that he owns it. So up he goes. Suddenly the disaster strikes! The tractor starts up and with the poor rider, hurtles of a cliff, causing the boy the break every single bone in his body...

The boy never wants to see a tractor again in his life...

A few years later, the now older boy is with his girlfriend in the local bar.
"Wow, this place is really smokey...." She complains
"No problem" says the boy, and takes a huge deep breath...
*SUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuCK!*

All the smoke has left the room, everyone is amazed.

How on earth did you do that?! Asks the girlfriend, stunned.
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(ready?)

"Easy," says the young guy, "I'm an extractor fan."

*gets coat*
 
ok, it's the evening so here's one...

there's a guy who's living out in the fens somewhere, and he has just walked out of a club with a really stunning girl. 20 years old, blonde, 5'6'', 5 digits on each hand. anyway, they've both had a few drinks and have been getting on really well. so as they walk out of the bar the girl asks the guy if she wants to go back to her flat for a few more drinks. around 30 minutes later she tells him to wait in the bedroom while she freshens up... before she leaves, she looks him in the eyes and says "i'm not quite sure how to say this" looks embarrassed, but continues, "i'm a virgin..."
stunned at this the guy panicks and asks if he could quickly use her phone, she says yes and walks off to the bathroom.
the guy dials his parents house, needing fatherly advice... he picks up the phone.
"dad, i've met this really cool girl, stunning to look at, got her own flat in the middle of wisbech, really intelligent"
"go get her Son!" says the father.
"i will, but dad, she's just told me she's a virgin..."
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"YOU GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE RIGHT NOW SON!!! IF SHE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER OWN ****** FAMILY SHE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"

:p
 
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