Thursday Joke
- Thread starter amaru
- Start date
Here's one for the northeners then.
A bloke from Barnsley wakes up with a sore rectum. He goes to the shop and says to the shopkeeper "Nah then, does tha sell *** cream?". The shopkeeper replies "Aye lad we do. Does tha want a magnum or a cornetto?".
Being a Yorkshire lad it made me chuckle.
A bloke from Barnsley wakes up with a sore rectum. He goes to the shop and says to the shopkeeper "Nah then, does tha sell *** cream?". The shopkeeper replies "Aye lad we do. Does tha want a magnum or a cornetto?".
Being a Yorkshire lad it made me chuckle.
Last edited:
Soldato
- Joined
- 15 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 15,788
- Location
- Outside in the bushes
Zom I'd remove the swearie before you yourself are removed!
Wouldn't have thought that word constituted a sweary in this day and age. Removed it anyway but it sort of kills the joke. Another victory for the PC Brigade
Soldato
- Joined
- 15 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 15,788
- Location
- Outside in the bushes
**** is a swearie just because it's use has increased in general conversation it doesn't mean it's no longewr a swear!
Soldato
- Joined
- 10 Sep 2008
- Posts
- 11,973
- Location
- Bangor, Northern Ireland
All those jokes are pure ass
When at last Gordon Brown decided to throw in the towel and resign. His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So 'Sir Humphrey' went from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities.
"There are a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a consultant told Sir Humphrey. but they are mostly freight locomotives."
"Oh dear, a freight locomotive is not very fitting for a prime minister," said Sir Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing to the 'Flying Scotsman'.
"That one has already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called 'Flying Scotsman'."
"Oh well. Couldn't we rename it ?" asked Sir Humphrey.
"I suppose for the prime minister it might be considered," said the consultant.
"That's excellent", said Sir Humphrey, "So that's settled then...let's look at renaming the 'Flying Scotsman'. How much will it cost? Remember we can't spend too much, given the expenses scandal!"
"Well", said the consultant, "Why don't we just paint out the 'F'."
"There are a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a consultant told Sir Humphrey. but they are mostly freight locomotives."
"Oh dear, a freight locomotive is not very fitting for a prime minister," said Sir Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing to the 'Flying Scotsman'.
"That one has already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called 'Flying Scotsman'."
"Oh well. Couldn't we rename it ?" asked Sir Humphrey.
"I suppose for the prime minister it might be considered," said the consultant.
"That's excellent", said Sir Humphrey, "So that's settled then...let's look at renaming the 'Flying Scotsman'. How much will it cost? Remember we can't spend too much, given the expenses scandal!"
"Well", said the consultant, "Why don't we just paint out the 'F'."
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 May 2005
- Posts
- 6,896
simulatorman wins
A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a daffodil!"
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a daffodil!"
Soldato
- Joined
- 9 Sep 2008
- Posts
- 7,940
- Location
- Glasgow
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
My word, you're so funny.