...some numpty had plugged a cable directly from one wall port, to another.
I might be getting the wrong end of the stick here, but someone took out your entire network by patching two switch ports together?
Some idiot this in my second year of secondary school, 12 years ago, bringing down the whole (admittedly much smaller) network. Can you seriously still cause such a catastrophic problem, over a decade later, on significantly more expensive hardware installed by professional engineers, by making the same stupid mistake?