To call or not to call...
- Thread starter Diddums
- Start date
Call him.
It will play on your mind for your life.
I regret not spending enough time with my mother before she passed away. So much so that to this day I call my dad on a daily basis. Just in case.
sorry to hear you're in such a ****** situation.
Tony
It will play on your mind for your life.
I regret not spending enough time with my mother before she passed away. So much so that to this day I call my dad on a daily basis. Just in case.
sorry to hear you're in such a ****** situation.
Tony
I'll share some thing with you, weather or not it does you any good I have no idea, but maybe you'll take some thing from it.
When I was a kid my folks split up, my older brother took it badly & over time he went off the rails, becoming a drug addict & violent bully, he made my life a living hell, and it only stopped when I became to big to handle & turned on him.
From that point on there was bad blood between us, when ever our paths crossed it was allways tense & fractious, at times we we're like 2 dogs circling each other spoiling for a fight.
Well time passed until summer 2001 when years of drug addiction caught up with him, & he OD'd once too often and wound up in a coma, which he wasn't expected to recover from. My dad made the decision to turn off my brothers life support as his body was failing, he asked my to be there at the end but my response was "#### him he's had his chance".
Here I am, 14 years later, and if I could take that decision back I would in a heart beat, it wouldn't of mattered a damn to my brother if I was there, he never regained consciousness, but with the passage of time, ive come to realise how much it would've mattered to me, things needed to be said that remain unsaid, I will regret that decision to my dying day, it weighs heavily on my shoulders & allways will.
When I was a kid my folks split up, my older brother took it badly & over time he went off the rails, becoming a drug addict & violent bully, he made my life a living hell, and it only stopped when I became to big to handle & turned on him.
From that point on there was bad blood between us, when ever our paths crossed it was allways tense & fractious, at times we we're like 2 dogs circling each other spoiling for a fight.
Well time passed until summer 2001 when years of drug addiction caught up with him, & he OD'd once too often and wound up in a coma, which he wasn't expected to recover from. My dad made the decision to turn off my brothers life support as his body was failing, he asked my to be there at the end but my response was "#### him he's had his chance".
Here I am, 14 years later, and if I could take that decision back I would in a heart beat, it wouldn't of mattered a damn to my brother if I was there, he never regained consciousness, but with the passage of time, ive come to realise how much it would've mattered to me, things needed to be said that remain unsaid, I will regret that decision to my dying day, it weighs heavily on my shoulders & allways will.
yeah do it, its the only chance you'll get. it may be bad, it may be good but he's only a flawed human being like the rest of us.
Soldato
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Call him.
He'll either be grateful that you made contact regardless of his attitude throughout his life or not care, either way you'll get closure that you made the effort and you can get over the fact he snubbed you but it'll be harder to get over not knowing how it would've gone.
He'll either be grateful that you made contact regardless of his attitude throughout his life or not care, either way you'll get closure that you made the effort and you can get over the fact he snubbed you but it'll be harder to get over not knowing how it would've gone.
It's hard for me to put myself in your position as I have always been close to my father. The majority on here say call him but if I were you I'm not sure what I would do. Not much help, I know, however I hope whatever you do it is the right thing for you.
Well form my own experience in this matter * an absent abusing father * I was informed last January he was going to pass with cancer and no one knew how long he had left .. I had family members add me to facebook uncles ect saying I need to give him one last chance
I could not and refused to see him my feeling's about him have not changed he is and was an evil man who made mine & my mothers life hell
You are 30 do what make's you happy mate you have a life ect and if you have moved on and delt with the stuff from your past don't go back there
Im much happier now not having him in my life
I could not and refused to see him my feeling's about him have not changed he is and was an evil man who made mine & my mothers life hell
You are 30 do what make's you happy mate you have a life ect and if you have moved on and delt with the stuff from your past don't go back there
Im much happier now not having him in my life
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Soldato
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I'd call.
I had a bad relationship with my mother, and when she was in hospital I didn't go to see her. Admittedly I had no idea she'd die, but that probably wouldn't have changed my mind either way at the time.
I regret that now. I wish I had gone to see her, because even if I hadn't reconciled things, at least I'd have tried.
I had a bad relationship with my mother, and when she was in hospital I didn't go to see her. Admittedly I had no idea she'd die, but that probably wouldn't have changed my mind either way at the time.
I regret that now. I wish I had gone to see her, because even if I hadn't reconciled things, at least I'd have tried.
The very fact that you are asking if you should, to me, means you should probably call him. It makes me think it's something you need to do you for you and your own future peace of mind. I think if you thought you wouldn't have regrets you'd have said no in a hot minute.
This sums up my thinking on it really.
Personally I'd be worried that I would feel like this in years to come and I can only imagine that it's a hard thing to live with. All the best in whatever you decide to do.
This is exactly what I was going to say ^^
He may well have been an awful father, and perhaps an awful person towards you, but when it's all said and done, he's still your father. By calling him you have absolutely nothing to lose, but potentially something to gain from it. Just because he was a sucky father, doesn't mean you have to deliberately not phone him to "get back at him" for being so sucky.
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Tough choice, maybe...
Call him if you want, but do it for you, not him. You won't have another chance by the sound of it, so if it's important to you, do it.
I concluded long ago that parents are as good or as bad as any of the people you're likely to meet in your life; they are what they are, for better or worse, and you cannot change that.
But I digress. If it's what you want, call him, even if it's just to say goodbye to someone who's only connection to you is blood.
Call him if you want, but do it for you, not him. You won't have another chance by the sound of it, so if it's important to you, do it.
I concluded long ago that parents are as good or as bad as any of the people you're likely to meet in your life; they are what they are, for better or worse, and you cannot change that.
But I digress. If it's what you want, call him, even if it's just to say goodbye to someone who's only connection to you is blood.
Soldato
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Call him, say goodbye.
Let him say anything he likes, and be done with it.
Let him say anything he likes, and be done with it.
If you're really done with you father, then just let it go and put it all behind you along with everything else.
However, the fact that you're here asking about it makes me think you still are conflicted and have a lot of unresolved issues with your father. If that's the case, call him and maybe you'll get some kind of closure, and at worst nothing changes but you will feel better that you did something instead of wondering the rest of your life if you should have done so.
He may or may not apologise to you, but you might be able to forgive him anyway and gain a bit more peace for yourself.
However, the fact that you're here asking about it makes me think you still are conflicted and have a lot of unresolved issues with your father. If that's the case, call him and maybe you'll get some kind of closure, and at worst nothing changes but you will feel better that you did something instead of wondering the rest of your life if you should have done so.
He may or may not apologise to you, but you might be able to forgive him anyway and gain a bit more peace for yourself.
Soldato
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Call him.
You don't have to accept his apology if he tries to give one. You don't have to tell him he's forgiven. This isn't some soppy film - everything isn't going to be repaired by one phone-call. Just say goodbye and have an honest conversation:
"Hi. I heard you were dying and I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm calling for selfish reasons; I don't want to regret not calling you, frankly. I was your son once, and I can thank you for my existence but little else. I don't expect or want an apology and if you give one I probably won't forgive you. But I'm saying goodbye, for me."
You don't have to accept his apology if he tries to give one. You don't have to tell him he's forgiven. This isn't some soppy film - everything isn't going to be repaired by one phone-call. Just say goodbye and have an honest conversation:
"Hi. I heard you were dying and I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm calling for selfish reasons; I don't want to regret not calling you, frankly. I was your son once, and I can thank you for my existence but little else. I don't expect or want an apology and if you give one I probably won't forgive you. But I'm saying goodbye, for me."
Perfect first response. Do this.