To call or not to call...

Due to a number of reasons my Dad didn't go to his Sisters funeral. The only pertinent piece of information is that there was an issue with different sides of the family, sourced from the death of their mother. He still regrets it, even if it would have been a real ****-storm on the day, but it's something he can't undo now. Call him, even if it's the worst phone call of you're life, it's better to do it than have it eat at you later like it does him

- GP
 
Call him. The worst that could happen is that he doesn't want to hear it and you can then get on with you life as you have been doing.

Or he might appreciate the call and it will bring you closure once he is gone knowing that you put the effort into giving him a opportunity to "make amends". By that im not trying to say a phonecall can take back what he has done. But as i said it might give you and or him some closure.

Don't regret not calling him for the rest of your life!
 
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From reading your post I can understand why you might be questioning whether it is worth calling him or not, but do it.

He is your father at the end of the day and this is your last chance to speak to him, if you don't do it you may well regret and wonder "what if" for the rest of your life.

Good luck.
 
I don't think you'd regret calling but you might regret not calling and there won't be anything you can do about it after Thursday
 
I do hope that the OP will have read through the comments already made on this thread, the majority of which seem to contain virtually the same message... make that call!
 
My own father left many years ago, I have no idea if he is alive or dead. For me, if I was to be placed in your situation I wouldn't call. As far as I am concerned I don't have a father.
 
Call him I would say. You might regret not calling him. Best to make peace as it will be done and hopefully won't bother you in the future.

Good luck, a situation I wouldn't envy
 
Cosimo said:
Call him. Your words may bring him some extra peace and for you prevent any niggling regrets you will have after he has passed away.

Forgiving is hard but the peace it brings is worth the effort so be strong and call.
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nicely put - I agree.

Good luck and a massively difficult situation to deal with - all the best.
 
Definitely do not call. Without going into details I have had major parent issues all my life. Not so much my father but my mother and each time I have tried to patch things up it has failed.
I heard she was seriously ill but also found I really did not care.

So get on with your life he is not part of it and his dying does not change that.
 
Kronos said:
Definitely do not call. Without going into details I have had major parent issues all my life. Not so much my father but my mother and each time I have tried to patch things up it has failed.
I heard she was seriously ill but also found I really did not care.

So get on with your life he is not part of it and his dying does not change that.
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The OP clearly does care though, (at least on some level), otherwise he wouldn't have made this thread.
 
Kronos said:
Definitely do not call. Without going into details I have had major parent issues all my life. Not so much my father but my mother and each time I have tried to patch things up it has failed.
I heard she was seriously ill but also found I really did not care.

So get on with your life he is not part of it and his dying does not change that.
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I'm not targeting you, because there are a lot of similar posts in this thread, but yours was the most recent.

Surely your personal experience is just completely irrelevant to this chap's situation? Most of us are advising he do it primarily so there's no chance of him regretting NOT doing it, not because of any experience we might have had. I expect then our advice would still be the same.

I've had two close relatives die and the thing that always cut me up most was that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. My uncle committed suicide on the night of my 23rd birthday after my other uncle had got remarried. I barely spoke to him that night because he was an odd man, but I did love him and every time I think about it I get very upset. I just would have liked the chance to say goodbye and tell him that he was loved, despite his actions.

Saying goodbye means everything to some people.
 
I wouldn't call.

I don't get what benefit will come out of talking to him, will he admit that he should have spent more time with you and treated you like an actual son? Would that make you feel any better about the situation? It would make me feel worse because then you'd wish you had the time you don't have.

If you really want closure on anything, then it is the perfect time to ask, but you will probably feel resentment towards him, or sadness that he's going. Nothing good for you will come out of it I don't think, and you shouldn't feel bad because of his selfishness.
 
Its a tough one and I can understand a lot of people saying you should call but I would be asking why he hasnt called you? If I was in his situation then I would be ringing my son and apologising for being a grade A you-know-what all of these years but if he hasn't done that then you have to question if you are better off without him completely?
 
Hi I personally think you should call or jump on a plane an go see him, it's what I would do.

Hope you find peace with which ever decision you take.
 
I'd definitely call him OP.

I know for sure everything inside you is telling you not too, you potentially hold a lot of anger and resentment.

Call him and find it in yourself to forgive him. It'll be the only way you will ever get over this or you'll shoulder it for the rest of your life considering he will be gone. It sounds so ****ing cheesy I know but trust me I've been there myself.

There is a point we all have to forgive the people who have wronged us to finally put something to rest. Even if you still feel angry and don't forgive him for everything he's done (Justifiably so) it's better to call him.

Ultimately the decision comes down to what you want to do though.
 
Call him. I appreciate he has caused you pain but if you regret not calling him then you can never change it. If you can find it within yourself to make peace with him and let him know it, then it may also help him in his final hours.

You can make your own decisions but if it were me then I would call.
 
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