To guys who are divorced: When u started dating again - how did women react when you first told them

KatanaDV20 · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:07

Hows it goin GD

Ive been divorced 3 years. Just wanna say it was a really amicable thing, no tearing into each other at all. We were just not a good match and didnt share the same life goals thats all. We wished each other well and went our separate ways.

Fast forward to the present and Im 100% recovered and back in form. I work out 8hrs/week, and feel great. For the first time Ive finally started thinking "Id like to meet someone".

Right I'll get to the point - I have a really deep-seated fear that I'll meet someone awesome but when I tell her Im divorced...she'll run a mile

I guess the thoughts running through their head will be "Crap...he must have been really bad to his ex...maybe hes some kinda loony...I better get the heck outta here."

And this mind-block is stopping me from asking out women Ive met.

So to you dudes on here who are divorced - and now have someone new in your lives: what was her reaction when you told her?

And even if you dont have a new gal...what were the reactions you got on dates etc. when you told them? Did you have to explain why marriage failed to put them at ease that you were not some kinda whacko? Did they want to know?

I know,..dumb questions but its totally freaking me out. Ive already spotted someone real nice at the gymn who always talks to me but Im afraid to ask her out. Lame. I know!..

Hit me with the replies GD, am I being too hyper :confused:

DirtyJester · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:11

While at the Gym have you dropped something heavy (no not your scrotum) on your head? Ask her out and be positive about it too!

kitch9 · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:12

If a woman runs a mile because you have a past then I'd guess you aren't going to marry that one.

Theophany · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:16

I'm not divorced, but based on the fact that you actually care about this **** enough to ask a forum of random strangers, I'd say you're probably a catch. Don't sell yourself short. Cliché as it is, if she runs a mile because of who you are, she isn't the right one.

Not exactly the voice of experience, but maybe it'll give you the confidence you need not to care about it any more.

lucy_bee · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:19

Sensing some insecurity here. We all have a past

It's hard, but just ask her out.

Raymond Lin · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:20

Why did she leave you?

She saw through me.

cookie to who know where that is from

Theophany · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:22

Notting Hill.

GIEF COOKIE.

Raymond Lin · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:23

Theophany said:
Notting Hill.

GIEF COOKIE.

I can post you a packet. Seriously!

[FnG]magnolia · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:25

If the women you're speaking to are accepting, open and able to listen without judging (hint: look for these type of women) then I don't think you have anything to worry about. Divorce is so common these days that you'll probably find that many of the women you speak to have also gone through one.

Whilst divorce is obviously a big thing in anyone's life, don't let it define or limit you. If you meet someone and want to ask them out then you should. Divorce happens and yours happened for good reasons. Any woman who you would want to be with will accept that as just part of who you are, part of your past. Any woman who doesn't, well ... I'm sure you can work that bit out yourself.

Theophany · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:37

Raymond Lin said:
I can post you a packet. Seriously!

Please do this, photos with Hovis will be posted

It will make my day!

Morba · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:38

Most won't care tbh

peige · 5 Sep 2012 at 21:44

Most don't care, they would be more suspicious if you had never had a serious relationship.

Antar Bolaeisk · 5 Sep 2012 at 22:38

How do you plan on reacting to her when she tells you that she's divorced?

cymatty · 5 Sep 2012 at 22:49

Its all relative, it all depends on age.

If you are 30 with 0 past that is much weirder and more of a turn off than 30 with a past, however at 16 its the opposite way around.

MeatLoaf · 5 Sep 2012 at 22:49

My current gf was cool with me being divorced, and shes great with my kids from the previous marriage.

What she did find difficult is the fact my ex wife lived NEXT door lol. Thankfully shes moved now tho i do wish the kids were still there.

WILD9 · 5 Sep 2012 at 22:56

I know exactly where your coming from, I'm 32 and divorced (never saw life working out this way) We separated in exactly the same way and are still friends. I'm not quite where you are yet in that its only been 9 months so I'm nowhere near ready for another long term relationship, just enjoying my freedom again, but I had the same concern for a time.

The conclusion I came to was that its not going to matter in the long run, if you both want to be together then its hardly a big problem. In the short run I probably wouldn't mention it until a few weeks in, you might not work out anyway in which case its not a problem either.

Just don't go in with the 'I'm damaged goods' mentality, that's far more likely to make them run a mile than the divorce. Your entitled to make yourself happy, you don't need to apologise for what life has thrown at you. Everyone has past, its why we are all so interesting

.

KatanaDV20 · 6 Sep 2012 at 22:37

Theophany said:
I'm not divorced, but based on the fact that you actually care about this **** enough to ask a forum of random strangers, I'd say you're probably a catch. Don't sell yourself short. Cliché as it is, if she runs a mile because of who you are, she isn't the right one.

Not exactly the voice of experience, but maybe it'll give you the confidence you need not to care about it any more.

Whoa...thanks...honestly lost for words..but thanks for that

lucy_bee said:
Sensing some insecurity here. We all have a past It's hard, but just ask her out.

This is v true, thanx Lucy!!!

[FnG]magnolia;22711348 said:
If the women you're speaking to are accepting, open and able to listen without judging (hint: look for these type of women) then I don't think you have anything to worry about. Divorce is so common these days that you'll probably find that many of the women you speak to have also gone through one.

Whilst divorce is obviously a big thing in anyone's life, don't let it define or limit you. If you meet someone and want to ask them out then you should. Divorce happens and yours happened for good reasons. Any woman who you would want to be with will accept that as just part of who you are, part of your past. Any woman who doesn't, well ... I'm sure you can work that bit out yourself.

Spot-on...specially the last bit.. Will keep this in mind...

WILD9 said:
I know exactly where your coming from, I'm 32 and divorced (never saw life working out this way) We separated in exactly the same way and are still friends. I'm not quite where you are yet in that its only been 9 months so I'm nowhere near ready for another long term relationship, just enjoying my freedom again, but I had the same concern for a time.

The conclusion I came to was that its not going to matter in the long run, if you both want to be together then its hardly a big problem. In the short run I probably wouldn't mention it until a few weeks in, you might not work out anyway in which case its not a problem either.

Just don't go in with the 'I'm damaged goods' mentality, that's far more likely to make them run a mile than the divorce. Your entitled to make yourself happy, you don't need to apologise for what life has thrown at you. Everyone has past, its why we are all so interesting .

Hey thanks loads dude, that is solid advice and is something I didnt think about from that angle. You and the others have all said "we all have a past"...which is true, I guess Im realizing its a part of life and it makes us who we are.

On another note - sorry to hear your marriage broke up. As u now know Ive been there and I know what its like. But - Im also here to tell you the pain doesnt last forever

In fact one day it just straight-out VANISHED. In a situation like this you gotta swim - or you sink. Enjoy the singly-life...heck im lovin it too much lol. WHen you feel ready and get back out there u are sure to meet a nice gal. Thats what datings all about.."Next...next...next...whoa...do YOU wanna come home?"

Chin up.

WILD9 · 6 Sep 2012 at 23:04

KatanaDV20 said:
On another note - sorry to hear your marriage broke up. As u now know Ive been there and I know what its like. But - Im also here to tell you the pain doesnt last forever In fact one day it just straight-out VANISHED. In a situation like this you gotta swim - or you sink. Enjoy the singly-life...heck im lovin it too much lol. WHen you feel ready and get back out there u are sure to meet a nice gal. Thats what datings all about.."Next...next...next...whoa...do YOU wanna come home?" Chin up.

Thanks mate, I always knew it was the right decision but as you know the whole thing is a crazy upheaval in your life and emotionally complicated. As of the last couple of months I've got to the place where all the pain has gone and I cant believe how lucky I am to have a second shot at happy life.

I Just want to live as much as possible at the moment and enjoy every opportunity I get, being single again really is amazing! I have no intention of getting into a long term relationship for another year or so but that's not stopping me from having some fun

KatanaDV20 · 6 Sep 2012 at 23:17

WILD9 said:
Thanks mate, I always knew it was the right decision but as you know the whole thing is a crazy upheaval in your life and emotionally complicated. As of the last couple of months I've got to the place where all the pain has gone and I cant believe how lucky I am to have a second shot at happy life.

I Just want to live as much as possible at the moment and enjoy every opportunity I get, being single again really is amazing! I have no intention of getting into a long term relationship for another year or so but that's not stopping me from having some fun

The sense of freedom is so immense its sometimes an overload. You can do WHATEVER you want, go WHEREVER you want ...WHENEVER you want. No need to check with someone. I surf the net and see a dance festival somewhere in Europe. Oh hell yes Easyjet booked without blinking. Now that she aint around I dont have to suffer museums

Seriously make the most of this ...before the next one comes along