To those with children.. (and that plan to)

FinglisHobbit

FinglisHobbit

FinglisHobbit

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At what age do you want your child to be out of your house and leading their own independent life?.

Guess this also goes to people without children but with the plan in mind.

Currently the trend is that we are staying with parents later, maybe for financial reasons.

Personally if I have children the selfish side of me wants them out so I can get back to my own unhindered ways.

I imagine we have some stereotypical nerdy types here who are nearing their 40s and living with Mum. I feel this is a bit unfair as we all just have one chance at life and parents need to get their lives back.
 
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My daughter is welcome to live with us for as long as she wants. I expect, if things go to plan, she will move out for university and probably want her own place after that but if she would rather come home she will be welcome.
 
FinglisHobbit said:
I feel this is a bit unfair as we all just have one chance at life and parents need to get their lives back.
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If you're any kind of parent, your kids are your life. Everything else gets downgraded. I moved out at about 18, because I craved independence more than anything. I will support the needs of mine as long as they need me
 
Yeah OP has quite a selfish attitude really, probably when he has kids that will change.

My children would be welcome in our home for as long as they wanted. Don't see how it would be a negative thing having them around.
 
d_brennen said:
If you're any kind of parent, your kids are you life. Everything else gets downgraded. I moved out at about 18, because I craved independence more than anything. I will support the needs of mine as long as they need me
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Yeah I can imagine my feelings would change if I had a child. I would never turn my child away or deny them anything, but I would like to think they would also have it in them to consider me too.

Writing this I feel kinda guilty for times I might pester my own mother for help with things, she's always so giving and caring, but I do feel I've took the **** sometimes.
 
Greenja said:
Yeah OP has quite a selfish attitude really, probably when he has kids that will change.

My children would be welcome in our home for as long as they wanted. Don't see how it would be a negative thing having them around.
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Oh don't get me wrong, my family is always welcome. However I do feel that some people take a lend of their parents way too much. To the extent that their own desire to just stay at home for decades is selfish in itself.

Certainly easy paying tiny contributions, having mummy do your laundry and cook your meals.

I'd hope my kids know when it's time to grow up and gtfo lol.
 
FinglisHobbit said:
I feel this is a bit unfair as we all just have one chance at life and parents need to get their lives back.
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Should have thought of that before having kids then :p

FinglisHobbit said:
Certainly easy paying tiny contributions, having mummy do your laundry and cook your meals.
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I would say that's more due to poor parenting rather than the kids being selfish. From the age of ~12 I was always doing my own laundry, and helping with the cooking, as soon as I got my first job (paper round at 15), my mum got me to buy and cook 1 family meal a week, and scaled that up as I was earning more.

IMO over-caring for your kids and spoiling them so they never learn to be independent and self supportive is just as bad as kicking them out and turning your back on them the moment they turn 18.
 
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I left home at 18 to go to uni, then came back for a a year, went travelling for a year, then went back for another year and a bit before I bought my own place. They must have got annoyed thinking they'd got rid of me only for me to return again!

The only reason I went back was to save money. They knew this and were happy to help out by not charging me any rent. I would be fine with my kids doing something like this as long as there was an end goal for them and they weren't just getting a free-ride with no ambition to move out.
 
Its a bit of a daft question really and maybe because you dont have kids you wouldnt understand but reality is its not something you can plan for but as mentioned above - they can stay when they can stand on their own two feet. In fact there would always be an open door if they needed to come back.
 
Remember it works both ways, once your parents are old & frail it's likely you will be assisting I the care I'd them.

Being a good parent in my view is building an environment in which each groups enjoys being around each other & thinks nothing of helping out. Obviously some feel the need to move out sooner, but for many a string of bad luck could send them back to the rest to recuperate.
 
If you feel that way, don't have children until your older then you have had your life.
I would like my children to stay around as long as possible. I'm still living at home at 29, my plan was always to move out when i meet someone, were currently saving for a house hopefully next year. Children will soon follow once we are settled.
 
elmarko said:
Remember it works both ways, once your parents are old & frail it's likely you will be assisting I the care I'd them.

Being a good parent in my view is building an environment in which each groups enjoys being around each other & thinks nothing of helping out. Obviously some feel the need to move out sooner, but for many a string of bad luck could send them back to the rest to recuperate.
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Its the first point you make that is kinda what makes me feel the way I do. Some people have a child at say 20 yrs old. This child then grows up, stays at home, stays at home the whole time. For 40 years. The mother is now 60 and approaching "old age". Then comes the time she needs care. The offspring now might step up and take care.. But how restricted has the parents life been until then.

40 years of not being able to strut about your own house with your todger out is depressing.
 
FinglisHobbit said:
Its the first point you make that is kinda what makes me feel the way I do. Some people have a child at say 20 yrs old. This child then grows up, stays at home, stays at home the whole time. For 40 years. The mother is now 60 and approaching "old age". Then comes the time she needs care. The offspring now might step up and take care.. But how restricted has the parents life been until then.

40 years of not being able to strut about your own house with your todger out is depressing.
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You do know you dont have to wipe their a$$es - they do become adults and will have lives of their own -they might still live in your house but you do have the ability to get on with it and enjoy yourself.
 
My son has just turned 1, and I'm looking forward to him growing up at home and contributing to the homestead. Soon as we can put him to work, his Mum and I are on easy street. :D

In all seriousness though, we'll support our child until we mutually think it's a good time for him (and possibly his brother or sister if we're lucky enough) to fly the nest. Be that university, move out with friends, or even get his own place. That said, we're not going to be walked over and he will learn the value of money and the importance of independence. All about balance.
 
Feek said:
When they're ready. It's as simple as that.
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Is it that simple?.

If your child just grows up. Lives in your house the whole time and Contributes what he/she feels necessary, you have no upper limit before you think "hmm I kinda wish he/she would move out and let me and Mrs Feek get back our freedom before we pop our clogs".

I understand people staying at home til later due to house prices etc. But people in their 30s would pprobably benefit from parents with my attitude :-D
 
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