Todays first friday joke

Noxis

Noxis

Noxis

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Surrey
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.

"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources Rep during the
welcoming briefing.

"You get all the usual benefits. You can go to the cafeteria for something
to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm
quite satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has
disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals asked the others,
"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued,
"You fool! For four weeks we've been eating
managers and no one noticed anything, but NOOOO, you had to go and eat
someone important!"
 
black_cab.jpg
 
Did you make that up? It's not even a joke FFS! You've ruined my weekend. :mad:
 
Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to Someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you....but the girl said NO. Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend..... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.....She said "The 'illegitimate guy' used coins"

Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Do not edit moderator comments.
YES SIR!
 
Last edited:
Oh God that's even worse. This thread needs closed then burned then thrown in a river then the river should be shot into space.
 
Sarah, a recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on her beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had just placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Nice morning, isn't it?"

"Yes, it certainly is," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree, he answered, and then resumed reading.

Noticing a cat walking in the dune grass and trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted.

"Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?
 
Here's another one for all you really appreciative guys out there who love me dearly!

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Patrick jumps up and says in a broad accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
 
Gedalia_w said:
Here's another one for all you really appreciative guys out there who love me dearly!

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Patrick jumps up and says in a broad accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
Click to expand...

Lol. Awesome. :D
 
Tru said:
Oh God that's even worse. This thread needs closed then burned then thrown in a river then the river should be shot into space.
Click to expand...

I laughed more at that post than the joke it was in response to.
 
Gedalia_w said:
Here's another one for all you really appreciative guys out there who love me dearly!

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Patrick jumps up and says in a broad accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
Click to expand...

eh?


Edit : oh :eek: Hee Hee :D
 
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