Triple channel is better than dual channel, but at the moment there is no significant gains for going for a triple channel set. The current best CPU, Sandy Bridge, uses dual channel memory controller. Sandy Bridge E will use a quad channel controller. It's the controller which determines if the RAM runs in single/dual/triple/quad/etc channel, and if you have the right amount of RAM modules.
Active programs are stored on the RAM, so you only need loads if you use software which uses a lot of RAM. 4gb is more than enough for gaming, 8gb is good enough things like video rendering, anymore and you're entering server needs. Having more RAM when you don't need it will do nothing performance wise. Although 4gb is more than enough for a normal consumer, the price for an 8gb kit makes it the the best deal at the moment.
Speed and timings is what affects the memory performance. The higher the speed, the better it will perform. The lower the timings, the better. But really you won't notice the difference much in real world situations. 1600mhz CAS 9 seems to be the sweet spot so far. I don't really fully understand this bit myself, so you may need to dig deeper into this, but it gets really confusing...