SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows; you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the
other, and then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your
herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot,
and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and
execute the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that
you have one. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You
close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The Government says you have to
buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk assessment,
which only the government Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5
times the cost of doing it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk
under health and safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that
is designed to support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to
carry. The stool exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos,
which just happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool
from one cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC approved)
trolley. The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to
mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training
course you must take to get your licence to milk the cows. You sell your
milk to the supermarket chain that pays you next to nothing for it, and then
they sell it to their customers for four times what they paid you. Then they
release a press statement about how wonderful they are to support British
Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you and your cows
know that it is not true and Anyway the rest of the world, have no intention
of identifying and counting their mad cows so people in other countries
don't know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell your cows
to a Polish Migrant worker and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and
then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny and
the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home. They don't have a
National Health Service.......but you are so happy and relaxed your health
improves and you live to be a hundred.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the
other, and then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your
herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot,
and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and
execute the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that
you have one. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You
close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The Government says you have to
buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk assessment,
which only the government Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5
times the cost of doing it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk
under health and safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that
is designed to support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to
carry. The stool exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos,
which just happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool
from one cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC approved)
trolley. The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to
mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training
course you must take to get your licence to milk the cows. You sell your
milk to the supermarket chain that pays you next to nothing for it, and then
they sell it to their customers for four times what they paid you. Then they
release a press statement about how wonderful they are to support British
Cows. The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you and your cows
know that it is not true and Anyway the rest of the world, have no intention
of identifying and counting their mad cows so people in other countries
don't know their cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell your cows
to a Polish Migrant worker and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and
then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny and
the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home. They don't have a
National Health Service.......but you are so happy and relaxed your health
improves and you live to be a hundred.
.
