wednesday joke

Soldato
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Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................



"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"


"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi,
and what's your name?"


"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.


"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"




"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles." :p
 
Actually...that reminds me of an absolutely filthy joke told when I was a kid...I don't remember the joke itself but the punchline was 'only for a chocolate biscuit' and it involved hiding in cupboards and oral sex.

*n
 
penski said:
Actually...that reminds me of an absolutely filthy joke told when I was a kid...I don't remember the joke itself but the punchline was 'only for a chocolate biscuit' and it involved hiding in cupboards and oral sex.

*n

I was told that joke too! Cant remember it at all, but I remember that punch line. Damn thats gonna annoy me now.
 
Six6siX said:
I was told that joke too! Cant remember it at all, but I remember that punch line. Damn thats gonna annoy me now.

I think it was just about a lad at a girl's house...the girl's dad comes home and he has to hide in the cupboard, only for a chocolate biscuit et cetera.

*n
 
penski said:
Actually...that reminds me of an absolutely filthy joke told when I was a kid...I don't remember the joke itself but the punchline was 'only for a chocolate biscuit' and it involved hiding in cupboards and oral sex.

*n

hahahahaha, my god...

i remember that. If only i could remember the whole joke now.
 
penski said:
I think it was just about a lad at a girl's house...the girl's dad comes home and he has to hide in the cupboard, only for a chocolate biscuit et cetera.

*n

I also believe it was a very racist joke. And involved the pulling out of individual pubic hairs? I remember the whole joke, bit too racist for here though.
 
Quantic said:
I also believe it was a very racist joke. And involved the pulling out of individual pubic hairs? I remember the whole joke, bit too racist for here though.

I loved the age where you didn't know or didn't care about jokes being racist.

So you could get away with gleefully telling the headmaster why German showers have eleven holes in the heads...

*n

Edit: penski at gmail dot com - send it my way :)
 
hybrid said:
hahahahaha, my god...

i remember that. If only i could remember the whole joke now.

Ditto. Although I have a feeling it wasnt particulaly funny - it just seemed hilarious at the time because it was so rude (and I was so innocent...) :p

I tried googling, but no luck. Life goes on..
 
Six6siX said:
Ditto. Although I have a feeling it wasnt particulaly funny - it just seemed hilarious at the time because it was so rude (and I was so innocent...) :p

I tried googling, but no luck. Life goes on..

I remember that joke clearly lol but as said above it is quite racist.
 
Long Joke


After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent
word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skill, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"

And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody
on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had
finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the
belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed
to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the
fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,

(scroll down)

























"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"....

WAIT! WAIT! There's more.............



The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart
due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of
the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry
yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's
brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned,
clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy,
rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is the man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but............."



(.....Wait for it.......)
























HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER." :D
 
A few more

One day God calls down to Noah and
says, "Noah me old china, I want you
to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old
Supreme Being. Anything you want
after all you're the guv'

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's
a catch. This time Noah, I don't
want just a couple of decks, I want
20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!" screams Noah "Well, OK
Big Man, whatever you say. Should I
fill it up with all the animals just
like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well. Sort of
right. This time I want you to fill
it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?" queries Noah.

"Yep, fish. Well, to make it more
specific Noah, I want carp - wall to
wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my
old mucker, let me get this right,
you want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the
other?"

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?"

"Check".

"Why?" Asks the perplexed Noah, who
was slowly but surely getting to the
end of his tether.
"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a

Multi-Storey Carp Ark"

*Waits by door for taxi*

*********************************


The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.

"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks sweetly.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! Alright! Is that alright with you?
Can't I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself...
"Well, I guess it's that time of the month!" :D

*Gets in taxi*
 
Quazimodo walks in the kitchen & sees an upturned wok on the table,

Esmerelda! are your cooking my favourite chinese dinner ?

to which she replies -


No actually I am about to iron your shirt :p
 
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