Wednesday Joke

Swampyseifer

Swampyseifer

Swampyseifer

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Joined
9 Jan 2008
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511
Location
UK
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

'Where's Kristian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Kristian's abode.

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Kristian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed. I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian'
 
facepalm
 
Paddy and Mick were approaching a Londonderry pub which had been destroyed by a Protestant bomb only minutes before.

As they passed, a head rolled out of the smouldering ruins and across the pavement before them. Paddy stooped, picked it up and held it for Mick to see.

"Shure now Mick, isn't this Sean Murphy?"

"No, Paddy, no, it couldn't be. It's an amazin' resemblance, but Murphy was taller than that."
 
An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went into a bar. The Englishman stood a round of drinks, the Irishman stood a round of drinks and the Scotsman stood around.

How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home?

Tell him that the drinks are on the house.
 
A travelling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in process.

A sign read: "Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman".

The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman.

Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out his huge member and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw the faded sign for the same circus and the same sign: "Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman.

He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.

The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show. "You're incredible!" he told the Scotsman. "But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?"

"Well," said the Scot, "Me eyes are nae whit they used to be.
 
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