What would you consider cheating??

sara said:
If I was flirting with, frequently calling and texting someone who wasn't my boyfriend, I would feel in the wrong. I would feel like I ought to break up with my boyfriend. I would feel like I was being 'naughty'.

Hence if someone did that to me, I would think it wrong.

You're allowed to be very hacked off about it, silentriver. It's not strictly cheating, but it's hurtful, and not right.
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I personally disagree with this. You are allowed to make your own friendships and firendships with different people have different limits.

You can have friendships with the other sex who are just as close as your same sex friendships. Whi is it wrong to have opposite sex friends? Why is it wrong to spend time with them developing your friendship. Can you not have strong friendships with the opposite sex and have a partner at the same time? I must have missed that memo.

Its fine to feal guilty about spending less time with your partner if you have made a strong relationship with someone and are not able to include your partner in the relationship. But if you know you are just freinds then whats the problem? Just make a concious effort to spend more quality time with your partner and explain to your friend that you are doing things with your partner than night and want to be uninterupted ;)

I cant agree with people that want their relationships to be so exclusive that they put that relationship before other friendships. That imo is not healthy for anyone.
 
MATTeL - haha, catch 22 - if there's no trust, bad, but if there's a reason to have no trust - double-bad!

I have to admit to occasionally talking to mates at uni with a "missed me, honey? ;)" and occasional "well, we all know you're a sexy beast" etc - but talk like that is all in public and it's never confined to one person. Stuff like that truly is 'harmless fun'.

Spending loads of money on the phone to one person in particular, keeping it secret from the other half, and indeed talking to that person *more* than the other half - that's a person who really ought not to be in the relationship IMO.
 
we had a tricky patch as christmas, found out there that she told him he should maybe leave me and see if he missed me, which he said was one of the worst things he could have done, so yes i agree someone to talk to, but the flirting didnt help. As i said i wouldnt have minded the someone to talk to it was the flirting and the amount and frequency of calls that annoyed me. I can look back and see a lot of it was to do with her.

He does that and then says that he has also been talking to her about proposing to me... its mucked up...
 
Rich_L said:
I'd suggest speaking to Dace about it, rather than posting on an internet forum.
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lmfao :D

Maybe she can send me some text messages with kisses on the end, then karma dictates everyone is even :D
 
Kronologic said:
I personally disagree with this. You are allowed to make your own friendships and firendships with different people have different limits.

You can have friendships with the other sex who are just as close as your same sex friendships. Whi is it wrong to have opposite sex friends? Why is it wrong to spend time with them developing your friendship. Can you not have strong friendships with the opposite sex and have a partner at the same time? I must have missed that memo.

Its fine to feal guilty about spending less time with your partner if you have made a strong relationship with someone and are not able to include your partner in the relationship. But if you know you are just freinds then whats the problem? Just make a concious effort to spend more quality time with your partner and explain to your friend that you are doing things with your partner than night and want to be uninterupted ;)

I cant agree with people that want their relationships to be so exclusive that they put that relationship before other friendships. That imo is not healthy for anyone.
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I wouldnt have minded the friends it was the flirting and the taking all f'in day that messed me up.
 
Kronologic said:
Whi is it wrong to have opposite sex friends? Why is it wrong to spend time with them developing your friendship. Can you not have strong friendships with the opposite sex and have a partner at the same time? I must have missed that memo.
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No, that's absolutely fine. My closest friends are male, it's always been like that, for I am a tomboy!

BUT he (the OP's other half) admitted to flirting. I'll let you google for the definition of flirting yourself - but IMO making suggestive comments or gestures regularly and consistently to someone who isn't your girlfriend of boyfriend - is well on the way to cheating.
 
I wouldn't consider it cheating in the normal sense, but as with everthing there is a line that shouldn't be crossed and it varies from person to person depending on what kind of personality you have. I have a habit of calling women I know chick or babe but that's just me.
 
I wouldnt necessarily define it as 'cheating', but its something that i know i wouldnt be happy with if it was my partner and its obviously hurting you so its definitely wrong.
 
sara said:
No, that's absolutely fine. My closest friends are male, it's always been like that, for I am a tomboy!

BUT he (the OP's other half) admitted to flirting. I'll let you google for the definition of flirting yourself - but IMO making suggestive comments or gestures regularly and consistently to someone who isn't your girlfriend of boyfriend - is well on the way to cheating.
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Or its just a joke between friends.

Also, why is it people feel they can dictate their other halfs actions. If he wants to spend his money (assuming its his money) and time chatting to some other bird (or flirting with her) then so bloody what.

Next you'll be saying getting aroused by the sight of an undressed lady is cheating or looking at pron and having a **** is cheating.

EDIT: I am not saying he is not in the wrong. He lied that is wrong. But he did not have to disclose the friendship, thats his business.
 
If I was with someone for 6 years I would expect them to know what would hurt me with regards to cheating. Perhaps you should think about why he didn't.
 
It's the flirting which is the problem. Friendships are obviously fine - but suspicious if kept secret.

Having a shuffle with oneself or getting moist/a stalk at an undressed man/woman isn't involving that man/woman. It isn't another relationship.
 
I'd say it was cheating as he knew it would hurt you and he lied about it to begin with. IMO He doesnt have to discuss all his friends with you but if you have been in a relationship for any length of time he would've told you about his closest friends or ones he's spoken to the most as they wouldve been bound to come up in conversation, unless he was feeling guilty about something.
 
ok what would make you feel worse

Hi honey, I made a new friend today, we spent allday chatting and texting. We had a laugh sending provocitive texts back and forth, but nothing will come of it, we're just good friends.

....

2 weeks later (I was going to put 3 months, but I knew this example would not last that long)

Hi babe, still chatting to my new friend, its getting expencive but we have a good laugh. You should have said the things she said, it made me feel a bit uncompfortable at first but then I repled with XXX and that seemed to embarrase her.



Or

Just finding out your partner has a close relationship with someone else and they have a good time. He never mentioned it before because he knew you wouldnt accept it or understand and he did not want to upset you, and cause rows over what he knew to be nothing.
 
I suppose it depends what it means to the trust in your relationship really. Now he knows how much it upset you knowing about it do you think he would ever do it again? And do you think you can live with that.

I have been with my wife for just over 5 years and yeah it is taking more work at the moment. Largely as she is away 6 months this year and it is going to be damn tough (only in week 2 atm!). however six years would be a lot to throw away. if you still want to be with him talk about it. it's possible you just need to sit down and make sure everything is right in your relationship and there isn't anything making him feel like he a) needs to get attention elsewhere b) cant talk to you about it.

but i guess like most/all of the others here I dont know you or him from eve! so no idea if I am even mildly close to the mark.
 
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