What would you do?

[Shayper]

Ok, this is a bit of a rant post.

Quite frankly, I'm fed up with one of my best friends. She split up with a guy recently, and I've helped her through not only that but pretty much every shut thing that's happened to her recently. I'm probably. The only one who has been there for her, been the one she can cry down the phone too, and looked after her when she has been recently upset.

Recently, she has been treating me like absolute ****. Every time we are on a night out she constantly takes the ****, purposefully gets with people in front of me (she knows I like her, and holds it over me). Every time she gets with some ******, then cries to me the next day. And every time that I tell her to stop getting with such ****holes she then has a go at me. Nothing I can say seems to work. And then when she tries to come crying when I'm fed up, and I don't answer my phone because I'm busy with something she has a go at me.

So, GD, what would you do in this situation? I'm thinking about calling her up tomorrow and explaining just how ****ed off I am with her, and telling her that if she is not going to appreciate just how good a friend I am to her, then she can go **** off.

Sorry about the level of vitriol in this post, but I needed to rant somewhere before I rant to her, and need some advice on just what to say.

Thanks guys.

 

[Shayper]

I would firstly tell her to grow up and then to sod off!

That is part of my plan.

Sounds like your a bit of a doormat to me, I'd tell her to do one!

Thanks for doormat, I'll use that tomorrow

Well she probably doesn't appreciate it entirely, but then again you say yourself that you get annoyed by her getting with other men. That's not a good friend, not really, that's you wanting to get in her pants. Those things really are mutually exclusive if the feelings aren't reciprocated.

What you do is man the **** up, slap yourself around the face and have some self respect. It's extremely unlikely she's actually interested in you, instead just likes the cheap attention she can get from stringing you along. If she does actually like you, then she's too messed up to be worth it anyway.

Stick. End. Wrong.

I'm accounted for, but she still finds the need to try and make me feel as awkward as possible. She can be a really good mate, and that's all I want, but recently she has just been treating me like ****. I have no desire to sleep with her, go out with her or anything anymore. I nearly slept with her a couple of years ago, and she has started holding that over me as well, even though she knows I'm sort of in a relationship.

I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear, but as I said you have got the wrong end of the stick dude

 

[Shayper]

Right well in that case... if you don't want to get in this girls pants then I don't see the issue... just stop being her friend because she's a complete cow

Simple

I guess, but I want to try giving her a proper kick up the proverbial na lot of our mutual friends are getting ****ed off as well, and I don't want to make things awkward on a night out if me and her properly stop talking. So I'll try this, and if it doesn't work then **** it. At least I tried .

 

[Shayper]

Women = SWT's.

She sounds like your typical attention whore, I'd speak to her in person if you could. Tell her to stop being a **** or your friendship is over.

SWT? And yeah, that's probably what I'm going to end up saying.

She doesn't sound like a friend, it sounds like you do things for her and she takes advantage of you.

Even if you were interested in her, now would be the time to tell her to do one.

She has done a fair amount for me though, it's just that it's a) nowhere near the level that I've done, and b) nowhere near enough to outweigh the way she has been treating me recently.

 

[Shayper]

Distance yourself from her, find yourself some new mates and focus on the other relationship your sort of in. Girls like that aren't worth your time and you'll be better off with her out of your life. A night out here and there and you'll have forgot about her in a couple of weeks!

The problem is, I have a lot of really good friends who are mutual friends with her. And she would still be going on the nights out that I would be. It's only a problem really when I'm home in Norwich, when I'm in London I have a completely different group of friends.

Tell her your friendship isn't working out so you don't want to hang out with her anymore.

Short and to the point. However, as it's you I can't tell if that was being condescending

 

[Shayper]

Lol @ emotionaltamponfriendzoneness of story.

Again, I'm not interested in any relationship beyond friendship with her. If you have nothing useful or even relevant to add, don't bother .

If you had read that properly you would have noticed that I said that I'm already sort of in a relationship .

The only reason I asked is that sometimes I don't really know the way to approach these things, and then get walked over. And magnolia you are going to be overjoyed but I am going to play the Asbergers card. I have been officially statemented with it, and although it doesn't affect me anywhere near as much as it used to, I still have some issues socially, which makes it hard for me to deal with these sort of issues.

 

[Shayper]

I'm not being condescending

I guessed as much, was just a light bit of banter

Snakes with **** (T word for boobies ).

Yeah, I partially agree with you. There are a fair amount like that but there are also a fair amount which are awesome people, like this girl I'm sort of seeing .

 

[Shayper]

Worst "alternative to changing your facebook status to 'it's complicated' thread" ever.

There was me thinking you had been trying to help...

You both need to grow up, not just her.

Having a word with her isn't going to change a thing, if thats how she treats you then don't expect a simple talking to is going to change that.

I would tell her to stop getting in touch with you, since she isn't treating you as a friend, why would you want to treat her as one?

But I don't expect you to do this since you're clearly a doormat to be walked all over, otherwise you wouldn't have let things get so far.

Excuse me? Have you read both the op and the following comments? Exactly why do I need to grow up? It's only recently that she has been treating me like this, before that she was fine, and I thought that I had made that clear. I would much rather try and give her a kick up the **** than not make an effort and make things really **** for me and my mates on a night out. Sorry for the abruptness of this reply, but there are a few people completely missing the point.

Ah yea that's a bit more difficult. I'd try and back off a bit if possible, no phoning, texting and when with mutual friends enjoy yourself and let her do what she wants without worrying about her. If she comes crying to you either just be blunt with her or have an excuse handy, you've got your own relationship and life to worry about. She'll soon get the hint hopefully. Easier said than done though, definitely a tricky situation!

Thanks for the advice, that's what I was thinking, but wasn't entirely sure about

 

[Shayper]

Look you asked for what we think.

You're allowing someone to treat you like a piece of **** so what would you expect people to say in GD? It doesn't matter if she recently did it or had been doing it for years, you didn't do anything about it!

If somebody was doing that to me on a night out I would put an end to it there and then, and your other pals would side with you if they were aware of what was going on.

When you say you would rather not make things **** for you on a night out, you made them worse by doing nothing. Otherwise you wouldn't be making this thread and instead would have earned yourself some self respect.

I understand where you are coming from, however as I said you should have read my earlier posts. I'm not really that great with social issues like this, due to Asbergers, which as I said have been statemented with, so I was looking for some advice in what to do on the situation, not comments on how badly I have handled the situation. I'm well aware of that.

But in my opinion you are not being a good friend as you put it, you are trying to nail her in so many words and being nice to her is your way of trying to get it.

She's being a **** and typically immature of young girls who know they have someone to fall back on for the emotional stuff.

If it was me I'd either decide that shes not for you (which obviously is the case as shes a grade A retard) and just have her as a friend if you get on well with her or tell her to **** off and find someone who isn't such an emotional vampire that she comes to you for affection while going with other retards.

Sorry if this seems a bit blunt, its late and I'm at work and not in a very "caring" mood to rose tint my post for you

KaHn

/edit :- read Zefan post and your reply which is pretty much the same view as mine, get rid if shes just a tard

As I said, I'm not looking to have sex with her. I just want her to understand how much of a ***** she is being, and if that doesn't work, I will end the friendship. And I can see due from your edit you understand that

 

[Shayper]

Just delete her off of Facebook, bro... just delete her... I know it may be hard (that's what she said)... but just delete her.

I'll see how tomorrow goes, and maybe follow your advice, thanks.

I'm not trying to say how badly you handled it, although I'm aware that I did point that out.

What I'm trying to say is to not bother with her at all, at least, as your thread title says "what would you do?" - is what I would do.

She doesn't deserve your friendship IMO.

Ah, I see where you are coming from now . I guess I am a bit if a doormat, because I am willing to give her one last chance. I have a feeling tomorrow will end badly, but I still want to try.

Seems like you have one of these on your hands............

To be honest with you, you're letting her take the **** out of you! Tell her tactfully to only contact you again when she has reached a higher level of maturity.

I will include this in the conversation, thankyou

WOW, Shaper why dont put on some Marlin Manson n just go for it !

Fantastic, well thought out post. You even spelled my name right.

Besides, I hate rock. Dubstep is where it's at.

Well your first post led me (and others) to believe that you have feelings for her of that nature, regardless if you are "sort of seeing someone", but if you just want a totally platonic relationship and shes still being a tard them just get rid, don't even give her the satisfaction of a confrotation, just phone off, ignore, be happy.

KaHn

Thanks dude didn't realise I had worded my post like that, guess it made sense for me in my head but rereading it it does sort of convey that message

 

[Shayper]

Pah, 'don't want to sleep with her any more..... '

If you've ever felt like that about a girl or nearly slept with her there is always going to be that sexual element there to some degree, even if subconscious.

I have a bit of a Yosarian way of women since reading Catch-22. You can dress it up any way you want but 99% of all female friendships have some sexual undertone or some base level of attraction. And when friends say they wouldn't sleep with each other if they could get away with it, my feeling is that if life let you do a groundhog day and reset everything, they probably would.

Okay, obviously being male I wouldn't mind sleeping with anyone attractive, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.

Good post

Sounds like she wants to take and not offer anything in return (friendship) and you're willing to sacrifice your time and effort for her regardless. It's an honourable way to be for that you should be proud of yourself

However it seems to me as though she doesn't appreciate how much you do for her or the effort you put in to put a "virtual" hand around her when she needs support.

You have to evaluate the friendship... is it worth holding onto something that's causing you pain or aggravation? I know sometimes it's hard to cut ties, or to put distance between yourself and someone you care about.

Ultimately you have to look after #1 - and she's causing you hell, and tormenting you. I'd walk away. She'll come crying back and then you can lay your cards on the table and tell her how you feel, what she's done and what you'd expect from a friendship.

Sometimes walking away hurts, but then the weight lifts from your shoulders and it's the best thing ever.

Love (and by that it doesn't mean "in love" I mean friendship too, or just the loving nature by which you are), can be confusing and painfully melancholic.

Good luck matey, hope you get it sorted.

I know what you mean . A lot of the time I'm called the nice guy, and it's worked for a lot of friendships, relationships and the odd friend with benefits. However I do get some people who take advantage, and I don't realise till it gets to this point. I guess walking away is the best plan.

Tell her to do one, i had a friend kinda similar to that, total nightmare, also you need to grow a pair

I'd rather be a gentleman (whilst still being a bit of a lad, it's a good combination ) and be screwed over once or twice, than be a total **** and not have any friendships or relationships that are real and regret it my whole life. However you are right, I do need to learn to deal with stuff like this, and it's always nice to hear other people's views .

I'm in a much better mood now, the girl I've been seeing just came round and cooked me a fry up totally off the bat. I believe that is a win .

However, I will still be calling Erika and explaining things to her. It needs to happen for my sake and hers.

 

[Shayper]

Sounds like you have bigger problems than this stupid tart.

Oh, that's precisely what she is, a tart. Find some better friends.

Harrr harrr

And that is a problem, a lot of my really good friends are mutual friends with her, as I've said, and if they go out she usually does, even though they are getting annoyed at it too.

 

[Shayper]

I'd sit her down and have a rage at her then. Make sure she understands what you're thinking and tell her you expect her to behave better, or else.

That's the plan

 

[Shayper]

You fancy her. She doesn't fancy you. This is what happens as a result. You get worked up because of it.

Have you read the whole thread or just the op?

 

[Shayper]

Thanks for the replies guys.

I have read every one, and the consensus seems to be that I should just stop being friends, however I have said that this isn't as easily said as it is done, due to the mutual friend problem.

However I can guarantee that I am not in love with her. At one point, yes, but that was a while back. I don't feel that way towards her at all anymore. I find her attractive, yes, but that goes for quite a few girls; I don't necessarily fall in love with every girl I meet. I'm not in denial over this, just annoyed with the way she has been treating me as a friend, which I consider to be out of order.

However, it is likely that after this phone call we won't be on the best terms anyway, as I am prepared this time, thanks to you guys, to tell her exactly how I feel. And it will be a massive wake up call for her, even if she doesnt realise it. She considers me to be among her best mates, and if she loses that it will be a huge shock to her, hopefully enough to realise that she is being quite a large *** at the moment.

If not, then her loss. I won't be the last friend she loses if she keeps on this way.

As I said, thanks a lot guys for the advice

 

[Shayper]

ass burgers

id post a pic of her here. Tell her i loved her.

Yes, we've all seen the south park episode, well done...

 

[Shayper]

Do you think if you stop wearing lipstick she will stop treating you like a bitch?

Do go away, there's a good chap.


For those saying grow a pair or man up, surely trying to be chivalrous is more manly than telling telling her to **** off in the first place?

But I digress... I've just got off the phone with her. She has apologised profusely; being the gentleman I have accepted her apology. However, I have given her a week to buck her ideas up, stop dicking around and be a better person. We are both out Friday with a group of friends, and, as the nastier side of her personality comes out while drunk, I shall be able to tell if what I have said has made any impact. She sounded extremely shocked at the time, and as she is a terrible liar, even over the phone, I could tell that se had taken it as quite a large body blow.

I know a lot of you are going to disagree with what I've done, but if she ever acts like it again, I have promised (and got quite a few of her close friends to go along with this) to break off any contact. This was the best compromise situation to try and lessen the negative effects to me and my friends, not her. This, as I see it, is the most gentlemanly thing to do, and also uses the most common sense. If you do disagree, I would like to hear your opinions why

 

[Shayper]

She's walking all over you.

Did you actually read the entirety of that post?

Your life is not hollyoaks.

Did I say, imply or otherwise intimate that it was? This thread is no different to any other relationship thread, apart from the fact that it's to do with a friend rather than an other half.

Speaking of which, off to see the sort of other half now

 

[Shayper]

Not really, it's bad manners full stop to display such behaviour so provokingly. I don't want to see girl friends get off with guys, not because I want to shag them, but it's not something I want to see!

This. If I want to see girls acting sluttishly, I will quite happily go to a strip club

 

[Shayper]

It was my comment, based on my perception. Your problem and relationship is shallow, sub-neighbours, hollyoaks stuff.

You sound like a bundle of laughs. I posted for advice on a situation, which I have gratefully received, and it doesn't help matters in any way posting pointless and negative comments with no other purpose but to condescend and seemingly troll.