Wife a workaholic/addition problem?

Soldato
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.....a sound off mainly to see if I am being over the top.

My wife works in a mortgage related job, from home, we actually work in the same industry although the actual jobs are somewhat different.

She's been working at her company for over 15 years. It's a right ****** little company, to put it in perspective I was at one stage desperate to get out of a job, circa 2010 I guess, so applied there becuase I knew they would employ me. Once I started at that place I set myself a diary task thing for a year after my start date to say something like "what are you still doing here", well I had moved on before I got that.

Now to my wife, it hasnt always been this bad but certainly in the last few years now I guess. She technically works part time, her hours are 8:30am to 5pm 4 days a week, with a day off on Wednesday. She shas been there heading towards 20 years. She has a reasonably senior job title/position but does not have shares or a directorship in the company, and her pay is mid 30 to late 30's, so certainly not megabucks. The company she works for is varly small, I would guess about 15-20 staff tops. The boss, is, well outside of work actually not a bad guy, however to work for he is really manipulative and a bit of a bully. The staff turnover at this company is also horrendous, it will nearly 100% for the time I was there, and that was under a year but that is typical. They also do not appreciate her, as colleagues on the same level or brought in after have ended up being promoted over her and some given shares or been made a director.

Anyway, on her work days, she starts about half 8, doesn't have a lunch break, and will work to at least 7pm in the evenings, that would be what I would consider an early finish. Most evenings its more like 9pm. Some evenings it goes past 11pm and I have gone to bed. As we both work from home, during those hours she does nothing else, barely gets up to take a ****, or get a drink, doesn't go out for a walk, doesn't take a break.

On her day off on Wednesday, she will spend at least an hour going through emails on her work phone, sometimes logging on for a an hour or so aswell. Less on the weekends but she will be doing emails on her phone. This is also typical when she is supposedly on annual leave.

We have to kids and I also work full time, however due to this I end up doing the majority of the household stuff, cooking dinner, cleaning up etc, that I am not so bothered about, its more in the evening when the kids are home, its almost like she doesn't exist, if I go and do something with the kids take them to the park etc, it'll always be me on my own, I do bathtime, I do the school runs, and pickups, and its starting to affect me, anyway, its starting to feel like being a single parent. My 5 year old comes home and tried to talk to her and she is giving him half attention or get annoyed at him because she's trying to work.

But aside from that, the times we are out with friends or family etc, all she talks about is her job. And this does get mentioned by others aside from me. They have also mentioned about her working hours, just hints etc, when with my family, unprovoked by me I hasten to add, it was mentioned that it isn't reasonable nor normal for an employer to expect that.

I feel bad for her, because you are only on this planet for what is in the scheme of things a blink of an eye, and personally I wouldn't want to spend that time working like that, let alone missing out on other things due to it. I don't know what to do though, if I say anything I get it thrown in my face that I don't support her and that my job is "easy" so I don't know what its like, she is also paranoid about leaving and although I guess has made a little effort about looking for another job I don't think it was ever any actual intention.

More than anything I wish the company she works for would fold, and make her redundant or something (even then they somehow screw her out of it) but after 20 years or scraping by I just don't see it happening.

I dunno.......
 
It’s up to you to sit down and talk with her. If she isn’t appreciated then she needs to work to rule and stop been took advantage of.

Days off, log off. Stay off.
Start time 9, start at 9.
Lunch break 30-60 mins, take it.
Etc Etc.

Yeah its gone way past that I am afriad. When in the past I have tried I just get back "It's easy for you, you can just log off, I can't do that, no one else will do my work, I have responsbilities" etc etc etc

That sounds absolutely insane to me for the compensation she's getting.

I wouldn't be happy with that work-life balance for twice her salary.

Surely with that work ethic she could be doing something much more rewarding, at least if she finds value in the hours she puts in.

She's not using it as some sort of coping mechanism, is she? I know and have known workaholics who do it as a distraction from deeper issues. The fact that she's been doing it for so long and seems to be OK with missing out on time with the kids etc raises some questions. She may well need something like cognitive behavioural therapy to address this.

Well the start of your post again, I have tried saying this, for the resposibilities and hours work, she could be either: Working for a decent or at least "normal" employer, or earning £100k a year, but she doesn't do anything about it, I think part of it is although its awful, she finds some kind of comfort zone or I have heard the term institutionalized.

The second part I honestly think some kind of reality check but I don't know what I kind do, I honestly think if I stick some kind of leaflet on her desk it'll just blow up into another arguement. Shes gotten to the point where she feels if she doesn't do what shes doing, the whole company will fold and she will loose her job and everyone else, I cannot image the pressure but ultimately she is just an employee and other jobs are out there, she just cannot see it.
 
Thanks guys, will have a think but certainly good advice.

What @Zefan said rings home so true, but it seems you can't win either way.

You have a day where you try to make sure she's not disturbed make dinner keep the kids entertained etc, but she just works for the same amount of time, so you think we'll, what was the benefit of that?

Then if you make it difficult eg make a point of asking her to go out for a walk in the evening, put the TV on, let's the kids play in the room, you get it thrown in your face you are not supporting.

Few weeks ago I came down at 9pm to watch TV, I got repeatedly huffed at until that turned into a full on strop and I just walked upstairs on hid back in my pc room.

Also what @HangTime said about going 5 days a week isn't actually a bad shout either, even though it seems like the worst idea, it may actually work out and then at least she would be getting paid more for basically what she's already doing.

But plenty to think about.
 
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