Associate
- Joined
- 12 Jan 2009
- Posts
- 19
- Location
- Stafford, UK
Impossible, it's a black man wearing white headphones!
If anyone was interested, that's SpawN ;D
http://www.sk-gaming.com/member/SpawN/
Impossible, it's a black man wearing white headphones!
Do I need more posts?
Edit: Yep..
From the desk of Sir Quentin Price, Royal Logistics Corps (ret)
Sir
I refer to your recent article in the sports pages of your respected publishment, detailing that something called "e-Sports" is set to reach the Olympics. The memsahib and me had to fire up the Amstrad and ask the world wide internet, as neither of us had heard of 'e-Sports' before, nor is it featured in our copy of Websters 1932 Dictionary of Sports for Boys, 4th edition. First off, we wondered if the spelling was correct, since the first thing we came across was from someone who could not even spell Encyclopedia and was from somewhere in Polynesia called Wiki. Jonny Foreigner exports bad English yet again.
After some research, we are utterley disgusted at what is being suggested is added to the Olympic portfolio. Spotty herberts who have not been exposed to the sun in weeks and never even seen a medicine ball are to be allowed to compete for the accolade of 'best sportsman on the planet' ? What has the killing of simulated soldiers (albeit b1oody terrorists for whom hanging is too good) got to do with the spirit of the Olympics ? Judo, the javelin and boxing are the sort of proper sports which engender harmony and friendship and should be featured, encouraging the sort of good natured, fit and tanned young man this country likes to see marching overseas.
And what about the ladies ? If livens up Mrs Price's day to see all those perfect examples of lads in the 100 yards dash. She spends a lot of time examining the tailoring of their shorts and can tell the identity of any athlete just by looking at the seems and stitching around the groin, even though these new fangled lycra costumes claim to be seemless. Remarkable woman. It will lessen her interest if she has to watch bloated, unfit youngsters sitting at typewriters shouting "frag 'im, Steve".
So, in protest I have cancelled my television license and we will not be switching on our television at the next Oympics if that is the sort of ill-conceived contest which we might be exposed to from now on.
PS Is Counter Strike some violent variant of tiddly winks ?
Yours.
Captain Price (ret)
Computer games are not a sport. They're just not.
Nor is chess.
E-Sports... the dark side.
In memory of Ron. May it always go down smooth.
As preparations for the 2016 Olympic games continue, word reaches our newspaper-death-base that E-Sports are going to be included in the long list of official sports in which prospective Olympians will be partaking.
This is surely a great thing for the countless fans of computer games out there, but does this little known world harbour a dark and dangerous secret?
I am of course referring to e-rage.
E-rage is a highly infectious psychosomatic condition which affects a staggering 80% of gamers.
It is commonly caused by the in-game death of the subject and can present itself in a number of ways. By far the most common symptom is an unrestrained outburst, be it verbal or physical, following the victim's death in-game.
This condition first made major headlines after a professional gamer suffered e-rage during last September's Call of Duty 4 tournament, in which they verbally assaulted members of the opposing team during the match. This rage quickly spread like wildfire throughout the spectators and event coordinators soon had a riot on their hands. Despite some quick thinking from the coordinators, they simply could not prevent the tragic, not to mention brutal, deaths of some 40 spectators, including our very own Ron Burgundy (R.I.P Ronny).
With the large number of professional gamers, not to mention the die-hard fans, expected to attend 2016's Olympic games in Rio De Janeiro, should the organisers be taking this very real threat into account when allocating security forces in the stadium?
We at Pasty Smashers Weekly believe wholeheartedly that they should, lest they face the wrath of thousands of angry gamers and another CoD4 Massacre tragedy.
Titanius "tibbsey" Anglesmith.
Really good entry davethe11. Wish there was a 2nd place prize, ha.
Terrorists terrorise the Olympic games!
A small band of terrorists, calling themselves The Arctic Avengers, have taken 4 members of the International Olympic Committee hostage!
The small group, comprising 5 heavily armed men, has holed up in an office block at the IOC Headquarters here in snowy Lausanne, Switzerland.
There has so far been no communication from the terrorists as to their intentions or their demands.
The hostages, believed to be Belgium IOC representatives, have been split up within the office. Two are being held in a lounge area and the others are being kept in a presentation room.
As we speak an elite task force has been assembled and is awaiting orders to storm the office and rescue the hostages...
This controversial new scenario for Counter Strike: Source is just one of many expected to be unveiled in the run up to the 2016 Olympic games, as E-Sports hit the mainstream with their inclusion into the events.
Other classic maps, rehashed especially for the 2016 games, include OilRig, in which the Counter-Terrorists must prevent a squad of Bush-Administration terrorists from taking over the oil, and a special re-make of cs_747, this time taking place mid-flight.
We look forward to seeing current E-Sports world champions struggle with the pointlessly complex new maps and the new ultra-realistic fatigue system.
Reporting for Pasty Smashers Weekly,
Titanius "tibbsey" Anglesmith
In other news, Pasty Smashers Weekly reporter Titanius Anglesmith has been taken into custody on scaremongering charges. We wish him all the best.