WIN A FULL SET OF STEELSERIES GAMING PERIPHERALS

I think a private submission of entries would be better to stop people taking ideas from earlier entrants.

Might give this a go, haven't written anything lengthy since school and the odd blog/promo for work!
 
My idea is the response on the letter page that e-Sports would receive from middle England . . .


From the desk of Sir Quentin Price, Royal Logistics Corps (ret)

Sir
I refer to your recent article in the sports pages of your respected publishment, detailing that something called "e-Sports" is set to reach the Olympics. The memsahib and me had to fire up the Amstrad and ask the world wide internet, as neither of us had heard of 'e-Sports' before, nor is it featured in our copy of Websters 1932 Dictionary of Sports for Boys, 4th edition. First off, we wondered if the spelling was correct, since the first thing we came across was from someone who could not even spell Encyclopedia and was from somewhere in Polynesia called Wiki. Jonny Foreigner exports bad English yet again.

After some research, we are utterley disgusted at what is being suggested is added to the Olympic portfolio. Spotty herberts who have not been exposed to the sun in weeks and never even seen a medicine ball are to be allowed to compete for the accolade of 'best sportsman on the planet' ? What has the killing of simulated soldiers (albeit b1oody terrorists for whom hanging is too good) got to do with the spirit of the Olympics ? Judo, the javelin and boxing are the sort of proper sports which engender harmony and friendship and should be featured, encouraging the sort of good natured, fit and tanned young man this country likes to see marching overseas.

And what about the ladies ? If livens up Mrs Price's day to see all those perfect examples of lads in the 100 yards dash. She spends a lot of time examining the tailoring of their shorts and can tell the identity of any athlete just by looking at the seems and stitching around the groin, even though these new fangled lycra costumes claim to be seemless. Remarkable woman. It will lessen her interest if she has to watch bloated, unfit youngsters sitting at typewriters shouting "frag 'im, Steve".

So, in protest I have cancelled my television license and we will not be switching on our television at the next Oympics if that is the sort of ill-conceived contest which we might be exposed to from now on.

PS Is Counter Strike some violent variant of tiddly winks ?

Yours.
Captain Price (ret)

Usual disclaimers that any similarity to persons liviing or dead is purely coincindental, and this is of course tongue in cheek. I leave whose tongue in whose cheek to you :D .

cjph
 
"e-Sports" is set to reach the Olympics. The Olympics are the world’s symbolic finals of all finals in sports. And what better a place would it be to have a little bit of e-Sports going on? Yes! Overclockers uk has signed an official deal with the olympic organization commitee, and are very delighted to be at the forefront of world olympic gaming. We tried to contact a member of staff at OverclockersUK to comment on this, but they were all to busy building top of the line extreme systems for the England E-Sports Gaming team. For all the up to date news on this topic please watch this space.

Story: by Brett, Overclockers Times Tech Editor
 
e-Sports set to reach the Olympics


What is e-Sports?
E-Sports is essentially people battling it out in tournaments around the world in various video games where prize money is dished out to placed finishers via sponsors of the tournament. The community saw an up-rising popularity in which we saw the likes of 'Fata1ty', 'SpawN', 'Stermy' becoming celebrities within the gaming world. Fata1ty being the most successful of the bunch, he has become one of the only players to become financially stable via tournaments earnings. After seeing the potential of the market, he decided to invest in his own company now known as 'Fatal1ty.com' with sponsors such as OCZ and Creative. This allowed him to branch out into the peripheral side of PC-Gaming the same way a footballer would branch out with football boots. As-well as providing peripherals he has also helped the sport by almost becoming an ambassador for the way the media looks upon e-athletes. Fatal1ty began the slow change in the medias perspective of what a e-athlete was, changing the usual stereotype of a geek sat down in his basement living with his parents.

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'Fatal1ty sitting with his cheques'



Is it even hard to become an e-athlete?
With the blissfully arrogant view that anyone can just jump on a PC and click a mouse, it becomes hard for the average person with no experience with-in the competitive scene to realize the skill and dedication it does take to become the best in a certain game. There is so many comparisons that can be taken from many of the world's biggest sports for example, Darts (purely an aim based game which uses muscle memory to perform repetitive movements to hit numbers needed to win). The simplicity allows a higher skill bracket due to the practice put in by many of the sports leaders. This example can be compared to e-sports on many levels due to many of the games pro's having to put in many hours of practice to get movement, aim and the ability to adapt to any situation perfect. Chess can be compared to RTS (Real Time Strategy) in many ways, making decisions upon the opponent's tactics, speed is inevitably important as this makes the opponent have to act with swift decisions. With many variables with-in the game this allows for intellectual ability to come into play.


Olympics moves into the future
After seeing the bright future of e-sports from many competitions over the years such as, World Cyber Games, E-sports World Cup, Intel Extreme Masters, Championship Gaming Series and Cyberathlete Professional League. CGS and CPL being the two that produced a fall in the sport because of corruption and wrong decisions. Despite this, there has been a market for e-sports, this is always apparent by the number who play competitively daily. A good example of a sport which has been taken into the limelight a long time ago and invested into is NFL. E-sports has always had media for good and bad, but never been televised properly, despite this there has always been an underground movement which has seen high quality streams with commentating, allowing true e-sport fans to watch there idols. Therefore, setting the benchmark for online streams ahead of other media competition. As the streaming quality becomes better, fans are more obliged to watch, therefore allowing for sponsors to take advantage of the opportunity and advertise there products.


What is the Olympics e-sports tournament setup?
Games Included:
-FPS (First Person Shooter)
-Quake Live (1v1 Duel, 1 per country)
-Counter Strike (Team 5v5, 1 team per country)
-Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 (Team 5v5, 1 team per country)


-RTS (Real Time Strategy)
-Warcraft (5v5 Team, 1 per country)
-Starcraft 2 (1v1, 1 per country)
-Heroes of Newerth (5v5 Team, 1 per country)


-Sport
-FIFA 2012 Olympics Edition


-Racing Simulation
-Trackmania
-Forza Motorsport


This tournament will be televised across the globe.
Each separate tournament will have a points structure to allow for each country to have the chance to be named the best e-sports country in the world.
1st, 2nd and 3rd will be given Gold, Silver and Bronze.


Gaming Sponsors
With many brands such as Steelseries, Razer and Intel already tapping into the gaming market it shows the level of popularity with-in the gaming community to have specific brands to make PC-gaming peripherals such as gaming headsets, allowing to create an even bigger marketplace, expanding the wealth of e-sports. This is apparent also in the components market, making PC-gamers wishing to buy the latest hardware and create themselves the best possible gaming PC to give them an advantage over opponents.
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How to get rid of stereotypical views:
Just like e-sports isn't understood at first but with due time and appreciation, for the hard work these athletes put in for themselves and for the sport, views will change. Along with these views changing, the popularity will increase allowing for an e-athlete to be a true career choice as well as Football and Basketball. I do not expect the average man to understand completely about e-sports, instead he buys Mac's and goes along with the publicized hype, some ignorance will be found. But just as an intelligent consumer will know you can get lots more for your money by building your own PC but you have to live with the fact people will consider you as a geek. In time when the consumers views have caught up e-sports will be considered one of the most testing and hardest sports to conquer. Hopefully, along with this people will realize there should be no age-gap between contestants, it should be a straight reaction based, intellectual sport.


With the Olympics moving the forward into the future, it shows that maybe the gap between generations isn't as far-fetched as people believe.

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E-Sports set to reach the Olympics


Don't know your L337's from your n00b's? Then prepare yourself for the highly competitive world of Electronic Sports. In a press conference from the IOC HQ yesterday it was announced that computer gaming will feature in the 2016 Olympic Games. The announcement was met with derision and hostility amongst the worlds press; when asked about the decision, Dino Veyron, a 30 year veteran of Olympic journalism, simply replied 'fail'. Sporting a t-shirt emblazoned with a tea-bag, IOC president Jackques Rogge had to call for calm during the conference. With typical Belgian panache, Rogge called for a show of hands for those who had ever played Curling; only the Norwegian Curling correspondent raised his hand, and admitted that he had 'only played it once'. In contrast, a show of hands for the gamers was emphatic, Great Britain's Sebastian Coe was heard cheering 'woot' before returning to 'grinding' on his laptop.

Stars of professional gaming attended the conference in support of the decision. Despite a lengthy battle with carbon dioxide poisoning, the prominent professional gamer Tom 'TSquared' Taylor was able to attend. Wearing a 5 foot high Dr Pepper can made especially for the event, Taylor said very little, but was enthusiastic none the less.

Criticism over computer gaming being labelled as 'a sport' were addressed by a myriad of attending experts. Barry Hearn, chairman of the PDC, cited the degree of skill and dexterity required to compete at the highest level. Spatial awareness, team-work, and the role of strategy were also key elements that the IOC appreciated in the world of E-Sports. The IAAF chairman Lamine Diack welcomed the new sport, saying 'I am bored of people running around and throwing things'.

Despite the controversy, the new sport has two significant hurdles to negotiate. First, for an audience to appreciate a sport then they must understand it. Olympic sports until now have relied on simplicity: run a certain length, throw something so far, walk a certain length. Computer games on the other hand are more complicated, and will require a viewer to invest time in understanding its mechanics. Second, an appreciation of a sporting achievement often relies on our own experiences: we know that walking a marathon in under three and a half hours is fast because it would take us much longer. Many of us play computer games, but how many of us play the same computer games? If E-Sports can overcome these hurdles then gaming may enter a new era. Game on.
 
E-Sports... the dark side.

In memory of Ron. May it always go down smooth.


As preparations for the 2016 Olympic games continue, word reaches our newspaper-death-base that E-Sports are going to be included in the long list of official sports in which prospective Olympians will be partaking.

This is surely a great thing for the countless fans of computer games out there, but does this little known world harbour a dark and dangerous secret?


I am of course referring to e-rage.


E-rage is a highly infectious psychosomatic condition which affects a staggering 80% of gamers.

It is commonly caused by the in-game death of the subject and can present itself in a number of ways. By far the most common symptom is an unrestrained outburst, be it verbal or physical, following the victim's death in-game.

This condition first made major headlines after a professional gamer suffered e-rage during last September's Call of Duty 4 tournament, in which they verbally assaulted members of the opposing team during the match. This rage quickly spread like wildfire throughout the spectators and event coordinators soon had a riot on their hands. Despite some quick thinking from the coordinators, they simply could not prevent the tragic, not to mention brutal, deaths of some 40 spectators, including our very own Ron Burgundy (R.I.P Ronny).


With the large number of professional gamers, not to mention the die-hard fans, expected to attend 2016's Olympic games in Rio De Janeiro, should the organisers be taking this very real threat into account when allocating security forces in the stadium?


We at Pasty Smashers Weekly believe wholeheartedly that they should, lest they face the wrath of thousands of angry gamers and another CoD4 Massacre tragedy.



Titanius "tibbsey" Anglesmith.

The above may contain trace elements of artistic license, not to mention substantial amounts of ********. Also standard disclaimers blah blah blah.
 
It did say you could have more than one. Apologies upfront to those easily offended who should look away now.

London. 31 Jan. At a lavish ceremony in the West End, Mayor Boris Johnson announced the final line up of the sports to be included in the 2012 Olympics. The biggest surprise was the last minute announcement of a number of e-Sports for 2012, which were widely believed not have made it on to the indoor sports schedule but have apparently been shoehorned into the timetable. Pong, Pac Man and Space Invaders are amongst the traditional games which will be well known to the public, but a raft of comteporary titles took the assembled press by surprise, in what is now being referred to as the "e-Olympics". Leisure Suit Larry makes a welcome return to competitive gaming in the guise of a new mode - CTS, or "Capture the ****". Greenpeace applauded the addition of a green version of Counter Strike Source called Cantelope Sauce, where teams attempt to plant and protect a melon from a squad of French sous chefs. Likely to be more controversial was the world war two themed "Halo Halo", pitting Master Chief Rene against the Nazis in a Wolfenstein-style cafe.

"It is not just about the gaming, the mind plays a vital part" said one gamer who asked to remain anonymous. "Sitting down for twelve hours a day, seven days a week can take it out of you physically, but it is not enough to reach the Olympics. You must see yourself, almost feel yourself on the reinforced podium, with a towel in your hand wiping away the sweat of the effort of climbing up the other two steps". Commented another "anyone can run, jump or throw things, but not many can out-drive Schumacher when high or make an 800m headshoot while drinking Strongbow".

But issues around the inclusion of e-Sports do not look like going away soon. Initial concerns over the possible cross contamination of drug samples taken from e-Sport and non e-Sport players has been overcome with the setup of a new body, the World Alcohol and Narcotics Committee (W.A.N.C.), to oversee e-Sports testing and ensure all competitors consume the pre-requisite quantities of export strength beer, lager or cider during a match and eliminate anyone found to be sober or without any trace of curry in the bloodstream. What has angered some commentators is what they see as the total disregard of a recently published report from the governing body for e-Sports, the Federation of Athletic Nerds International (F.A.N.I.), stating that the mixing of e and non-e Sports was hazardous. And with the national bans on smoking firmly in place, the mandatory joint which had to be inhaled during previous exhibition games has had to be removed after an earlier project to pipe bongs from outside the building was deemed too risky, though the Olympic committee has kept the option to introduce an open air event which could see the inclusion of opiates and even synthetic drugs, with the name Drugs In Competitions (D.I.C.) already coined.

Commented the Mayor "The decision to include e-Sports in the Olympics was not take lightly. We took a good look at the FANI and were hoping to get the DIC in, but after getting a firm refusal we had to settle for the WANC".

cjph
 
E-Sport controversy

Re-calling the Olympic commitee's announcment yesterday regarding the validty of 'E-sports' in 2012's olympics, our London correspondent Frank Bernard raised an intriguing question. 'Should computer gaming be glorified at the Olympics?'

With child obesity levels increasing and reports of school standards slipping, should we be encouraging children to spend more time on their Xboxes and Playstations?

The benefits of gaming are few and far between, one of those would be keeping children off the streets and inside the house, but at what cost?

The Daily Mayle recent study has found that there is a link between online gaming, Cancer, a hostile youth hoodie culture and mass immigration*.

A new language is being introduced, with the use of numbers in replace of leters and increasingly shortened words. The usage of taboo language is rife within these communities, and mainly consist of racial abuse. Many parents across Britain are rising up against being called 'noobs' and have joined a group called Stop Trying to Frag Us (STFU), they are combating the spread of this language by pressurising game developers to introduce a censoring device to blank out these vulgarities.

There is a large controversy over the recently released game Modern Warfare 2, where the player is encouraged to murder helpless civilians in an airport with a large machine gun. The whole game is based around shooting one another and has been scientificly proven to increase a childs chance of joining the BNP.




*Studies performed at University of Dailymayle, Manchester






Was worth a shot I think.
 
Breaking News!

Terrorists terrorise the Olympic games!

A small band of terrorists, calling themselves The Arctic Avengers, have taken 4 members of the International Olympic Committee hostage!

The small group, comprising 5 heavily armed men, has holed up in an office block at the IOC Headquarters here in snowy Lausanne, Switzerland.
There has so far been no communication from the terrorists as to their intentions or their demands.

The hostages, believed to be Belgium IOC representatives, have been split up within the office. Two are being held in a lounge area and the others are being kept in a presentation room.

As we speak an elite task force has been assembled and is awaiting orders to storm the office and rescue the hostages...



This controversial new scenario for Counter Strike: Source is just one of many expected to be unveiled in the run up to the 2016 Olympic games, as E-Sports hit the mainstream with their inclusion into the events.

Other classic maps, rehashed especially for the 2016 games, include OilRig, in which the Counter-Terrorists must prevent a squad of Bush-Administration terrorists from taking over the oil, and a special re-make of cs_747, this time taking place mid-flight.


We look forward to seeing current E-Sports world champions struggle with the pointlessly complex new maps and the new ultra-realistic fatigue system.


Reporting for Pasty Smashers Weekly,

Titanius "tibbsey" Anglesmith
In other news, Pasty Smashers Weekly reporter Titanius Anglesmith has been taken into custody on scaremongering charges. We wish him all the best.
 
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