"X walked into a bar" joke thread

[Angilion]

These give me a laugh:


An infectious disease walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve infectious diseases here", and the disease replies "Well you're not a very good host"

A room-temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve superconductors here", so the room-temperature superconductor leaves without any resistance.

A neutrino walks into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve neutrinos here". The neutrino replies "I'm just passing through".

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The barman says "We don't serve bacteria here". The bacteria reply "But we work here, we're staph".

 

[Ceryndrion]

X walks into a bar and the bar man says "hey, you look a little cross.."

 

[EdGey]

X walks into a bar and the bar man says "hey, you look a little cross.."

 

[J-FRO]

Vampire walks into vampire bar and asks for a mug of hot water. Barman says "Why do you want that? Everyone else is drinking pints of blood!" to which the Vampire replies pulling a used tampon out of his pocket "I'm making tea."

 

[Cosimo]

X walks into a bar and the bar man says "hey, you look a little cross.."

We have winner.

 

[Flubble]

a man walks into a bar... ouch!

 

[Cosimo]

A group of fonts walk into a bar. "Get out of my pub!", shouts the barman. "We don’t serve your type in here."

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the barman for a beer. “I can’t serve you.” says the barman. “You’re Bard!”

 

[Cosimo]

A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint. "That will be £7.50 please" says the barman. The hippo pays and starts to sip his beer. "You know we don't very many hippos in here" mutters the barman. The hippo replies: "At £7.50 a pint it's no wonder!"

 

[Grimley]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The Landlord turns to them, takes one look, and says, "What is this - some kind of joke?"

 

[[TW]Sponge]

Horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long face?'

 

[Lysander]

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR

OUCH

Had to be done.

 

[ashrobbo]

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

[Deadbeat]

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR

OUCH

Had to be done.

It was, 5 posts ago

A bear walks into a bar and says "can I have ......... a pint please?". The barman says "sure, but why the big pause?"

 

[Nitefly]

X walks into a bar.

"WHYYYYYY?!"

"NO DAMMIT I'M X"

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

A cat walks into a bar.

Schrodinger does not serve him.

Schrodinger does serve him.

 

[Guy]

A woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave it to her.

 

[jas72]

Wrong type of joke and anyway, the incorrect use of the apostrophe offends me.

LMAO!!!!

 

[GravyMonster]

A cat walks into a bar.

Schrodinger does not serve him.

Schrodinger does serve him.

Geeky lols

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

A man walks into a bar.
"Three large whiskies and a pint of mild, please landlord", he says.

The barman duly obliges, lining up the drinks.
The man slams back all three whiskies, then downs the pint in one.

The barman- now a little curious- asks the man if he's OK.
"Sir, if you had what I had, you'd want to get drunk as quickly as poshible. Hic."

"Oh", says the barman with a look of concern. "What have you got?"

"About forty-seven pence. Hic."

Badaboom.

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"