Zoom meeting techniques

Just LOL if you don't start your Zoom meeting with your mic on full blast so that everyone can hear your every miniscule movement as you move your overweight frame around on your pro-tier 'gaming chair' (which is green because why the hell not, also pockets for your cheetos, Gatorade, and anime figures), desperately thinking of some micro-volume of worth you can add to a meeting you don't understand in a role you don't deserve to have in a company that hasn't realised you are quite useless yet, and then when you do have an eurake moment and can contribute you instead to turn your mic off and burble away ineffectively while all the competent adults on the call look at you in growing disbelief, their anger growing ever more visible, at you, you cretin, you imbecile, you utter let down of humanity, and then it's morning tea and you steamroll 7 slices of cold pizza from last night's gaming session in to your sewer-wide maw and ignore your impending sacking.

Noobs.
 
Been caught out a few times with a funny background I had set in previous team or friend drinking calls, when joining more serious calls.

Joining a call and choosing not to engage in what's being discussed is almost pointless. Would you be looking at your phone, watching TV, working on your laptop if you were face to face? If you would then I'd hope someone would pull you up on it. Productive meetings serve a purpose and are still work. Yes lots of meetings aren't productive but where reasonable then give feedback.
 
We’re a small team but we have twice daily teams meetings, before each meeting we generally assign each other a random word to shoehorn into the meeting via ou me WhatsApp group. Don’t quite think upper management have twigged either that or their desperately brushing up on their management buzzwords as they think their being left behind
 
I find that ever since having a tug on camera I'm no longer needed to join these stupid meetings.


I also find that I'm unemployed, but swings and roundabouts I guess.
 
A friend of mine created a conference call bingo website which a few of us use on calls: https://www.call.bingo/

I managed to expense a decent Logitech webcam (C922) at the start of the pandemic, mounted it properly on the wall but then realised most other people use normal laptop webcams and then there is always the one person with a decent camera and they look silly so now I just use the camera in my Macbook. :D
 
Record a 30 second video of you looking attentive at the start of the call and set that as your virtual background, then flip over your privacy shield and it look like your paying attention.

Alternatively put your browser window directly under the camera so it appears your looking at zoom while your browsing ocuk.
 
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