And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up mattress will look like curry to a ********. You gotta shave the upholstery of your victims, and pull the springs out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig ****, now do you? They will go through material like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a mattress that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked mattress every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."
