Sunday Joke

Two Scots, the best man Archie and the groom Jock are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

"Ach, it's all going to be grand", says Jock. "I've everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cards, the reception, the rings, the minister, and you've taken care of ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"Havens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continued Jock.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's braw; you'll look pure deed smart in that!"

"And what's the tartan?" Archie then inquires.

"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white..."
 
barnettgs said:
Here's my first joke thread: :D

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
Click to expand...

Thats no joke...

During my sisters medical training they had a consultant who took them on rounds and at one point did exactly that with a urine sample. I loled hard.
 
Shamelessly stolen off another forum while i was looking for some information....

A 35 year old blonde girl doing a jigsaw says to her partner, "can you help me? It's supposed to be a tiger"

Her husband sighs and says "put the ******* Frosties back in the box".
 
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
 
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