Women. (not a relationship thread)

[knip]

I think she needs to work less and go into education and go party....always helps tbh.

I think she needs to get herself some self esteem (and im not saying this in a mean way) and realise she can be a someone without a bloke on her arm, especially one who treats her like that. I finally grew a backbone and kicked the last cheating ex of mine out 4 years ago now. Best thing I ever did and im a much stronger person because of it.

Its better to be with someone because they are a positive influence on your life instead of because you dont know any different or think you dont deserve any better or because you're in a habit, or because you couldnt bear the thought of them with anyone else.
Psychology lesson over!

 

[D.P.]

Maybe you're too busy with everything else in your busy life to pay them any attention and be happy to just 'be' with them. Maybe that's why they don't want to be with you - fine to have around as a mate but not great relationship potential because you have far too much on your plate to fit anyone in. I'd be well bored if I was left on my own all the time while my boyfriend went off and did all that and managed to fit me in when he had nothing else to do.

Potentially so, but when in a relationship I make commitments and changes. Relationships are about balance. I give up some of my time to spend with her, and i expect the same in return. Indeed, in my last relationship I probably fell into Knip's idea of a doormat- a guy who worships the ground she walks on. But, hey, I can't help loving her. Why should I hide my feelings? Am I supposed to tell her "You're a good ****" or " You mean the world to me" after we make out.... when she really did mean the world to me. I sound busy, but a lot of these things I do because 90% of the time I don't have a gf. In any of my relationships I was happy to make sacrafices. ANywya, for the most part I would want a girl that is willing to try these kinds of activities. Living in Switzerland that isn't too difficult. Sure, few would want to join me on some of my ski adventures but most girls here ski a few days a yera and that would be great in a relationship.

I wouldn't take things into my own hands as I really had no preference for lifes mundane things. "Do we eat italian or greek tonight?" Makes no difference to me 99% of the time so I would tell her to choose. (I would definitely tell her if I did have a preference though!.) I saw that the lack of directionality annoyed her greatly so in the end I would make a random decision to get it over with. And of course, if that decision turns out to be a bad one I would have my knuckles cracked.

Why do girls need to be pushed around and always pointed in the right direction. Why can't they just make their mind up, or accept the fact that many guys just d not have a preference and would rather do what is best for his girl. Whether a guy goes to Paris or Rome for a romantic weekend with his girl makes little difference to most men. If there is something a guy really cares about he will damn well let it be known.

 

[knip]

Because we actually want you to have an opinion sometimes instead of "I'll do whatever you want honey"
Trust me it gets really really annoying.

 

[D.P.]

Maybe if you approached women differently than you would to a potential employer. Just because you do "extreme" stuff, it doesn't mean you aren't boring as sin to talk to (maybe you aren't).

And who said I approach a women in that way.
Yes, i am pobable terrible at chatting up girls but I am not stupid.

 

[semi-pro waster]

I wouldn't take things into my own hands as I really had no preference for lifes mundane things. "Do we eat italian or greek tonight?" Makes no difference to me 99% of the time so I would tell her to choose. (I would definitely tell her if I did have a preference though!.) I saw that the lack of directionality annoyed her greatly so in the end I would make a random decision to get it over with. And of course, if that decision turns out to be a bad one I would have my knuckles cracked.

Interesting point and pretty much true for me as well, if I'm going for a meal with someone then I generally don't care too much about where we go, I'm really there for the company and not the food so if they have a preference I'm entirely happy to go along with it. As long as it is passably tasty then it will do me and if it isn't then at least we have something else to talk about.

knip, certain things seem worth having an opinion on, food isn't one of them for me so that is why I defer to other people on it often. If it mattered to me then I'd be minded to speak up.

 

[D.P.]

Because we actually want you to have an opinion sometimes instead of "I'll do whatever you want honey"
Trust me it gets really really annoying.

But why should the man give an opinion on something he doesn't have an opinion on, just for the sake of it?

And why should it annoy you that on any particualr topic a guy doesn't have a strong opinion?


For the record, I consider myself extremely opinionated, perhaps to the point of argumentative at times (I only argue with guys down at the pub on friendly terms, I gave up arguing with girls a long time ago). But there is the paradox, girls hate being argued with- defending their opinion if a man disagrees, but simultaneously dislikes having to make a decision. If the man makes the wrong decision then he will be balmed heavily for it.

 

[D.P.]

Interesting point and pretty much true for me as well, if I'm going for a meal with someone then I generally don't care too much about where we go, I'm really there for the company and not the food so if they have a preference I'm entirely happy to go along with it. As long as it is passably tasty then it will do me and if it isn't then at least we have something else to talk about.

knip, certain things seem worth having an opinion on, food isn't one of them for me so that is why I defer to other people on it often. If it mattered to me then I'd be minded to speak up.

exactly. And I gave the food example just as an example- the same thing applies to most decision in a relationship. Many things guys just don't care and would rather let anyone with a preference take the choice. When a guy does have an opinion he will let everyone know (unless he is timid as a mouse).

keeping with the food analogy, I will always have suggestions, and will often have done some research quite extensively if it is a early date). But I don't see the need to force a fabricated opinion down a girl neck for the sake of appearing "spontaneous".

 

[daz]

But why should the man give an opinion on something he doesn't have an opinion on, just for the sake of it?

And why should it annoy you that on any particualr topic a guy doesn't have a strong opinion?

Leadership and decisiveness are probably pre-programmed attractive traits to women because of their evolutionary advantages.

 

[D.P.]

By the way ladies, I very much appreciate your input in this thread. And I am sure some other guy like this insight in to feminine logic.

 

[PardonTheWait]

By the way ladies, I very much appreciate your input in this thread. And I am sure some other guy like this insight in to feminine logic.

There's no such thing as feminine logic, they operate on Chaos Theory.

A comment you made four years ago that didn't mean anything anyway can cause an earthquake in Malaysia

 

[CryptKeeper]

But why should the man give an opinion on something he doesn't have an opinion on, just for the sake of it?

And why should it annoy you that on any particualr topic a guy doesn't have a strong opinion?


For the record, I consider myself extremely opinionated, perhaps to the point of argumentative at times. But there is the paradox, girls hate being argued with- defending their opinion if a man disagrees, but simultaneously dislikes having to make a decision. If the man makes the wrong decision then he will be balmed heavily for it.

This is actually not true. If a woman gives you a choice (say Italian or Chinese food) then there are 3 scenarios.

You can pick
A)Italian
B)Chinese
C)Dunno honey, up to you.

Firstly, Option C is the worst option to pick. She is not asking you for no reason, she actually wants you to choose. Simple things like making the choice will demonstrate masculinity. If you honestly don't care, just pick one. If you like them both but can't decide say so, but don't do this too frequently.

The next part may shock you.

Whether or not she prefers Italian or Chinese is irrelevant. Pick one, and she will either agree with you or disagree. Important thing to note here is that whether she agrees or disagrees with you bears no relation to her actual preference. This is a test. Women do this all the time. If you say you prefer Italian, stick with this no matter how much she whines. She will argue about it as a test of your authority/masculinity. This is not usually a conscious move on her part, so don't think all women are messed up in the head . But yeah, do not ever back down from a choice like this.

This sounds silly now you know the trick, but why would a woman ask you to make a decision then disagree with it? If she really wanted the choice she wouldn't have asked you.

Now go kick yourself over the amount of times you have fallen for this, lets be honest we've all done it

 

[D.P.]

Leadership and decisiveness are probably pre-programmed attractive traits to women because of their evolutionary advantages.

But you don't need leadership to safely take a lady on a romantic night out. Hopefully. Leadership comes from safely guiding her through marouding bands of Roman football fans when Italy won the world cup, of taking care of the knife weilding druggies in down town lisbon. A man should be strong and defensive and should be able to protect his girl and have the balls to stand up to non sense. It shouldn't matter a single iota if he has an opinion on food.


Yes, over the years I have learnt just to BS an opinion and take a girl to whatever place I pull out my arse (from a selection of pre-approved establishments).

I used to really care about these things and would spend a long time researching, asking friends for advice, planning. I would make back up plans for dates, e.g. if the weather is bad we can do this etc. But it became to clinical and pre-determined.

It seems to me sponteneity means having no idea or opinion but chaotically selecting a random course of action in the pretence that give you give a **** (and that you are somehow some kind of 'alpha' male) and hoping you'll survive the outcome.

 

[Roberta]

By the way ladies, I very much appreciate your input in this thread. And I am sure some other guy like this insight in to feminine logic.

I can only speak for myself I'm afraid. Just because I hold a point of view doesn't mean that every, or even most, other women will also hold this viewpoint.

I've only ever been in a relationship with one person who treated me badly. He didn't treat me badly at all from the start and was lovely to me. Gradually he began to treat me worse (don't really want to go into details so lets leave it like that) and I kept giving him more and more chances because I'd seen this lovely side to him and wanted that man. Eventually I realised that that man had never existed and was just an act and the man I was now with was the real one and so I left him.

I am now with a lovely man who is a true nice guy. Our relationship is laid back and comfortable and that's exactly what I want. I hate drama!

 

[IceShock]

Why do they always go for the bad guy(s)?

Went out last night with my mates but bumped into a girl i knew standing herself who then decided to cling onto me and burst out crying....im like eh i want a drink!

So he sleeps about,they split up,they get back together,same again,they split up for good...then he's taking her out(last night) and proceeds to F off and kiss another girl!

She's such a nice girl and does everything for him but gets it all thrown back in her face and she always gets back with him. She isnt very confident because of him and doesnt think she can find anybody else when she could find a decent guy within 10 minutes.

I have saw this a few times with different girls and it always gets to me,i have never treated any girl like that and dont intend to!

Dunno what the hell i'm saying now but it just really got on my nerves last night!

i know how it feels, some girls i know are the same, alltho last week she saw sence and after half a year she dumped the twit.

it was heart breaking cause shes my best friend and she was blind in love and couldnt face up to what a idiot he was.

 

[daz]

It seems to me sponteneity means having no idea or opinion but chaotically selecting a random course of action in the pretence that give you give a **** (and that you are somehow some kind of 'alpha' male) and hoping you'll survive the outcome.

Spontaneity is fun though... planning everything is just boring

Ever have any friends that you go out with an when you go out with them you don't know what's going to happen but you know it's going to be fun?

 

[D.P.]

Spontaneity is fun though... planning everything is just boring

Ever have any friends that you go out with an when you go out with them you don't know what's going to happen but you know it's going to be fun?

yes, in that sense it is fun. When ever I used to plan things I would never tell the girl (becuase that would ruin the surprise date).

It should be noted that surpise does not equal spontaneity.
spontaneity is fun when it works out, and is a nightmare when it doesn't. A good surpise is always a good surprise. And I love surpring girls with romantic gestures or whatever. But a good surprise either needs luck or planning. I'm an unlucky guy.

 

[Angilion]

One thing i wonder is why do they need to learn it for themselves ? Is it not clear and logical to them that what they are doing have been done by others many times and real life is not like the movies ? Surely everyone has friends or know someone has happened to them yet they need to see for themselves, but not once, twice, but multiple times until the clock hits mid-twenties (if they are lucky) before they realise that bad boys will always be bad boys.

That's humanity for you. Hardly anyone learns anything much from other people's experiences until they have enough of their own. Take me, for example. When I was 5, I thought my parents knew everything. When I was 15, I thought they knew hardly anything relevant to me. When I was 25, I thought they knew rather a lot. They hadn't changed much, but I had. I'm sure there are some parents here who have seen their children repeat the same mistakes they did at the same age, despite advice. People tend to make the same mistakes generation after generation, regardless of the experiences of people they know and especially regardless of the experiences of people from previous generations.

As Mark Twain put it

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

 

[daz]

I'm not sure where you live DP, but being spontaneous in a city like London is a lot easier than I imagine it is elsewhere.

 

[titchard]

thats the way they work

they SAY they want a caring and sensitive guy. When one comes their way he's seen as "just a friend". Then a complete and utter prat comes along (who looks nice) and she goes out with him. THEN she complains to the nice guy that the prat is a bad guy.

all women are the same

and they have the nerve to say we're all the same...THATS CAUSE YOU KEEP GOING OUT WITH PRATS FFS!!!

Not too true - I told that to a friend and she told me it was simple not the case and that he was a nice guy and that I must have it wrong.

turned out he was a bit of a git - and I had my "I told you so" moment.

Rich

 

[malolo]

knip, certain things seem worth having an opinion on, food isn't one of them for me so that is why I defer to other people on it often. If it mattered to me then I'd be minded to speak up.

But why should the man give an opinion on something he doesn't have an opinion on, just for the sake of it?

Why should it then be up to the female who probably feels exactly the same way about it? If the question is being asked in the first place then the chances are that she doesn't care which one you go for either, otherwise it would probably be asked in a "do you want to have chinese tonight?" way.