Wheres the friday jokes!

A bit below the belt.. apologies if it is deemed too crass.

Man goes to doctors: "Doctor, Doctor - my testicles are really sore!"
Doctor replies: "Ah, I see. I'm afraid you are going to have to give up masturbating."
Man: "WHAT?! That's a bit harsh, ennit? Why?"
Doctor: "Because I can't examine you whilst you are."

:D
 
Dj_Jestar said:
A bit below the belt.. apologies if it is deemed too crass.

Man goes to doctors: "Doctor, Doctor - my testicles are really sore!"
Doctor replies: "Ah, I see. I'm afraid you are going to have to give up masturbating."
Man: "WHAT?! That's a bit harsh, ennit? Why?"
Doctor: "Because I can't examine you whilst you are."

:D
Click to expand...

Best of the thread. :D
 
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Ashley the teacher's
pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mam said it was
contagious." "Well done, Ashley, " says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Amanda, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My gran says there's a
bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Amanda, " says the
teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Jawdie jumps up and says in a broad accent,
"Y our next doa neighbour is painting is Ouse with a 2 inch brush, and my da
says it'll tak the contagious."
 
bad_ass_neil said:
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Ashley the teacher's
pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mam said it was
contagious." "Well done, Ashley, " says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Amanda, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My gran says there's a
bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Amanda, " says the
teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Jawdie jumps up and says in a broad accent,
"Y our next doa neighbour is painting is Ouse with a 2 inch brush, and my da
says it'll tak the contagious."
Click to expand...

LMAO
 
bad_ass_neil said:
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Ashley the teacher's
pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mam said it was
contagious." "Well done, Ashley, " says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Amanda, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My gran says there's a
bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Amanda, " says the
teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Jawdie jumps up and says in a broad accent,
"Y our next doa neighbour is painting is Ouse with a 2 inch brush, and my da
says it'll tak the contagious."
Click to expand...

God, I remember reading that on the internet about ten years ago!

Still, the old ones are the... most repeated ones.
 
Lysander said:
God, I remember reading that on the internet about ten years ago!

Still, the old ones are the... most repeated ones.
Click to expand...

I'm sure you're expecting us all to think "OMG WOW you're so great having heard it before others. You must be so cool!!" but I for one grow tired of people mentioning they've heard or read stuff before and posting it as if they've won w prize for coolness. You're not clever or better for having seen it before so why bother posting?!
 
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."
 
bad_ass_neil said:
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious". Ashley the teacher's
pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mam said it was
contagious." "Well done, Ashley, " says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Amanda, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My gran says there's a
bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Amanda, " says the
teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Jawdie jumps up and says in a broad accent,
"Y our next doa neighbour is painting is Ouse with a 2 inch brush, and my da
says it'll tak the contagious."
Click to expand...

I don't get it... :confused: :o
 
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