Where did you meet your girlfriend/boyfriend?
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Soldato
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This whole "be confident and approach randoms" only extends to a point though.
There is a girl I see occasionally on the train, she is so hot I almost want to cry myself to sleep. To approach her - with confidence - I'd need to be very, very, very drunk/have a gun to my head.
There is a girl I see occasionally on the train, she is so hot I almost want to cry myself to sleep. To approach her - with confidence - I'd need to be very, very, very drunk/have a gun to my head.
Soldato
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This thread Depresses me 
Soldato
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Started out on Dreamarena nine years ago and have now been together for four and a half years
Dreamarena as in the Dreamcast's online service?
Ahh so something gives you confidence? Thanks for agreeing with me.
It doesnt work just telling someone who has zero confidence in approaching women "hey m8 just pretend you're confident even though you got nothing to base it on" Unless you build them up first in some way then its an uphill struggle. In fact just telling a m8 to "go for it and be confident" is the worst kind of banal trite and patronising advice imho. Just soundbites.....with no actual substance or real help to the person.
Would you tell someone they were great at football to give them confidence (ie to play better) and expect them to suddenly become brilliant at it? No all it'll do is make them look stupid, when they miskick the ball next time. And the consequenting blow to their confidence and ego will be devastating.
Basing something on "nothing" (faking it, illusion etc) will backfire bigtime unless that person manages to find something which to base X on. (x= anything really)
been there, done that..........
been there done that..... see my other response to another person but sorry the kind of trite advice you give here is just wrong...... and can actually do more harm than good.
overcoming a lack of confidence and self-awareness is hard.. even when you bite the bullet and go for it.. you get lost for words and start talking gibberish. I find that i am much better on the phone or online than face to face. Breaking the ice is the hard part.
Its the fear of rejection that gets me and thinking that you are not good enough for what ever reason.
Back to topic my answer is nowhere as i am single currently.
Its the fear of rejection that gets me and thinking that you are not good enough for what ever reason.
Back to topic my answer is nowhere as i am single currently.
Well I'm just about as far from confident about my looks as you can get, which has always been my stumbling block when approaching women. But when Sarah saw me at a regatta with my all in one rolled down having just come off the water after a race (so pretty pumped up), she apparently wanted me there and then. Two weeks later we were seeing each otherIsn't the whole point that you don't care about things back-firing if you're confident enough, because each knock-back is another opportunity
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I actually think Zefan is right, the more you do something the easier it gets and the more you realise that it doesn't matter if you get turned down. I've seen it happen a lot and it helps people to just go for it. It's true that if you act an emotion you begin to feel it, just like if you put on a smile you actually feel better, I've read about the science behind it too.
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I think it depends on the circumstances and your personality. If you're an upbeat sort of person that's not afraid of coming forward and you are able to converse with anyone, you'll meet people anywhere.
That said, I met my wife in a nightclub when she was just 18
That said, I met my wife in a nightclub when she was just 18
Soldato
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met mine at ice hockey. Her twin sons and my son trained on the same night. My lad was 6 at the time and shouted out "Dad, when a woman kisses another woman.....it means she's a lesbien!" OMFG i nearly died right there and then of embarassment 
. All the other parents nearby laughed, including the one that became the mrs. He then exclaimed the same thing about men, but with a real disgusted look on his face.....at 6 years old!
Michelle (the mrs) got talking to me, and she gave me her number. We've been together for 3.5 years now and we get the keys to our first jointly purchased house on Jan 10th 2008
My lad is now almost 10 and still has the uncanny knack of embarassing the hell out of me at any given time.
. All the other parents nearby laughed, including the one that became the mrs. He then exclaimed the same thing about men, but with a real disgusted look on his face.....at 6 years old!Michelle (the mrs) got talking to me, and she gave me her number. We've been together for 3.5 years now and we get the keys to our first jointly purchased house on Jan 10th 2008
My lad is now almost 10 and still has the uncanny knack of embarassing the hell out of me at any given time.
Cunning
.We met through a friend, she was seeing him for a couple of weeks, got bored with him, then we got together. We broke up after 6 weeks (other reasons) but stayed friends for 2.5 years. We both had other relationships, I even moved for someone, lived with her for 10 months.
All our conversations were always loaded with innuendo, which at the time, meant nothing, just messing around. We've been together since September, and get on brilliantly, it just works
All our conversations were always loaded with innuendo, which at the time, meant nothing, just messing around. We've been together since September, and get on brilliantly, it just works
I agree the more you do it the less you will care about the outcome because youve done it so many times (you get used to humiliation in a way) and because you dont really care then yes its easier : THAT becomes the "something" though.
Would you want a guy to ask you out if he didnt care what your answer would be?
Are you talking from your own experience? Or from someone elses?
And no offence but saying something like "put on a smile you'll feel better" is like putting on a band-aid over a gushing head wound....
Its never purely nothing and that is what Zefan is talking about. Its possible to fake it initially but i'm saying you have to then base it on something. Its like attempting the high trapeze without a safety net every single time. But then if you get used to the broken bones/bruises of falling etc then you care less about being humiliated or what will happen why? because it means less because youve done it lots of times. So when you get to girl number 865 she might think oh hes confident but no he just just doesnt give a ****.
However if you base confidence on something then that is a positive thing. Get someone to feel good about themselves, something substantial then they can build on that and they can see it themselves.
I doubt if you were to go to a therapist and ask for advice on approaching women or general social interactions they would say:
"just pretend to be confident and you will be confident" They might suggest it as a sort of trite remark initially to help someone but it would never be the foundation of their work to support someone to become more social if that person is extremely shy, introverted etc. Utter madness to do so.
Do you tell someone who is depressed - "smile and you will feel better" even if you dont feel like smiling. Does it magically make them not depressed. No it doesnt. Like i said its a band-aid over an issue which doesnt actually address the heart of the issue, only papers over it.
Helping people become more active socially or indeed about any problem is not about shallow one-liners. I WISH life was that easy lol
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