Your joke killed the other one now please don't kill this one
It's funny
How dare thee!Monday morning joke thread.
- Thread starter alexakasloth
- Start date
It's funny
How dare thee!
i've never heard that one before. it's good
You need to work for the US terrorism division.
Soldato
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Nice one
Soldato
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Only 1 joke thread a day boys.
Associate
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A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.
She looked pretty darn HOT for 58. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.
He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes,
says, "Tonight's your lucky night."
So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:
"Mom! You still awake?"
She looked pretty darn HOT for 58. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.
He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes,
says, "Tonight's your lucky night."
So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:
"Mom! You still awake?"
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Associate
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- Worcestershire
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a very strict hell, fire and damnation church.
The preacher told them, "We have special requirements for new church members. To show you really mean business with this church, you must abstain from sex for one whole month".
The couple agreed but after two and a half weeks returned to the Church.
When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband is obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult....However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.
The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
However, the third week was unbearable.
We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible....anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.
One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of peas and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church", stated the pastor.
"We know," said the young man, hanging his head........
"We're not welcome at Tesco's anymore, either."
****************************************************************************************************
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth £50,000 . please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
The preacher told them, "We have special requirements for new church members. To show you really mean business with this church, you must abstain from sex for one whole month".
The couple agreed but after two and a half weeks returned to the Church.
When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband is obviously very depressed.
"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.
"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult....However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.
The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.
However, the third week was unbearable.
We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible....anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.
One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of peas and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.
"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church", stated the pastor.
"We know," said the young man, hanging his head........
"We're not welcome at Tesco's anymore, either."
****************************************************************************************************
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth £50,000 . please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
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