If your longterm partner cheated would you want to know?

JodieG said:
Oh, sorry about that :( Are you still together if you don't mind me asking?
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No, it's happened in a few past relationships, and I've always forgiven, cos I'm soft! But I've never felt the same about them again, and always been less confident and more worried. I suppose most of the times it has led to the relationship ending.
 
JodieG said:
What about drunk sex? Any worse and if not why not? If you can drunk snog and blame it on that then why not sex too? Drunkenness is no excuse for cheating.
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drunk snogs can happen at any time in a public place.

I suppse sex can too but going out of a pub/club home taxi and all that would/should sober you up it's a much more concious decision.

I don't believe in those sayings "one thing led to another" or "before we knew it..." even in my worst state I've always known what was happening or going to happen.
 
I still view it as a very low crime.

Stealing money or hiding debt would come much higher on my list.
 
I couldnt bear with it, they would be gone, not a second chance in sight, they do that then they must have no respect for you at all.

As for would i like to know, in my heart of hearts id say yes, i wouldnt want to be with someone who dosnt want to be with me fully.
 
RDM said:
As above. Our relationship is based on trust, if you break that trust then the relationship is broken.
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sometimes relationships are broken and partners feel they have nothing to lose or are just plain unhappy and cheat, and the other partner wants to try and mend things, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesnt, iv experienced both this(myself being the big bad cheat ofcourse, because im a man, and that makes me a heartless bast)

Relationship that got back on track : ok well it was fairly rocky at the time cos id started feeling enclosed and it ended up happening when drunk, because it was my first real relationship and id started wondering about sleeping with other girls cos of the sex life going downhill due to other issues. Sleeping with the other girl(tbh she practically raped me, i never even knew id done it till id looked on my phone the next day) made me realise that what i had did mean something so i tried a bit harder, and so did she - we worked it out and were happy for another 6months, i denied cheating when it once came up just to protect her, i think deep down she knew something had happened but didnt want the heartache and didnt want the good times to end.

Relationship went downhill : well basically this one was a bit loopy, she hated the thought of me having any power over her, which was inevitable because it was plain obvious how much we liked each other, so she started rebeling against me and pushing me away(this is after a year of being together too???) so we ended up at war with each other often, and i often found myself pulling other girls when i was out and sleeping with other girls(cos i wasnt get anywhere near what i should have been getting out a relationship, much like the first one, but a bit worse) I soon broke up with her, only for her to twist me back into a 'break' so she had a chance, one of her mates saw me with another girl on this 'break' and i denied that jus cos i didnt wanna hurt her, still went **** up but hey, i tried :)

Sometimes theres a reason, sometimes it can be forgivable, sometimes it needs to be admitted, sometimes it should be swept under a rug.
Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Oh forgot to add, if someone cheated on me id get shot straight away, because ill bend over backwards for a partner, so if they want something im not giving its something that cant be fixed, theyll never be happy. If they just do it for no reason then ofcourse ill get rid of, cos they wont be the nice FAITHFUL person i thought i had fallen for!
 
Admiral Huddy said:
Forgiving is the easy part, forgetting isn't. Speaking from personal experience. Sometimes, ignorance in bliss.
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i agree there but although when my x cheated on me it took me a very long time to sort myself out im married and very happy now so it works out int he end either way
 
I allways told myself if I were ever to be cheated on when in a long term relationship, I would walk.....................

It just becomes sooo much more difficult to make that decision when there are children involved as that decision has such an impact on their ENTIRE life. All because my life didnt work out as planned because the Mrs couldnt keep her legs shut is hardly their fault.
 
If she did something once and totally regretted it I wouldn't want to know.

If she was a serial cheater I'd want to know so I could get rid.
 
JodieG said:
See my husband (CliffyG) views a kiss the same as sex, I do too but for different reasons.
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my friend views kissing as worse than sex. He is some quasi long distance relationship and has had sex with other girls buit refuses to kiss them as he thanks kissing has intent and love, while one night stands are just physical.

I think he is pretty wrong but its interesting that he views kissing as something stronger than sex.
 
My wife cheated on me a few years back. I actually caught her with him. We broke up.

As said it did forgive her and we got back together ( and are still together now ) but i have to say its very very hard to forget as its always there in the back of your mind.

She was very young at the time, so hopefully shes learnt her lessson, and if it happens again tho, she out of the door so quick her feet wouldnt touch the ground
 
JodieG said:
but as I would forgive it anyway it might be better to not know at all.
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I'm sure if your man read this he would be delighted to know that he essentially has free reign to bonk who he likes, you'll forgive it anyway.:p

Any yeah... of course i'd want to know. It's something that massively affects any relationship, no point pretending it didn't happen, that's just silly and doesn't achieve anything good.
 
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I would do anything for love... ...but I won't do that.


Anyways, I would want to know. What goes around comes around. If they cheat, let's hope they live with the guilt and constant fear of being cheated on, or unable to build a future stable relationship.

If you really feel like cheating, before you do, have a hand shandy thinking about the person in question. It will feel really good during, but keep thinking of the awkwardness after. Sometimes I haven't spoken to my imagination for days after... :o
 
My last relationship ended a complete mess. But when I look back on it, it almost "evened out".

This time last year, I cheated on my girlfriend with an ex of mine - I slept with her. I'm not proud of it, but it happened so there's no point trying to play it down. My girlfriend found out - and forgave me. But..we had to work at things. I severed all contact with that other person, and changed myself for her - tried to make everything ok with us. I'm not sure why I did it to be honest, I guess I was weak and wasn't feeling the best about the relationship, so I turned to someone else.

Unfortunately things started falling part again around June last year - we weren't talking much, didn't spend much time together, despite living together. I moved out around the middle of July, and got my own place with a friend. We decided to have some space - we were both young and living together was putting strain on both of us.

Then, as some might say, what goes around, comes around. She cheated on me with one of her friends. No doubt about it, I probably deserved it. I asked her over and over again if something had happened, and was told no - I eventually found out through someone else. It absolutely destroyed me.

In answer to the question - would I want to know? Yes, I would, however I'd want to know from the person themselves. I'd rather be told the truth and hurt than lied to and kept happy - because it'll always come back to bite you.

Something else to ask - would you rather be told the truth and hurt, or be kept in blissful ignorance?
 
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