Evening joke

(A well known one while we're at it, I like it though.)

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
 
A guy in a bar buys a pint then takes out a photo from his top pocket, looks at it, and puts it back.

He does this every time he has a pint.

After the eighth pint the barman asks, "Why do you keep looking at that photo?"

"It's a picture of the wife," the guy replies, "When she looks good enough to ****, I'll go home."

Haha :D
 
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A guy in a bar buys a pint then takes out a photo from his top pocket, looks at it, and puts it back.

He does this every time he has a pint.

After the eighth pint the barman asks, "Why do you keep looking at that photo?"

"It's a picture of the wife," the guy replies, "When she looks good enough to ****, I'll go home."


:D
 
(A well known one while we're at it, I like it though.)

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"


ROFL!! sorry for second post but i just read that after!
 
A black dude was taking a walk when he stumbles across a genie lamp. He picks it up and starts to rub it and puff!
A genie pops out and says, "Look i'm really busy at the moment and you have 1 wish". "Only 1!...hmm ok, i would like to be white and surrounded by pussy." Says the black dude.
"Your wish is my command" says the genie and in an instant the dude turns into a tampon.

Moral of the story: there's allways a string attached.


Mothers have mothers day, fathers have fathers day and couples have valentines day.
What do single people have?
Palm sunday!
 
I took the wife out tonight....

Only took one punch

Ok ok

Q. What do you call a ginger emo?
A. Duracell

Q. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A. Not much, you have already told her twice
 
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