A relationship thread we've probably never seen before...

NeoReloaded said:
Dude it is your life, just do it! When i see threads like this it makes me want to stay single forever :s No way will i ever let some one else dictate what i do!
Click to expand...

I presume you're about 12 from your post. Relationships aren't about someone dictating to the other, they are about understanding, empathy and compassion for the other. The OP (and, clearly, yourself) have no idea of this, and probably shouldn't be in a relationship if you can't take your partners feelings into account.
 
I broke up with an exfiance because I wanted something she didn't - kids.

If base jumping means that much to you then leave your g/f now. Otherwise its not that big a deal at the end of the day.
 
_PD_ said:
Ah, balls.
Click to expand...

Comparing your first post to this one you can probably forgive me from thinking that your change of heart will last maybe a day, a weeks tops. You seem to be addicted to the risk. Why not combine this risk of losing your girlfriend with your base jump for an added adrenaline rush?
 
Bubo said:
Comparing your first post to this one you can probably forgive me from thinking that your change of heart will last maybe a day, a weeks tops. You seem to be addicted to the risk. Why not combine this risk of losing your girlfriend with your base jump for an added adrenaline rush?
Click to expand...

Maybe he should do it without a parachute for even more FUN! It would also end this thread which would be a double win.
 
You have to decide which is the love of your life, her or skydiving.

Could you face life without her ? In short you have to consider her feelings, how could you say you want to spend the rest of your life with her & then seek every opportunity to go off spending huge amounts of money on your sport whilst leaving her sitting at home waiting for a phonecall .

and there's no way I'm stopping now.
Click to expand...

says it all really, no way should you start a family with anyone as you clearly have other priorities which would always come first.

Would you let your girlfriend read this thread??
 
_PD_ said:
I would not BASE jump with kids in the equation, I'll tell you that now. Skydive yes, BASE no.
Click to expand...

Statements like this always puzzle me. By saying the above you are admitting to yourself that there is a risk of you maiming yourself, but you think the fallout is somehow less if you don't have kids. I.e. its not so bad if its only your girlfriend grieving at your funeral. As I said above I get the feeling you are pretty much addicted to the rush, so, assuming you've taken sky diving as far as you can whilst keeping your girlfriend happy, why not take up another thrill sport and start from scratch and get fresh adrenaline from doing something different? Or are you really that determined to do a sport with such a tight tolerance between life and death? Or should I say a significantly tighter tolerance than bog standard skydiving.
 
jamief said:
I presume you're about 12 from your post. Relationships aren't about someone dictating to the other, they are about understanding, empathy and compassion for the other. The OP (and, clearly, yourself) have no idea of this, and probably shouldn't be in a relationship if you can't take your partners feelings into account.
Click to expand...


Uhhh dunno what you're smoking dude

but this is what his woman said

she almost took it as a joke and when I mentioned it again, just told me "No, you're not".
Click to expand...

Since when does the other person in the relationship dictate to you how you live your life? She should realise that thats the kind of person he is and that is what he does - if she cant accept his hobbies and who he is then maybe she aint right for him.

To the OP: Do the basejump. Do you tell her what to do? what to eat? what not to do? etc. I'm betting you dont because you love her just the way she is.

Shame that prolly 99% of womankind cant say the same - they always gotta try to change their man. :D
 
Sounds to me like you've spent a lot of time doing the things you want to do, living how you want to live. There's nothing wrong with that. I only wish that i could have done half the things i've wanted in my life. Trouble is it's becoming more complicated for you now. You've got someone to share your life with and it's obvious how much you care for this person. In a way, it's a bit like growing up. You get to a point where you say "ok, i'm not just me anymore, i'm Us. It's not just "I", its "We"". You're obviously at this point because you're feeling the guilt of wanting to remain "I" just a little while longer.

Personally, from an outside perspective, i would say don't do the base jump. What's the rush? why do you need to do it now? You've got your whole life to go base jumping. You've already said it's an aim of yours so it's not like you'll get to a point where you wont want to do it anymore, is it? Fact is, there's something important to you that needs some attention.

Why dont you concentrate on her for a while? I'm not implying that you dont, please remember that i dont know you at all. What are her aims and goals? travelling? holidays? kids? Perhaps you'll find you have more freedom by embracing her tighter, rather than dragging her along behind you.

On top of that, though there's something else youc an try.

I'm the the same secnario (kind of) with my girlfriend. It's always been a dream of mine to get a motorbike licence and do a bike tour of the USA with my father. It's not even really my dream, it's his. my dream is to fulfill his dreams. She doesn't want me to get a bike because of the danger involved. I can appreciate that, as you can with your partner and the skydiving. We had the discussion one night. She completely opened up about what she's scared of, why she doesn't want me to do it. (i know this is tiny compared to sky diving, but stick with me). I explained to her how important it is for me, but that i wouldn't be doing it straight away. Since then i've tried to introduce her to motorcycles slowly. We went to the bike show together, she's been on my dad's harley now, and she loved it. She still has reservations but i'm thinking about doing some offroad riding for a while and take her with me so she can build her confidence in me. Have you tried this with your partner? I dont mean kick her out of a plane, but has she ever watched you dive? has she ever been on the ground when you land or up in the plane watching you go?

I'm sorry if any of this has already been covered, i read yoru first post and have had to close the window cause i'm at work. Typing this in notepad :P
 
_PD_ said:
I'm going to lose out either way.
Click to expand...

In your early 20's it can be difficult to work out which things matter most. The future seems very big from back there!

Once you hit 40 though you look back and realise just how important some of the decisions you made 'back then' (it'll seem like yesterday, I assure you) were. At the age of 44 I can safely say I've never run out of things I want to do, or hobbies to follow. But I've very rarely met someone I'd love to spend the rest of my life with. (Plenty I'd like to waste a weekend with, but that's a totally different matter! :-)

This may be clouding my judgement... especially as I'm still single with at least one major relationship regret. I've also never been an adrenalin junky... far too sensible and boring for that kind of thing. But I do think that in an age where we've got used to exciting, hi-energy pastimes in real life and on TV, the boundaries of experience have been pushed back so far that we often lose track of the fact that the most important, exciting (and in some ways dangerous) thing we ever do is choose a partner and build a life with them.

I may just be an incurable romantic though. :-) Clearly you've done very well in your chosen hobby, and I don't think anyone would suggest you give it up altogether. As you say, done properly there's no reason why you shouldn't be safer in the air riding the 9.81m/s^2 mavity train, than on a single carriageway road with cars travelling towards you at a combined speed of 60+ mph. I just think that taking it to another, undoubtedly more risky level, is asking a bit much of your partner, given what you've said about your feelings for her, and her concerns for you.

Of course -- putting on my pessimist's hat -- as she's still training there's nothing to say that you and she won't grow apart eventually anyway. Entering the 'real world' can always put a strain on pre-existing relationships. So that's a good reason why you should be careful to hang onto the things which make you, you. And if you'll regret *not* BASE jumping for the rest of your life, then maybe it's best that you follow your dreams and worry about relationships later in your life.

As you say, it's a difficult position. But all the most important decisions in life are difficult. If they were easy or simple, everyone would drift through life in a state of blissful contentment. Good luck making a decision which makes you both content.

Andrew McP
 
Morba said:
I will remember that when i ask the wife if i can have that 3 some with 2 page 3 lovelies, i'm sure she will forget her feelings so that I can be happy.
Click to expand...


It's not that rare for a partner to bring somebody else in to saticfy there lover. Yoko for one is said to have gone out & got women for John, Some times joining in & other times sleeping on the sofa.
As you get older you tend to be able to separate sex & love a lot easier than when young. Those that do can enjoy the fun of sex with many different people without it upsetting there partner.
Swingers are an obvious example.
 
The other angle to look at this from is, if your current girlfriend is not compatible with you doing base jumps, then to rectify this you either A) modify your behaviour, i.e. quit the base jump idea, or B) aquire a girlfriend who doesn't mind you risking your life jumping down a hole but is as compatible with you in other areas as your current girlfriend, rare as rocking horse doo doo I would imagine, or C) do without a long term partner for the rest of your base jumping life. Break it down like that.
 
Apart from echoing parts of everyone elses thoughts -
If you did give up on BASE jumping would you resent her and thus poison your relationship from this point on?
If you didn't BASE jump would you end up taking up another 'High-Risk' sport which would culminate in the same argument until you split up?

You have already said you are going to do it. So what is this thread really about?
 
As has already been said, spending your life with another person requires a "we" mentality. The most important means of achieving a mutual understanding is honesty. Talk to her, tell her how you feel but also LISTEN and don't argue. Have a conversation where you don't try to convince the other person, simply listen and really hear what they're saying. You may find that through doing this, you'll convince each other far more effectively. If you really love her, and you really understand that she is extremely scared and worried, that's pretty convincing, believe me. If she really loves you, and she listens and understands that it's your dream, that's pretty convincing for her too. But never force your opinion on her: you might get what you want today but it will ruin your relationship for ever.

Different periods of your life require different attitudes. When you are single and young, you're free to do what you want to do. Clearly, you've got used to that and you enjoy it. That's great but it seems to me that that time is over.

When you're not single, you're not free to do what you want to do. Understand this. Being with her means sacrifices. For her, being with you also means sacrifices. In today's culture of instant gratification and "me me me" this concept evades many people. A long term relationship involves sacrifices throughout. This may mean you giving up your dream of BASE jumping today and getting nothing "in return" for decades. Somewhere down the line, she may find herself making huge sacrifices for you. Or she may not.

However, the only way you will ever be happy is if you truly understand how fortunate you are to have the opportunity to sacrifice something for someone you love, someone who loves you and someone who is perfect for you. If you give up things and resent her for it, you should break it off now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom