Monday Afternoon Joke

izzy eckerslike said:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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It raised a smile.
 
TimBrad said:
My brother just sent me this, so thought i'd throw it on here ;) If its a pearoast or whatever, my apologies ;) Coat is on the hook and the door is open and ready! :)
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The version I had heard, many many years ago, I might add, had the the person head butting the bell until it rang, causing major facial damage and killing the guy. The punchline was "Don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
 
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Turophobic said:
The version I had heard, many many years ago, I might add, had the the person head butting the bell until it rang, causing major facial damage and killing the guy. The punchline was "Don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
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Did you not read the middle part of the joke? That old punchline appeared half-way through. :p
 
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The Blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
“There’s no charge,” she sa ys.
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” she says.
“Honestly, ma’am,” the blonde says, “it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”

“So I just switched the heads.”
 
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