Sorry to post this, I know some people really hate these threads, but I want to express how I feel in a completely honest and open way, and I don't think I can do that with anyone I know in real life.
I've recently split from my girlfriend of 4 years, I'm not dealing with it well, and don't even want to at the moment. I can't see myself every being as happy again as I was during those 4 years. It wasn't just the only *serious* relationship I've had - it was the only one of any kind I'd ever had. I was never really interested in casual relationships. She was more than just a girlfriend to me, she was my best friend too, we'd lived together for 3 years and did almost everything together. The relationship was pretty intense to begin with, and we were both totally obsessed with each other. I guess things just gradually changed, and I was in denial that they had, so it seems really sudden to me. We're still on fairly good terms, she still wants to be friends and has even said I can still stay with her if I want to (spare room). I don't think I can just go cold-turkey and cut her off, I still love her more than anything in this world, and would do anything to change things back to the way they were, but I think if I do stay friends with her I'm not going to deal with it at all, and just stay in love with her. She says it will be a long time before she will be ready for any kind of relationship again, which is some comfort, but at some point she *is* going to find someone else, and if we do remain friends I really wouldn't be able to deal with that situation at all well. I can actually picture it quite vividly - a bunch of us in the pub and her showing up arm in arm with someone else. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It's not that I can't see myself ever being in another relationship, but I *know* that nothing could ever live up to the good times we had, everything about her was so perfect to me, nobody else could possibly compare. I don't want to sound over dramatic or anything but I feel like not only is the relationship finished, but my life is too - it is no longer worth living. Because I was so happy with her I lost touch with most of my other friends, we'd hang out with either her friends or our mutual friends. Without her and her friends I only have a couple of people left I would consider real friends, and I haven't really seen much of them in a while either due to their own relationships etc. I was looking forward to a good future, we were planning on buying a place of our own, marriage etc. Now the future holds no promise of anything that makes me want to go on with life, I'm sleeping on the sofabed at my Dad's which is obviously far from ideal, I need my own space to be able to deal with things and I've got used to being fairly independent, not to mention the fact that I'm imposing on him. I can't afford to buy a flat so the only option would be to rent, but I can only afford a very small place which I think would just depress me more - being on my own in a small space, with barely any social life or contact with the outisde world except work, eating microwave ready meals for one. Moving back into her spare room seems very appealing at the moment - I'd have my stuff, my own (quite big) space and I'd still be able to see her, even if it's not going to be anything like our previous relationship. Part of me knows this is probably not going to help, and is possibly a really bad idea. My job isn't helping either, I work in immigration, so a lot of the people I speak to are talking about wanting to get married, having been married for x number of years, or relationships ending which is getting hareder and harder to deal with. Getting back together is definetly not an option apparently, so the only choice I have is either to try and get on with things, and remain friends, or just go our separate ways. I don't think I can do either of those.
Sorry for the long thread, not really sure what I hoped to acheive by posting, maybe just peoples views and how other people have dealt with this situation, but in a way it has helped just putting things down in writing.
I've recently split from my girlfriend of 4 years, I'm not dealing with it well, and don't even want to at the moment. I can't see myself every being as happy again as I was during those 4 years. It wasn't just the only *serious* relationship I've had - it was the only one of any kind I'd ever had. I was never really interested in casual relationships. She was more than just a girlfriend to me, she was my best friend too, we'd lived together for 3 years and did almost everything together. The relationship was pretty intense to begin with, and we were both totally obsessed with each other. I guess things just gradually changed, and I was in denial that they had, so it seems really sudden to me. We're still on fairly good terms, she still wants to be friends and has even said I can still stay with her if I want to (spare room). I don't think I can just go cold-turkey and cut her off, I still love her more than anything in this world, and would do anything to change things back to the way they were, but I think if I do stay friends with her I'm not going to deal with it at all, and just stay in love with her. She says it will be a long time before she will be ready for any kind of relationship again, which is some comfort, but at some point she *is* going to find someone else, and if we do remain friends I really wouldn't be able to deal with that situation at all well. I can actually picture it quite vividly - a bunch of us in the pub and her showing up arm in arm with someone else. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick to my stomach. It's not that I can't see myself ever being in another relationship, but I *know* that nothing could ever live up to the good times we had, everything about her was so perfect to me, nobody else could possibly compare. I don't want to sound over dramatic or anything but I feel like not only is the relationship finished, but my life is too - it is no longer worth living. Because I was so happy with her I lost touch with most of my other friends, we'd hang out with either her friends or our mutual friends. Without her and her friends I only have a couple of people left I would consider real friends, and I haven't really seen much of them in a while either due to their own relationships etc. I was looking forward to a good future, we were planning on buying a place of our own, marriage etc. Now the future holds no promise of anything that makes me want to go on with life, I'm sleeping on the sofabed at my Dad's which is obviously far from ideal, I need my own space to be able to deal with things and I've got used to being fairly independent, not to mention the fact that I'm imposing on him. I can't afford to buy a flat so the only option would be to rent, but I can only afford a very small place which I think would just depress me more - being on my own in a small space, with barely any social life or contact with the outisde world except work, eating microwave ready meals for one. Moving back into her spare room seems very appealing at the moment - I'd have my stuff, my own (quite big) space and I'd still be able to see her, even if it's not going to be anything like our previous relationship. Part of me knows this is probably not going to help, and is possibly a really bad idea. My job isn't helping either, I work in immigration, so a lot of the people I speak to are talking about wanting to get married, having been married for x number of years, or relationships ending which is getting hareder and harder to deal with. Getting back together is definetly not an option apparently, so the only choice I have is either to try and get on with things, and remain friends, or just go our separate ways. I don't think I can do either of those.
Sorry for the long thread, not really sure what I hoped to acheive by posting, maybe just peoples views and how other people have dealt with this situation, but in a way it has helped just putting things down in writing.
