Dealing with a break up

-Laser- · 4 Jul 2008 at 15:22

[FnG]magnolia;12022541 said:
Please take this the right way : the reason that you believe point 2 is because of point 1. You have no frame of reference, this is obviously a huge upset to you and therefore I suppose it's logical to think, "Well, that was my one chance and it can't possibly get any better than that."

The good news is that this is rubbish. The bad news is that it may take a while for things to pan out well, as they almost certainly will do. There's probably few people on these boards who haven't had times in their life when they've been in a situation very similar to the one you describe. But things do get better and you will meet new people and some of those will be nice women and - how unexpected! - one or two of those nice women will be pretty keen on you and - even more unexpected! - you're actually pretty keen on one of them. That's how it works.

What stops it from working is if you actively put a stick in the spokes. Examples might include staying in your ex-beloved's spare room, tearing yourself up more and more by being in contact with her and being witness to her struggle to come to terms with things too, and you never moving on. For example, you understand

Yeah I guess that's very true, and thanks for injecting some humour

Rich_L said:
Re-connect with your old friends you have lost touch with, do all the things which you have been unable to do because you've had to ask permission or compromise, go visit a mate for a weekend on a whim, or go organise a weekend in Dublin, Prague, Amsterdam with a few mates. ..... <snip>

*edit*

And screw moving into her spare room! Get a flatshare with similar-minded, single, individuals and have the frickin' time of your life!

I haven't really had to make compromises, I've asked for permission but only out of courtesy, and she never had a problem with anything really. Amsterdam would be a definite no-no, that's where we would probably of gone for our next holiday! Besides, I've already been

A flatshare was the original plan before I moved in with her, would have been with my brother, but I don't feel I can't really ask him now, he's stopping work and going to Uni so won't be able to afford it, he be happier and better off financially at home.

_Jimlad_ · 4 Jul 2008 at 15:33

get in a shared house with some random people of the same sort of age and enjoy yourself, i had always lived with friends, but if you don't have any that need to house share grab a paper and find a room in shared house, get an even mix of girls and boys and dive in! once your settled and doing a bit better hit America hard! youth hostel style! meet some randoms and live the dream...... worked for me when my engagment went **** up - that's my 2p's worth!

gareth.e · 4 Jul 2008 at 15:34

A few things first off:
1) You need to learn how to form paragraphs

That was tough to read!!

2) If theres no hope get away, far away!

3) As someone else stated go into a flat share..

4) See if there's the possibility of spicing things up?! between you and your ex?

5) I can't believe I find Kylie minogue attractive ( watching her on the TV :O!)

chucky said:
As for me, im now trying to work my magic on a nice 17 year old. 10 years younger than me last girlfriend, yeehaa!

ERRM....

(just checked your age and your OK!! lol)

chucky · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:07

ERRM.... (just checked your age and your OK!! lol)

We'll if its good enough for the judge, its good enough for me

Im still a pup myself, so can get away with it (or so i tell myself).

Janesy B · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:10

If theres grass on the wicket, it's time to play cricket D:

chucky · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:22

Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.

peetee · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:25

you'll regret it, 17year olds are a nightmare

chucky · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:29

you'll regret it, 17year olds are a nightmare

Well yes.

In the fact that they keep you up all night, not letting you get to sleep

DannyDan · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:31

krooton said:
Sadly, this seems to happen so often.

2 people click, there is excitement, passion, and they get on amazingly as well!

A whirlwind start to the relationship ensues, but after things calm down a bit, the women, based on personal and experience of friends, starts to get 'bored'. Not with the guy per say, but what is a great connection without the physical intimacy, other than a friendship?

So you become a very close friend, or even attain family member-like status, and all the passion for you is gone.

So she ends it.

If you were exciting, challenged her, kept her on her toes, then she wouldn't get bored, but then you would need to not be so alike in the first place.

So yeah, nice guys finish last, lol.

So to make a sweeping generalisation, nice guys want nice girls they get along with. Girls like guys who can be improved or changed, are a project and keep them interested.

This man is correct

peetee · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:32

chucky said:
Well yes.

In the fact that they keep you up all night, not letting you get to sleep

no, the fact they are 17. Theyv got little life experience etc and fall 'in love' too quickly. You do know woman dont sexually peak early on like men dont you?

Janesy B · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:33

peetee said:
no, the fact they are 17. Theyv got little life experience etc and fall 'in love' too quickly. You do know woman dont sexually peak early on like men dont you?

Exactly, they are more hormonal and are bloody annoying. I went out with a 22 yr old when i was 19 and she taught me a few things :cool:

peetee · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:36

Iv just broken up with an 18year old yesterday and im definately sticking to older girls as a general rule now, she was a great girl and everything, but the maturity was shown on many occasions, they act like the kids they are too often, little life experience etc, they are a little more awkward in the bedroom too tbh.

Knubje · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:40

Janesy B said:
If theres grass on the wicket, it's time to play cricket D:

When the river runs red, use the dirt track instead

chucky · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:42

When the river runs red, use the dirt track instead

Never heard that - i like it.

Knubje · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:43

It is my gift to you sir!

Prophet · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:45

I was in exactly the same situation last year, infact what the OP posted is 90% true to my situation.

All I can say is that after 8 Months I still think about her most days but overall feel my life has really made a turn for the better. I socialise a lot more than before and have more friends. Also like my freedom although I never thought I'd get used to being single.

I thought things would never get any better and for a few months moped around but now, even though she's on my mind I can't help but feel I'm better off now than when I was with her.

Chin up mate. Its going to be tuff but you will get through it. You'll look back in the future and kick yourself for letting it affect you so much.

Solari · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:46

NP - DNR.

Janesy B · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:46

Knubje said:
When the river runs red, use the dirt track instead

D:

Pug · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:51

You can get a room in a shared house for £70 a week, easy. Do that, its affordable, if you choose well you'll get an instant social life as well...

-Laser- · 4 Jul 2008 at 16:52

MookJong said:
<snip>

wow, that's really deep and insightful, thanks

Rich_L said:
You'd be surprised. Nowt better than welcoming a fella back into the fold after his incarceration with a she-devil

Lol, yeah I've seen them a couple of times, and they've been good, but it's really 4 of us, two of them are a couple, so will want want time alone too and the 4th is a good friend, but can get a little irritating after a while tbh! (don't tell him!)

krooton said:
Sadly, this seems to happen so often.

2 people click, there is excitement, passion, and they get on amazingly as well!

A whirlwind start to the relationship ensues, but after things calm down a bit, the women, based on personal and experience of friends, starts to get 'bored'. Not with the guy per say, but what is a great connection without the physical intimacy, other than a friendship?

So you become a very close friend, or even attain family member-like status, and all the passion for you is gone.

So she ends it.

If you were exciting, challenged her, kept her on her toes, then she wouldn't get bored, but then you would need to not be so alike in the first place.

So yeah, nice guys finish last, lol.

So to make a sweeping generalisation, nice guys want nice girls they get along with. Girls like guys who can be improved or changed, are a project and keep them interested.

Yeah I guess that's true, on the surface at least she wasn't at all like that, but quite possibly at some deepr, subconcious level

chucky said:
As for me, im now trying to work my magic on a nice 17 year old. 10 years younger than me last girlfriend, yeehaa!

Lol, that's naughty, but good luck

james.miller said:
my ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago. no warning. it took her 3 days from "i love you, see you soon" to "yeah its not working BLAAAAH". i was gutted, still am really. but what hurts most is the way she did it. I mean, nothing was really wrong, she just didnt love me so she says. i ddint do anything wrong, i know that much but.... she treated me like i had. What really makes it worse is that i know her, i knew her long before we got together and she just isnt the sort of person to mistreat people, not at all. she's the kindest person ive ever know. well, to everybody else anyway.

females are complicated and they make my brain hurt!

Ditto, for almost all of that, except she didn't treat me badly, and to be honest I don't know the last time she said I love you, I noticed a few days before that she was avoiding said it when I said it to her, but was probably a lot longer. At least she wasn't lying about that I guess.

pattojones said:
OP, you should pay attention to this person-mucho common senso in this posto.

Oh yeah, I am, very helpful post.

_Jimlad_ said:
get in a shared house with some random people of the same sort of age and enjoy yourself, i had always lived with friends, but if you don't have any that need to house share grab a paper and find a room in shared house, get an even mix of girls and boys and dive in! once your settled and doing a bit better hit America hard! youth hostel style! meet some randoms and live the dream...... worked for me when my engagment went **** up - that's my 2p's worth!

I was thinking of looking into a job abroad, working in immigration it shouldn't be too hard, there's loads of embassies about and the pay would be good too.

gareth.e said:
A few things first off:
1) You need to learn how to form paragraphs That was tough to read!!

4) See if there's the possibility of spicing things up?! between you and your ex?

1) I know, I tried but couldn't lol

4) No, that's not gonna be a possibility at all, I know she wouldn't want to, especially as she sees me as a friend, she's not really that kind of person.

Orange Peel said:
I was in exactly the same situation last year, infact what the OP posted is 90% true to my situation.

All I can say is that after 8 Months I still think about her most days but overall feel my life has really made a turn for the better. I socialise a lot more than before and have more friends. Also like my freedom although I never thought I'd get used to being single.

I thought things would never get any better and for a few months moped around but now, even though she's on my mind I can't help but feel I'm better off now than when I was with her.

Chin up mate. Its going to be tuff but you will get through it. You'll look back in the future and kick yourself for letting it affect you so much.

Thanks, that's good to know

----

God that took a while to read and reply to those!