Thursday Joke

For some reason, I read "Terrorists" not "Tortoises" :o

I couldn't work out why it would take terrorists a day to talk a mile :o
 
Breezy said:
20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are
starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still
isn't back, but a promise is a promise.
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Ewwww 25 day old sandwiches, and how did they get there in the first place, i assume they walked in which case the sandwiches must be like a month old!!!
 
MikeTAD said:
If we are all developed from apes, why are there still apes?
Click to expand...

Well, when a new species arises, it can be that the one species gradually turned into the new species. But equally as likely, the new species could have forked off from the old species, leaving the old species intact and unchanged. The new species could have arose in some isolated group, leaving the main population unaffected.

The theory is not that humans are descended from chimpanzees, or from gorillas, or bonobos, or orangutans. The theory is that all of these are descended from a common ancestor.

Evolution is affected by much more than just what species you used to be :rolleyes:

Anyways, slighty off topic, plus it much more likely we were made by God ;)
 
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of His physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctors office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, Doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but
nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked the wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your Neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the damn thing open.'
 
Cob said:
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of His physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctors office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, Doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but
nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked the wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your Neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the damn thing open.'
Click to expand...


finaly a good one :p
 
An Insurance man is on his rounds. He comes to the next house and knocks on the door. After about 2 minutes the door opens and standing there is an 8 year old boy dressed in stockings and suspenders with a lit cigar in one hand and an opened bottle of Cognac in the other.

"What do you want?", snaps the little boy.

"Is your Mummy in?", says the Insurance man.

"Does it look like she's ****ing in?", replies the child.
 
Azagoth said:
An Insurance man is on his rounds. He comes to the next house and knocks on the door. After about 2 minutes the door opens and standing there is an 8 year old boy dressed in stockings and suspenders with a lit cigar in one hand and an opened bottle of Cognac in the other.

"What do you want?", snaps the little boy.

"Is your Mummy in?", says the Insurance man.

"Does it look like she's ****ing in?", replies the child.
Click to expand...

:D:D:D:D we have a winner :D:D:D:D
 
Michael Barrymore has been arrested on suspicion of murdering 2 French students.

A police spokesman said "It took over 240 knife wounds to kill the students and we all know that Barrymore is a **** stabber"

(delete if inappropriate)
 
"Won't you kiss me, doctor," asks a beautiful woman.

"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.

"Please just one kiss," begs the woman.

"It's completely out of the question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
 
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