**Official** Joke thread

  • Thread starter Thread starter OG
  • Start date Start date
Man goes into Blockbuster and asks "Can I rent Batman Forever?"

The assistant replies: "No sorry...It's two nights rental only."


Sorry I know it's bad :o
 
A man walks in the door after a day at the office to find his wife crying at the kitchen table.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I went to the supermarket today, and a horrible man looked up my skirt & he said, 'I'd like to fill that with beer and drink it,'" she sobs. "I wish you'd been there to flatten him

"Listen, honey, I've repeatedly told you to wear panties every day,"replies the husband. "And, second, there's no way I'd mess with anyone who could drink that much beer."
 
TimBrad said:
After his recent defeat to Prescott, Khan talked about how he was inspired by Nicholas Cage as a young boy.

His favorite film was "Gone in 60 seconds".
Click to expand...

A mate of mine actually went to the pub with Amir Khan the other night.

Said he was right tight because he didn't even get a round in!!! :rolleyes:
 
"Peanuts" said:
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?







Robin get in the Batmobile
Click to expand...

Best joke yet, but seriously.. whats happened to the OcUK moderation.. there should be several permanently banned and castrated members for the negative funny jokes they are posting.
 
Bit of a long one but bear with it :)

An englishman a scottishman and an irishman were trying out for the CIA and had passed all the tests so far.
For the final test the examiner gave each of them a gun and tells them to go into their 3 respective rooms, where a puppy will be waiting tied to a chair and for them to shoot the puppy in cold blood.
They all went into their rooms and closed the door.
After 30seconds the englishman burst through the door. "I just couldnt do it" he said.
30 seconds later the scottishman comes out the door, "I didnt have the heart to shoot it."
After 5 minutes the Irishman finally appears, sweating and out of breath and shouts, "YOU DIDNT TELL ME THE GUN WAS LOADED WITH ******* BLANKS!! I had to beat it to death with the chair!
 
Bennie-Mac said:
Bit of a long one but bear with it :)

An englishman a scottishman and an irishman were trying out for the CIA and had passed all the tests so far.
For the final test the examiner gave each of them a gun and tells them to go into their 3 respective rooms, where a puppy will be waiting tied to a chair and for them to shoot the puppy in cold blood.
They all went into their rooms and closed the door.
After 30seconds the englishman burst through the door. "I just couldnt do it" he said.
30 seconds later the scottishman comes out the door, "I didnt have the heart to shoot it."
After 5 minutes the Irishman finally appears, sweating and out of breath and shouts, "YOU DIDNT TELL ME THE GUN WAS LOADED WITH ******* BLANKS!! I had to beat it to death with the chair!
Click to expand...




lol
 
Bennie-Mac said:
Bit of a long one but bear with it :)

An englishman a scottishman and an irishman were trying out for the CIA and had passed all the tests so far.
For the final test the examiner gave each of them a gun and tells them to go into their 3 respective rooms, where a puppy will be waiting tied to a chair and for them to shoot the puppy in cold blood.
They all went into their rooms and closed the door.
After 30seconds the englishman burst through the door. "I just couldnt do it" he said.
30 seconds later the scottishman comes out the door, "I didnt have the heart to shoot it."
After 5 minutes the Irishman finally appears, sweating and out of breath and shouts, "YOU DIDNT TELL ME THE GUN WAS LOADED WITH ******* BLANKS!! I had to beat it to death with the chair!
Click to expand...

:eek: lol ;)
 
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