Have i been too harsh

mulpsmebeauty said:
I'm not sticking up for him and I don't think you've done the wrong thing as such. Just seems like kicking him out by text is as unsatisfactory as dumping your partner by text. He sounds like an ungrateful teenager, but at least if you've explained to him the consequences to his face you can feel like you've given him fair warning. But of course it's not my son and I haven't known him for 17 years :)
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It was a txt as he wouldnt answer his phone, prior to the txt i tried to phone him and prior to that phone call i txt him asking where he was. I told him to his face when he came to collect his stuff he was welcome to come back once he'd learned his lesson. If he choose not to then so be it everyone has to move out eventually...........

mulpsmebeauty said:
But of course it's not my son and I haven't known him for 17 years :)
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Thats right and what ive told is only a very small part of it but was the final straw. I have threatened him on countless occations with this action and like everything he justdoesnt listen until it happens.
 
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There are very few 17 year olds out there that are any different. I doubthe meant to leave the doors open. Just being forgetful and lazy which he will grow out of.

EDIT : Though you do need to be strict on his ass, kicking him out is a bit too far IMO and is the kind of action that could make he resent you.
 
Only you can decide whether you were overly harsh or not. We haven't lived in your house and can't measure the relationship or behavior.

He should be paying board at 17 with a job though. Just make sure, when he does come back, that you agree a fair amount. I remember big fights between my parents and I when I believed they were taking too much from me, however I put the amount up myself when I started earning more.

k.Jacko said:
Society has changed so much that teenagers especially, think they have a god given right to do what they want, where the want, how they want in a more brazen manner than they did 20 years ago.
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Wrong.

Teenagers have always been this way out.
 
In some respects, yeh you did the right thing. Hopefully it'll be a wake up call to him.

However, if I was in your position I wouldn't have kicked him out. I would've tried to reason, punishments for teenagers can be simple things like not cooking for them, making their living harder, taking rent etc.
 
psychas said:
man what the hell how do expect 17 year old come back at 9.30 pm!!! teenagers difficult time and if he does not do his helping around the house u have to talk to him 10 20 times if needed. i can see he will hate u after that my opinion.
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Did you not read the OP,

"he goes out on Friday and leaves the livingroom door open (two days earlier i had a go at him (again) for doing the same thing and him not doing his chores) i was obviously annoyed at this given the amount of times he'd been told to close them. Now earlier on in the week i had said it was ok for him to sleep out but given the current circumstances i sent him a txt (hes was at work) and told him that he was no longer allowed to stay out and expressed my displeasure at his lack of being able to do what he was told. I told him i wanted him home by 9.30".

He was told it was ok to sleep out, (which basically makes he's parents place like a free hotel) but he still continued to disobey the simple rules so he set a curfew as punishment which is perfectly fair.

EDIT -

I'm not saying that parents should be militant in enforcing their rules, but it does look like he's had a fair amount of chances imo.
 
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well for f sake giving a guy a hard time for not closing the door dont u think it is not harsh? and kicking him out when he is not 18 even. u made this kid now u have to be responsible for him not kicking him out some people just to harsh and still live in 70's.
 
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Spot on in my opinion. He was being an ingratious brat in my eyes. He needs to learn a lesson in growing up. You can't have an adult to adult conversation with a kid of 17 if he behaves like a kid of 12. Let us know how it goes.
 
k.Jacko said:
I totally back you up on your decision teulk, anyone who disagrees is either a pussy or not even a parent.
Society has changed so much that teenagers especially, think they have a god given right to do what they want, where the want, how they want in a more brazen manner than they did 20 years ago.
Teulk did not kick him out cos he didn't wash the pots. There is a bigger issue here and it's called RESPECT and RESPONSIBILITY!

Our twin 14 year old boys would get punished for every infringement of rules, and they were basically almost the same as Teulks for his 17 year old; wash the pots, have all your ablutions and breakfast etc done before me and their mum got up for work, truly just simple tasks that can actually aid in instilling some responsibility into kids.
Now i know i can be quite harsh, but coming from a military background i hate bad punctuality. We'd give them a time to come in, they'd abuse it and with NO real reason. One day we gave them our usual 'screen and music' ban (tv, consoles, pc, ipods etc) for a week for being 2 mins late. I tried to explain the potential importance of those 2 minutes; you could miss a bus/train by 2 mins and not make it to a job interview, or could be put on detention at school for missing registration.
As usual, they go sulky about it, so after a long chat with them we both agreed to treat them more like adults if they agreed to try and act a little more maturely. This was back in May, since then they haven't been put on a ban at all, but they'd certainly warranted it within 2 weeks of our chat.
Yes, talk to them, AND listen to them, but at the end of the day, they are STILL the children and you are STILL the parent, and they DO have to know there the line is.

Good for you Teulk, you kicked him out, but you left the door open for when he's ready to grow up a little more, can't see what's wrong with that.
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You could be me and i could be you as our views identicle, i am also from a military background. Believe me when i say the talks have taken place on several occations and he is always banging on about how he thinks hes an adult and should be treated like one. The talks just havent worked tho.


Mr tommo i dont agree with the forgetful or lazzyness - how hard is it to close a door especially when the reason for it is told on an almost daily basis. How hard is it to remember its your turn to wash the dishes - hes in the kitchen every day and if i can see the pile of dishes then so can he. How hard is it to empty a litter tray - you have to walk past it to get out the house so if i can see it then so can he. How hard is it to remember is his turn to clean the bathroom - hes in the everyday ! Yes all these things are small and that is what is the most annoying thing about it - non of it is hard and these are all things he should be doing ! Its not just about doing the chores its his whole attitude, in 6months time he be 18 and therefore legally and adult - i doubt if he was 18 none of you would care if id kicked him out or not as he would legally be and "adult". However if he was still at home the same rules would still apply and no doubt still flaunted.
 
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when i read the title i thought you meant you actually dropkicked him one :p

in all fairness though 17 can be a rough age, they just wanna be out with friends and meet women etc...
A question you have to ask yourself is what was you like to your parents ? Have you maybe spoilt him too much on his upbringing and thus now expects everything on a silver plater.

In which case your action might actually make him think twice about his actions in the future. On the flip side of that, god knows what could happen to him otherwise, might resort to stealing etc ? who knows something to think about
 
He's 17 year olds and your demanding him to be home for 9:30 lol He is 17 and not 14 yes?

What an over reaction throwing him out over some petty stuff, other forms of punishment should habe been used.
 
psychas said:
well for f sake giving a guy a hard time for not closing the door dont u think it is not harsh? and kicking him out when he is not 18 even. u made this kid now u have to be responsible for him not kicking him out some people just to harsh and still live in 70's.
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read the op and the later posts, it isn't a simple case of his son not closing doors

he is being disobedient and disrespectful of his fathers wishes after many a chat about it, its the time for action and not token punishment that have failed to work

hopefully the lad will see the error of his ways and come back a bit more mature
 
Gilly said:
Wrong.
Teenagers have always been this way out.
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Not wrong at all, re-read my paragraph, i said "more brazen manner than they did 20 years ago". Yes, no doubt i acted the same when i was one, but joining the forces made me grow up quick. Netherleless is was alwasy taught to be respectful of my elders, something i try to instill into our kids.

Kids/teenagers nowadays have so little respect for their elders its sickening.

This is one of those threads where those that strongly disagree with Teulks actions seem to be those that only read part of the posts and don't bother to understand the point.
I said it in my post, it aint just about pots and doors, the whole respect thing comes into question. Plus Teulk is trying to teach this kid a lesson. Its a harsh one sure, but then they often have to be to get these oiks to wake up. Those parents that pamper their kids up until age 18 do nothing in teaching them whats its like outside the comfort of the home provided to the by someone else.
Once a harsh lesson like this has been learned, it won't end. There will another harsh lesson around the corner. He's about to become a fully fledged adult, and that's what life is like. It aint all roses!
 
Your son shows a lack of empathy, is being selfish and is not considering the ramifications of his behaviour - in short he is behaving like every other 17 year old that has ever lived - you are showing a lack of empathy, being selfish and not considering the ramifications of your behaviour, however, you are the adult and the onus of responsibility lies with you to maintain a good relationship with your son. To effectively kick your child out of your house via text message appears knee-jerk and childish, this is not at all pragmatic and is likely to have long term ramifications for your relationship with your son who is no doubt losing respect for you. You should repair the damage you have done (no doubt his behaviour is upsetting to you and selfish but he is a teenager and surely you didn't expect a totally smooth ride to adulthood?) by having a conciliatory chat, man-to-man and face-to-face.

Yes your son has behaved (slightly) badly, but as a parent your behaviour is so much more important and should be better regulated. Nothing you have described in your son's behaviour merits this harsh reaction in my opinion. Sorry to come across as harsh but I think it is really obvious that you have had a failure in communication, which is no doubt resolvable, but the onus lies with you. If you want your son to behave like a measured and responsible adult start by setting an example rather than bleeding on and sending snotty text messages.
 
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I've come extremely close to kicking my daughter out on several occasions for much the same reasons as the OP, some worse in fact but I've held back because I know her and I've absolutely no doubt that she would never get over the shock.

Far too many parents, my wife and I included, have mollycoddled their children and basically made them into self centered slobs. Its fine for them to go out in the world, work, play etc but when they come home they dont seem to understand that they are no longer babies and are part of a family.

Throughout nature animals kick their kids out to fend for themselves and they learn and thrive eventually. Evolution has taught them that because if they dont the strain of feeding extra non productive mouths is too much for them to survive.

We've evolved differently to continue to care for our kids way beyond the stage where they are capable to fend for themselves. We do it because we love them but do they understand that ?
 
Freefaller said:
I good clip round the ear works wonders IMO.
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I used to get a leather belt over my butt until I was about 10

after that I used to get grounded or have privileges taken away such as pocket money

when I was around 15-16 I got a punch in the face for skipping school

I never skipped it again
 
ColdAsIce said:
He's 17 year olds and your demanding him to be home for 9:30 lol He is 17 and not 14 yes?

What an over reaction throwing him out over some petty stuff, other forms of punishment should habe been used.
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:rolleyes:
Another fine post from someone else who aint old enough to appreciate what the OP is going through...and probably didn't even read the original post properly.

How about you re-read the op then make a decent contribution to the thread without skipping the importance bits like 'respect'.

If he treated him like a 14 year old, then thats kind cos the kid was acting a lot younger than that!
The pot washing and door closing etc wasn't petty, it was trivial, so trivial in fact that it beggars belief as to why kid kept neglecting his duties (if you could call them duties) in the first place.

For all those who keep excusing this behaviour by saying "he's 17, thats what they do!" what's your point!? That parents should just let it all happen and let your 17 year old kid flush all your parenting lessons down the toilet on one fell swoop?
I had harsher lessons taught me when i was that age, and i certainly don't begrudge my parents for it one little bit. I'm proud of them for teaching me such valuable lessons and will try to pass them on to my own children.

Lol, should lock this thread to parents only, as some people really are clueless!
 
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