Have i been too harsh

[Banzai_Joe]

I used to get a leather belt over my butt until I was about 10

Wooden spoon for us. In the end, just rattling the cutler drawer kept us in line

after that I used to get grounded or have privileges taken away such as pocket money

Yep, got that too, learned how much i missed the money when it was taken away, as i couldn't buy what i wanted.

when I was around 15-16 I got a punch in the face for skipping school

I never skipped it again

oooh.....never had that, thankfully, not sure i condone that tbh.

 

[Gilly]

Not wrong at all

Yes it was

re-read my paragraph

OK, I have done

Yes, no doubt i acted the same when i was one

Well unless that was less than 20 years ago you have proved yourself wrong.

but joining the forces made me grow up quick.

I'm sure it did. It may have also ingrained in you the kind of self-righteous not-fit-for-society perspective that many other military experienced people have.

It doesn't make it right.

 

[Skidder]

For all those who keep excusing this behaviour by saying "he's 17, thats what they do!" what's your point!? .................
Lol, should lock this thread to parents only, as some people really are clueless!

Speaking for myself only, I understand the OP's situation and frustrations but disagree that he took the best action - the fact that the kid is 17 and finding his feet as a man, making the usual mistakes etc. has an impact on his behaviour and needs to be considered by his father. Dumping the kid by text could not be rationally considered top-draw parenting by anyone.

& I am a parent (albeit not of a teenager) so presumably I'm aloud to have an opinion

 

[Gilly]

I'm a parent too so I fit in

However, I enforce the rules around here and no 'I'm a militant parent with impeccable morals and scrubbed children' is going to decide who can post where and what they can say. Get off your high horse.

 

[Maximum Triceratops]

Kids should be told to move out at 16 unless they are in full time education so you've done nothing wrong imo.

When my son get to 16 his rooms is being converted to house a model railway.

WTF, replacing your son with a model railway ffs. You sir are not only a nerd, but your a bad father too sort yourself out.

 

[ColdAsIce]

Na I understand fully Jacko that a grown man so called responsible parent sent a petty text message to tell his son that he is being kicked out. Rather than being mature about things, communicating one to one. Sure there are plenty of other suitable punishments than this complete over reaction.

Agree he should be paying some sort of digs unless he is in full time education. I was in full time employment at 17, fairly sure if I got a text from my dad telling me to be home for 9:30 would have told him to **** off.

No swearing

Gilly

 

[JBuk]

oooh.....never had that, thankfully, not sure i condone that tbh.

I was shocked at the time but it did knock a bit of sense into me

Another punishment was to kneel down holding a boot in each hand for as long as he decided, a few minutes would make my arms really tired , a good punishment tbh

 

[Skidder]

I was shocked at the time but it did knock a bit of sense into me

Another punishment was to kneel down holding a boot in each hand for as long as he decided, a few minutes would make my arms really tired , a good punishment tbh

How about some therapy? You may need it

 

[Gilly]

I was shocked at the time but it did knock a bit of sense into me

Another punishment was to kneel down holding a boot in each hand for as long as he decided, a few minutes would make my arms really tired , a good punishment tbh

Christ, that was your childhood not boot camp! I would seriously resent my parents if they'd done anything like that with me.

I get told I'm harsh by our lass, because I force our son to do his homework! He acts tired and he pretends he doesn't know stuff because he is lazy. Well I'll get that out of him quite easily if it is stopped early enough. However, I wouldn't ever traumatise him to get him to stop being naughty or to make him fear me.

That is a cowardly, lazy method of parenting.

 

[Banzai_Joe]

Gilly, not sure i understand yoru reply mate, my point was that, yes teenagers have always tended to go through this kind of behaviour, but just check out the news, people of similar ages (35+) opinions, and they'll say the same, there's far littler amount of respect in teenagers now than there was 20 (or so) years ago. A clip round the ear back then would keep a kid in line, nowadays if you dare do it, you'd get retaliation from him/her and their friends, and more than likely with a weapon.
Even just a telling off will likely result in a viscious verbal retort.
Lol, also are you saying that because i joined the forces i looked down on every other civilian?
Certainly not true, but i learned values like respect, honour, courtsey, that i'm proud of.
Having forces experience on your cv is a great addition in most employers' eyes. For good reason imho.

& I am a parent (albeit not of a teenager) so presumably I'm aloud to have an opinion

Lol, course you are mate, my comment was slightly tongue in cheek, but there does seem to be a pattern of responses coming from people who aren't parents of similarly ages kids.
At the end of the day, there is no rulebook on how to bring up children. We are all different and even though generically teenagers can be a troublseome bunch to bring up, they are still all individually different and need to be treated accordingly.

 

[Bennie-Mac]

no, he needs to learn a valuable lesson

your house your rules

he sounds like he was deliberately disobeying you all the time

 

[z0mbi3]

Na I understand fully Jacko that a grown man so called responsible parent sent a petty text message to tell his son that he is being kicked out. Rather than being mature about things, communicating one to one. Sure there are plenty of other suitable punishments than this complete over reaction.

Agree he should be paying some sort of digs unless he is in full time education. I was in full time employment at 17, fairly sure if I got a text from my dad telling me to be home for 9:30 would have told him to **** off.

No swearing

Gilly

How is it not obvious to you that there have to be repercussions if rules are broken? He wasn't telling him to be in by 9:30 because he's not old enough, it was because he'd been deliberately neglecting his chores!

How else would you have him be punished?

 

[FrostedNipple]

One of my mates got chucked out, ended up living on another mates floor for about 2 weeks. He was really depressed for ages so he decided to go home and apologize. He now works with his dad in the same company and he is back to normal again. He mainly got kicked out because he was 19 and a bum.

 

[teulk]

For once and for all he was not kicked out by text ! Read the OP if your going to cast an opinion ! This is the text i sent "ok then if you think your an adult, if you think all there is to being an adult is staying out when you want and doing what you want when you want then get your things and get out" I believe im asking him IF he thinks hes and adult then he can leave - obviously he did. He could have simply appologised for his behaviour but he chose not too, instead he chose to believe he is and adult. Ive told him on numerous occations while he lives in my house he live by my rules - very easy and simple rules at that as outlined in the OP.

 

[ColdAsIce]

wow, sorry but as a parent jacko are you honestly telling me you are scared of your own child? Complete BS. If you raise your kids with any sort of respect and values they aint going to turn into violent thugs. Plus I stopped getting a smack just after starting high school and it was only a smack, not a beating! There is a difference.

Almost like your opinions are based on some awful tabloid news paper claiming kids are out of control.

His son agreed to the chores and he is at a responsible age, his dad should have turned off the 360 and told him to get the jobs done.

 

[Gilly]

Gilly, not sure i understand yoru reply mate, my point was that, yes teenagers have always tended to go through this kind of behaviour, but just check out the news, people of similar ages (35+) opinions, and they'll say the same, there's far littler amount of respect in teenagers now than there was 20 (or so) years ago.

Every single person in the history of the world will say the same.

It doesn't make it true.

Lol, also are you saying that because i joined the forces i looked down on every other civilian?

No, just that you will most likely (note: at no point have I said this of everyone with forces experience) have a skewed perspective out of synch with much of the rest of society.

 

[Banzai_Joe]

I'm a parent too so I fit in

However, I enforce the rules around here and no 'I'm a militant parent with impeccable morals and scrubbed children' is going to decide who can post where and what they can say. Get off your high horse.

With respect mate, please come off YOUR high horse. I started that line with a "Lol", kind of a clue that i wasn't being serious. Did it pass you by?
I'm not a militant parent with impeccable morals. I do the best i can.
I just happen to strongly agree with Teulk. When you're child gets to a similar age you may change your views, who knows.
But there are folks in here posting their opinions, which is fine, but without any experience to draw upon and their replies stink of them not having read the main posts properly.
They are the posts that i was challenging.

edit: just read your last post.
No, my perspective isn't skewered. I just happen to think that respect, courtesy and common decency are decent triats for anyone to have.
I don't condone beating kids or such outlandish acts. But i do believe in having them tow the line and when they get out of line they should be punished. Teulk tried various methods which didn't work, so he didn't something else that 'may' work. Only time will tell.

 

[Gilly]

For once and for all he was not kicked out by text ! Read the OP if your going to cast an opinion ! This is the text i sent "ok then if you think your an adult, if you think all there is to being an adult is staying out when you want and doing what you want when you want then get your things and get out" I believe im asking him IF he thinks hes and adult then he can leave - obviously he did.

That's semantics and nothing more. You told him to leave. That is how I and many of the other people here read your text to him.

With respect mate, please come off YOUR high horse. I started that line with a "Lol", kind of a clue that i wasn't being serious. Did it pass you by?
I'm not a militant parent with impeccable morals. I do the best i can.
I just happen to strongly agree with Teulk. When you're child gets to a similar age you may change your views, who knows.
But there are folks in here posting their opinions, which is fine, but without any experience to draw upon and their replies stink of them not having read the main posts properly.
They are the posts that i was challenging.

Posts such as yours are designed at stopping others from expressing their viewpoints. Their opinions are just as valid as yours.

My post was to show those people that they can continue to post their opinions because they are just as valid.

 

[Pilky01]

He is a teenager. Thats what teenagers do, kicking him out is a major overreaction

 

[Slinwagh]

The joys of parenthood, our little girl is only 4 so we have all this to look forward too!!!