What do I say to her?

Killa_ken said:
Tell her to stop being such a dumb whore and unless she wants to end up as one of those pathetic women who gets beaten then tells everyone she falls over then she should jolly well stay the **** down there.

Also show her pictures of deadbeats because thats what she will end up as if she is some some turd horse.

Also send her old bf an email telling him he is a wasteman and that instead o hitting women he should come hit you.
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Sometime shock talk like this would probably work, but only in about 0.0001% of the time, for the rest of the time you would probably get a 2 word answer in reply with the 2nd word either being you or off.

I have seen this happen to one of my wome friends when I was at uni many moons ago, and that experience taught me sometimes it is just best to not get involved up untill the point where you get flat out asked to help / for advice.

If you do end up having the talk anyway, the best way to approach is to do as little of the talking as possible. Let her get eveyrthing off her chest and then when she asks you directly what you think, keep it short and sweet.

Remember it is human nature for people to not lik ehearing what they don't want to hear more so if it is the truth.

Bottom line getting involved in someones personal life always ends up fubared for you regardless of if it was done for the right / wrong reasons.
 
Funnily enough, the only people I feel should have a say in my personal life are my close friends.

I rank them even above most family in that respect, as my close friends know me better at my current stage in life.
 
As said love and rationality don't mix.

My ex dumped me a year ago and part of me still wants her even though she was very selfish and ended things badly. Just be there for her as best you can but ultimately she's going to do what she wants.
 
How is her self esteem? It usually girls with low self esteem that end up with abusive partners like this. Unless you can do anything about that she will probably always end up with someone like that. They probably have the mindset that because their partner has shown themselves to be capable of violence, that partner is somehow more capable of "protecting" her should it come down to it. My next door neighbours have some serious rows about every other fortnight. I don't know if he gets physically violent with her but I can hear some pretty nasty stuff, they have a kid too. Sometimes you can hear him shouting "I hate you, I hate you", "Go one then leave!" etc. Sometimes after a really loud one I think this must be it, she surely must just move out and go live with her parents or something, but sure enough two days later they are back to normal.
 
Bubo said:
How is her self esteem? It usually girls with low self esteem that end up with abusive partners like this. Unless you can do anything about that she will probably always end up with someone like that. They probably have the mindset that because their partner has shown themselves to be capable of violence, that partner is somehow more capable of "protecting" her should it come down to it. My next door neighbours have some serious rows about every other fortnight. I don't know if he gets physically violent with her but I can hear some pretty nasty stuff, they have a kid too. Sometimes you can hear him shouting "I hate you, I hate you", "Go one then leave!" etc. Sometimes after a really loud one I think this must be it, she surely must just move out and go live with her parents or something, but sure enough two days later they are back to normal.
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It boggles the mind :(
 
Orange Peel said:
Sounds like Battered Wives Syndrome to me.
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I just don't understand how some people who are confident, intelligent, strong, ambitious, good, etc, can be played so badly by utter *******.

Are humans so needy that everything else flies out the window when it comes to not being alone?
 
krooton said:
I just don't understand how some people who are confident, intelligent, strong, ambitious, good, etc, can be played so badly by utter *******.

Are humans so needy that everything else flies out the window when it comes to not being alone?
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People who suffer from BWS are not generally confident. Intelligence doesn't really play a big part IMO as its not rational from what I understand.
 
Orange Peel said:
People who suffer from BWS are not generally confident. Intelligence doesn't really play a big part IMO as its not rational from what I understand.
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I'm not referring to BWS specifically, I certainly wouldn't stand for any of my friends being bashed about.

I mean just generally a guy can be a lying, cheating scumbag, and still get taken back time and time again.
 
krooton said:
I'm not referring to BWS specifically, I certainly wouldn't stand for any of my friends being bashed about.

I mean just generally a guy can be a lying, cheating scumbag, and still get taken back time and time again.
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I know exactly what you're saying there. Seems the 'nice guys' always get dumped on. Guess its got something to do with the 'alphaness' of being an a******.
 
Orange Peel said:
I know exactly what you're saying there. Seems the 'nice guys' always get dumped on. Guess its got something to do with the 'alphaness' of being an a******.
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One of my friends dated a cocaine dealer because she thought he was 'exciting' and because he is rich. Seems girls like a bad guy because he is more entertaining and interesting, even though it always comes back to bite them. I have given up feeling sorry for girls like that now, so many girls have terrible choice in men.
 
[DOD]Asprilla;12869063 said:
You're trying to address 'love' with a rational argument; good luck.

I'm sorry to sound cynical, but I don't think that there is a lot you can do. Her reactions to this guy are emotional and so no amount of rational logical argument is going to change her mind.
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very true .....

Gilly said:
You're trying to address 'female' with a rational argument; good luck.
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LOL

its sad in a way just keep on reminding her of bad times full stop like drill it literally into her head so that all she thinks (it'll not work) but it may put her on that first step to getting over it !

Orange Peel said:
I know exactly what you're saying there. Seems the 'nice guys' always get dumped on. Guess its got something to do with the 'alphaness' of being an a******.
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totally agree!
 
nicktay2605 said:
One of my friends dated a cocaine dealer because she thought he was 'exciting' and because he is rich. Seems girls like a bad guy because he is more entertaining and interesting, even though it always comes back to bite them. I have given up feeling sorry for girls like that now, so many girls have terrible choice in men.
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I've found recently (since being single) younger girls <25 are as above but the >25's generally want a 'nice guy' rather than a ****. Kinda general but just what I've noticed over the past few months.
 
Orange Peel said:
I've found recently (since being single) younger girls <25 are as above but the >25's generally want a 'nice guy' rather than a ****. Kinda general but just what I've noticed over the past few months.
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Agree. I've never gone for the "bad boy" personally but certainly as far as I've seen, these men tend to be trophies - they're hard to please and hard to keep and many women seem to go after just the one bloke... Women ARE competitive but in some funny places, i.e. in the pursuit of a man, esp. in late teens/early twenties.

At some point we forget that we're competing with other women, decide what we personally want (more often than not, this is the "nice guy"), and go after it. So a lot of these lovely men find themselves stumped by women until their late twenties/early thirties when suddenly there's a rush on...!

None of this is relevant to the OP (sorry!), I'm afraid she's just blinded. The rollercoaster that guy has had her on has probably made her lows pretty low, but her highs extremely high... Somehow she needs to work out whether those lows are justified by the highs.
 
I'm the guy who steals your girlfriends.

Simple solution is just to say to her "You don't have a future with him", "He won't be able to provide for you" and "When was the last time he bought you something you really wanted?"

Most women just want someone who can look after and provide for them tbqfh, it's an added bonus if you get on like a house on fire.
Once you establish that seed of doubt in her mind she'll soon move on.
 
Orange Peel said:
I've found recently (since being single) younger girls <25 are as above but the >25's generally want a 'nice guy' rather than a ****. Kinda general but just what I've noticed over the past few months.
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And that sucks as we get less time spent with them whilst they are still in their 20s and hot :p
 
sara said:
You wait until they're in their early 30s, at complete ease with themselves, still pretty hot, and know exactly how to enjoy themselves AND show you a good time... ;)
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I'm 26 and only got into the relationship thing at 21, so I missed out on the whole having a hot teenage girlfriend thing, even if it is apparently a nightmare, hehe.
 
sara said:
You wait until they're in their early 30s, at complete ease with themselves, still pretty hot, and know exactly how to enjoy themselves AND show you a good time... ;)
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So long as they haven't let their chassis slip..........;)
 
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